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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move DD to a new school?

392 replies

lyneham · 13/05/2009 18:21

I have started a new job and am moving into a new house closer to the new job, and also moving in with DP

I want to move DD school from September so that it will be easier to drop her off and collect her from before/after school clubs, she is in reception at the moment.

My problem is that DD goes to her Dads house every other week and he has said that he wont agree to a change of school, partly because his DWs DCs go there, and he says it would make it very difficult for school runs for them every other week.

We live in a city and it would be about 2 miles, AIBU to want to make my life easier?

OP posts:
YorkshireRose · 14/05/2009 12:54

Agree with KingCanute - even if she does not move schools, she is still creating an awkward atmosphere with her exs new family which will make her DD anxious. It is entirely reasonable for her ex to want to meet her new DP as his daughter will be living with him half the time. OP has met her exs DW.

I really hope she can put aside her hurt feelings against her ex to build a reasonable parenting relationship with him and his new family. If she does not her DD will see HER as the problem and may well distance herself from her mother as she grows up.

KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 12:56

we meet again under het up cicumstances

I think I need some rescue remedy

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/05/2009 12:57

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RumourOfAHurricane · 14/05/2009 12:57

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KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 12:59

I bend double for mine too, maybe more so because I have been there but I don't think so, I think I do what I do to simply because it is right and, no matter how much it may hurt, doing what is right by our children is our job!

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/05/2009 13:00

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KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 13:00

lol - I drank all the gin last night

YorkshireRose · 14/05/2009 13:10

Hiya KingCanute, how ya doin'?

You are not het up, you're talking a lot of sense.

Sorry to hear about your childhood experience of this situation. I had a friend of school went through the same thing. It broke my heart to see her almost in tears with worry that her parents would have a fight when they ended up in the same pub one evening when we were teenagers.

You and shine are doing great for your DCs.

KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 13:15

Sad as it may seem I almost burst with pride on my wedding day when my mother, father, stepmother, stepfather and all the new children were there and happy, chatted, laughed and drank together. I just felt that they had got it so exactly right and I was so proud to be able to take people uo and introduce them all together like that. As a child (even an adult one IYSWIM) it is the best you can ask for IMO and it is what I try to emulate for my own - with a few tweaks having a bit of experience that my parents did not have

I am well thanks Yorkshire, where do you usually hang out on here? I have not seen you around since our last, erm, conversation

redsock · 14/05/2009 13:28

Jesus some of you lot are being really bitchy.

How would you like it if you had to hand your kids over every other week to live with the ex!!

Shared residency my fucking arse.lyneham, i know what you are saying. My ex showed no interest either until his new partner started pushing him into taking a more active role, sounds like whats happened to your ex.

you do not have to keep doing this. Ask your dd what SHE wants, would she like to live with you and see him at weekends/whatever.

Do what she wants.

KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 13:31

Redsock?????

I can't even think what to write just

I really hope this is a troll now, god only knows what will happen with ideas like that - her one saving grace so far is that she has not indicated that she has started manipulating dd directly.

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/05/2009 13:33

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TheLadyEvenstar · 14/05/2009 13:45

Shineon, I have to disagree there Sorry! But the best person to ask is the DC in question. I have always asked ds1 what he wants to do with regard to his father. And when he was 3 he made the decision to call him by his name rather than dad he is now 10 1/2 and still sticks to it, if you call his father dad he puts you right on his decision.

redsock · 14/05/2009 13:47

Yes I agree there are better ways of saying what i said....but as people above me had already lowered the tone by calling OP selfish and more, i thought sod it.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/05/2009 13:49

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Original poster
lyneham · 14/05/2009 13:52

OK I have re-read the whole thread, everyone is saying the opposite to what my DP, family and friends have said. Maybe I need to re-think the school change.

How do I cope with exH having shared residency, can someone tell me that?

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 13:52

My dd is this age, she does not do the week on week off thing but still, when I collect her from her dads it is "no, i want to live with daddy" and the same when he collects her from me, it is also affected by who told her off last, who bought a toy last, who has the most interesting dvd... a child of 5yo is not able to work out and weigh up all the different elemnts involved in a decison about where they are living or any of the consequences of that. Evenstar, deciding to call some Mark/Jo/Billy rather than Dad may be important to them but is not likely to have major knock on effects is it? Deciding to change an exisitng residency arrangement is a bit more than should be asked of most 5yos!

YorkshireRose · 14/05/2009 13:54

King - I kind of scan the active threads and see what seems interesting.

I dip in and out a lot though, depends on how busy I am at work!

KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 13:54

You stop being so angry, stop looking to yourself and start looking at your dd. You have to recognise when she is actually happy and getting what she needs rather than filter what you see with your own emotions. It is hard but it gets easier with time and practice.

FabulousBakerGirl · 14/05/2009 13:55

What is there to cope with? He is her father and wants to be in her life as you do.

KingCanuteIAm · 14/05/2009 13:56

Me too Yorkshire, I wish I was busier at work actually, then I would have less time for all of this stuff

wannaBe · 14/05/2009 13:59

I would hate to have to hand my child over every other week. But you know what, millions of men have to hand their child back every other weekend and no-one seems to feel sorry for them, so why should it be any different for women?

And yes, it would break my heart to think of another woman tucking my ds in at night, and getting up to him if he were ill, and picking him up if he fell over. But I would much rather that than the new wife being a bitch stepmother from hell. Because they do exist..

MummyDragon · 14/05/2009 14:02

KingCanuteIAm "But Huw, her very raw feelings are selfish!"

Well, yes, of course our own feelings are selfish!! That's what our gut isntincts are sometimes. I don't think we can blame Lyneham for wanting to have sole custody of her daughter; however, I think that given that the joint custody situation has arisen, she does need to make the best of it and put her DD's feelings first.

Lyneham I'm sorry that some of the comments on here have been hurtful to you. I don't think anyone expects you to be happy about the situation that you're in, but you ARE in it and you do need to put DD first and maybe counselling could help you do that? All the best.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/05/2009 14:03

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YorkshireRose · 14/05/2009 14:06

If I had gone along with my DSs wishes at age 5 he would not be living with horrid old mummy who doesn't let him eat sweets for breakfast, but with all his mates at Anfield!