To be so upset and angry because of complaint about my friend breastfeeding?

[memoo]

My friend and work colleague had a DD 6 months ago. We both work in a primary school.

Several weeks ago my friend visited her old reception class in school. The class topic has been 'Growing' ang the reception teacher thought it would be nice for my friend to bring her DD in during the lesson where they would be talking about babies.

I've just had a phone call from my friend and I'm really angry at what she told me.

Apparently at the end of the lesson in school my friend needed to feed her DD and so sat quietly in the reading corner away from the children while she BF.

Friend had a call from the head on Friday telling her that a parent has complained about her BF'ing in front of the children

This parent said that her DS had said he had seen Mrs "boobies" and had been a bit giggley about it.

The head is being lovely and only spoke to my friend about purely to let her know what has happen and as far as I know this parent has been put in her place.

I am just so shocked that this parent could do this. I know the parent in question and the more I think about it I#m getting more and more angry!!!!

are you deliberately mis-reading Aitch?

No DP you're posturing as under attack from fascist views.

It's really, really ridiculous. I'd be laughing still if it wasn't so incredibly tasteless and offensive.

dp, I don't think you're a fascist. I do, however, think that your opinions would probably qualify you for the title 'throwback'.

I actually like you, because you do stick around, despite getting an absolute shoeing for your unreconstructed bigotry. But good gracious, it is quite astonishing that someone will so determinedly cling to some of the things you say.

I've only just revisted this thread and it seems to have moved on to gay parenting now but since there were a couple of people questioning me, I just thought I'd respond for their benefit.

To Balloon Slayer, I have no issue with breastfeeding whatsoever. That's a staggeringly ridiculous position to take in response to my views and comments. I breasetfed my own child and have said in this thread previously that it's perfectly natural and normal, nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of doing it public and is best for babies.

I still think that the woman had said her piece, shown the children her baby and presumably the teacher had achieved what she set out to achieve by inviting them into the classrom. The lesson was nearly over, the baby needed feeding so it would have been the natural point at which she should have left. I'm not being disingenuous by suggesting that I would have done that whether I was breast or bottle feeding - because I would have!

I would also think it would have been appropriate for her to have left if the baby needed changing too.

If the woman had been on her own without the baby and had felt the need to eat surely she would have made her excuses and left the room too wouldn't she? Or would she have gone and eaten her sandwiches in the book corner, or gone and pinged her ready meal in teh microwave and brought back in to the room to eat it? It was just time the right time for for her to leave in my view.

Actually, if she'd wanted to make the act of brestfeeding part of the educative process why didn't she do it in front of the kids anyway - that would have at least served a purpose in the context of the lesson. She made it a point of tittering and distraction by going into the corner to do it.

To CarmenSanDiego I should think there are very few 4 and 5 year old children around who aren't aware that mothers feed their babies with their breasts, just like animals do. As you rightly say many, many of them will have seen women doing it on a regular basbis both in real life in their own families and beyond and on TV - I've certainly seen it on CBeebies.

I hardly think that a class of 4 and 5 year olds need to have a full-on lecture of the merits of breastfeeding. I should have thought that a lot of the children in the class either have younger siblings or children younger than them in their extended families so seeing a baby at close quarters is no big deal anyway.

I expect they would have preferred to see something like a cute puppy or farm animal up close. I think this was actually quite an unimaginative and lazy lesson for the teacher to plan on the subject of "growing". Hardly very stimulating. I bet they would have preferred to go to an animal farm and see a range of animals, plants etc growing. Much more fun.

To Chaya5738* you said:

"Gunnerbean: can you explain why it is "not appropriate to do it in a school classroom." Assertion is not argument."

I'm not arguing with anyone - I'm simply expressing an opinion on the topic under discussion, which, by the way, was solicited by the OP I believe.

I explain things quite honestly with my dd who is 7. I am determined she does not grow up with 'body' issues as i have done. My friend had a baby last year and I will be honest i felt a little embarassed.... It was my stupid probem not hers and i confidently exlained it to my dd that thats how babies are fed.... and that she had been for a little while. My dd was not phased at all.... spoke and stroked the baby while my friend fed him. I felt much less awkward after a while and found myelf able to chat to my friend oblivious of whther i could see or not. I feel the school should have pre empted this happening and perhaps brought it into discussion in a confident and matter of fact way. I personnaly would not have an issue with my dd seeing it at school but there is a sensitive way for it to be approached. If the parent concerned is very body conscious and uncomfy with it then i do feel they are entitled to their opinion ..... it does seem a harsh and over the top reaction but perhaps this parent has issues because they couldnt do it themselves. LIKE I SAID I DO NOT SEE ITS A BI ISSUE BUT I DO FEEL IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRE EMPTED BY TALKING TO THE KIDS AND PERHAPS SENDING A NOTE TO PARENTS..... PARENTS DO HAVE A RIGHT TO A PREFERNECE AND PERHAPS NEED EDUCATING. If my dd came home talking about her teachers boobies I would have said that how else was she supposed to feed her baby and her baby couldnt be left hungry.However perhaps the teacher could have gone into the staff room or paents room if it wsnt clear that all the parents were happy with it. I only bf my dd for 3 days but I am expecting again and really want to bf more successfully this time round. I am still body conscious so if anyone upsets me about where I am feeding and when I will be very very upset!!!!!!!

It's not much of an opinion if you can't really explain why Gunner.

sorry will be honest i havent read the whole thread!

Gunnerbean - whilst your opinion is obviously your own and well thought out - for me it is based on [for me] a totally incorrect basis, that the bf 'debate' hinges on our opinion of it.

It doesn't, it is to do with babies getting fed. That for me is very simple. So to simply pop a a baby on a boob in the corner of a class room is basic, it isn't a teaching session, it isn't a thing to hide - it is a quick feed. That would be that for me. The same applies to a bottle feed too. Just do it, it needs doing. Why move?

Does this make sense? Put the baby at the centre of feeding and it all becomes very straightforward. A breast or bottle feed in the corner of a classroom is no biggy.

To scm - I think a letter would make an issue out of a non-event. I do not want to recieve letters saying a baby will be fomula fed or breast fed or bottle fed on such a such date. To me it would be great to hear a baby was visiting and how lovely and sounds like an oppurtunity for a stimulating lesson - but not news really. I still don't see why a mum should move to feed her baby - how ever it is done.

But parents do have rights aswell and sensitivity is important. I am a teacher and you have tobe so careful these days.... you cant put suncream on a child or tell their parents they have nits. I do not agree with it but its how it is. tree i do get what you are saying totally it does seem to be making an issue but perhaps just something after the event explaining that it was dealt with sensitively. It seems over the top but I would not have indulged my child by making an issue of it as this parent obviously has done.... i would have asked my dd more questions about the baby and just encouraged her to talk about it without being 'silly' It is a sensitive subject and what everone has to do is respect each others points of view. some parents would rather know thats all. Not sure what else to say.... not getting drawn into an argument but i think the parent concerned is allowed an opinion and an explanation of how the staff dealt with it etc....

They are certainly allowed an opinion.

But it shouldn't have any impact on whether or not a baby gets fed or not.

Same as in any situation where a mother needs to feed a baby. Uncle feels uncomfortable when I'm feeding? I mention I'm about to feed DS and he can leave if he wants to. Entitled to his opinion and nothing more.

By highlighting it it makes an issue of it. If we want to normalise breastfeeding, it needs to be treated as a normal activity.

since when do parents dictate what happens in the classroom? As far as I know they can withdraw children from sex ed or religious stuff.that's all. Seeking parents' approval would imply that B/F fell under one of the 2 catagories.
If parents have a problem with their DC seeing B/F then it is THEIR problem anbd school shouldn't pander to it.

I would just like to echo RedOnHerHead and ask that anyone who thinks the new Equality Bill will add up to anymore protection for mothers nursing in public than they already have, actually has a good hard look at the actual wording of the Bill (it's on the link ROHH provided further down) rather than reading the meeja's take on it.

One thing no-one has mentioned in this thread is that some of the children in the class may still be breastfeeding themselves. How would it have made them feel if the mother was made to hide away in the staffroom/car/toilet? Why should it be made into something which needs hiding away? Or is it only the child of the complaining mother who needs taking into consideration?

oh for christ sake. Arnt there some ignorant bastards on here.

I had my children in 1977 and 1979 and where I lived it wasn't seen as 'fashionable' for mothers to breastfeed. From my memory much of the media, the health professionals and anyone who had an opinion thought that it was better to get the bottles out. I made a good friend during my first pregnancy and we had our children a couple of weeks apart and decided that we'd breastfeed - this was partly because we were flat broke and buying bottles was just beyond us. We sat in the park feeding our babies and were heckled by people and called hippies - I was asked to leave a cafe because I dared to nurse my child. Women with children felt that they could criticise me openly and suggest that I was some sort of exhibitionist for choosing to BF. A bus conductor and an elderly female passenger discussed my disgusting behaviour.

I am shocked at the fact that someone thinks that it's wrong to feed one child in front of other children, but I'm even more shocked that some people here ythink that women should hide themselves agree with that.

fabulous thread.
the level of ignorance and stupidity is astounding (and makes great lunchtime reading).

sorry I'm so cross by this that my last post doesn't really make sense. Basically, we're 30 years down the line and not learned much.

i gotcha Kerala - it's pathetic isn't it?

Karala, I had 2 children and I breastfed 1 for 19 months and the other for 26 months. I breastfed both in public and have never had any negative experience or remarks from anyone.

I would never have been so lucky if it wasn't for the stand taken years earlier by people like you.

Thanks.

I think SparklyCheeryMummy (as a teacher) has made a very valid point her about how careful teachers have to be in schools these days. There are a whole load of issues that are a minefield to deal with due to the politically correct agenda which schools and teachers are hamstrung by these days.

I am certainly not trying to suggest that there is anything wrong or shameful in breasfeeding in public - not at all - but I just don't think a classroom during a lesson was the place, or the right environment to do it given the circumstances and the issues that SparklyCheeryMummy has raised. They should both have been more aware given that they both work at the school.

Again, I will say there is nothing wrong with what she did per se, just as there is nothing wrong with applying sun cream to a child's face or arms, or hugging a child who is distressed or upset, but this is the crazy world we live in today and teachers have to be aware of the framework they are working within.

As much as people here would clearly like to paint me as a "rabid anti-breastfeeder", simply because I am not coming out like most others and saying this woman was right to feed her baby in the classroom, I can assure you I'm not. I've breastfed my own child, and would never want to make anyone who was feeding a baby in my presense anywhere feel uncomforable.

However, I really do believe that in this particular instance, the whole issue could and should have been handled differently.

Given how some people are and how they over-react to the silliest things, it's hardly surprising that she got a complaint from a parent. They should have almost been expecting it really IMHO.

I don't know Karala - i think we have come a long way in 30 years. I have had far more positive than negative comments on my breastfeeding in public, and I've been breastfeeding for over 2 years now (although I don't really feed the 2 year old in public these days my 12 week old gets fed when and wherever she so desires - except when driving ). Unfortunately it is the uneducated and ignorant comments of the few who are holding us back - I seriously doubt the vast majority of people would have a problem with breastfeeding in public.

Having said that, there is still a problem, mothers and babies are still asked to leave cafes, shops, waiting rooms etc with their babies. There is no legal protection for us and I feel it's a sad indictment on our society that we need it! That's why I've been organising breastfeeding picnics (this year will be our 3rd) to raise awareness for the need for legal protection, as there is in Scotland, for mothers who are feeding their babies milk in public.

But, Gunnerbean, that's the whole point. If people like this mother don't feed where there are children to see it, the views of the minority will never change.

It's people like Kerala who challenged the views of the ignorant 30 years ago who've made us into a more breastfeeding friendly society today - not that there isn't still a long way to go, but i do think we're getting there, slowly. Making mothers hide away is setting us back and making the whole thing into a non-issue. The head's response was perfectly appropriate IMO, and hopefully this mother will examine her feelings and the reasons behind them (although I may be being overly optimistic there!)

I have never found my children's teachers to be hamstrung by a politically correct agenda.

They do hug children. My DD's teacher even hugged her in the street when we bumped into her out of school hours.

Teachers should check with the parents before applying sunscreen in case the child is allergic. The teachers of my DC do then apply sunscreen to children.

As for political correctness in school in general; I am glad teachers make every effort to prevent my children from being exposed to racism, sexism and homophobia.

I would find it utterly bizarre if anyone felt the need to hide breastfeeding from children, or consult me on it before they did it.

The lesson was over, but I don't think you can assume that she needed to go home Gunnerbean. I expect all the staff wanted to see the baby at the next break time and that she was going to take it around the school.

' I think this was actually quite an unimaginative and lazy lesson for the teacher to plan on the subject of "growing". Hardly very stimulating.'

This statement is utter rubbish! It is part of the curriculum and the teacher has to teach it. I can't think of a better or more stimulating way to teach it than to get a real live baby in. The DCs would love it.