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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: seething at the 'no kids' instruction

156 replies

Mummyisamonster · 09/05/2009 16:59

Hi there, I have a bit of a family thang going on & need to check if I'm being totally awkward or entirely reasonable before I say anything.

DH's family have a family wedding coming up soon. My in-laws planned to invite the family of the bride over, with all of the extended family, for a big get-together on a weekend day at their house. All good.

Now the plan has changed and instead we're all going out to a local restaurant instead. The kids are NOT invited (they were invited to the do at their house). The expectation is for us to get a babysitter (in laws are picking up the tab at the restaurant.)My children are little, 3 & 5, and I work during the week so I don't really want to leave them with a babysitter to spend a large chunk of a day at a restaurant.

I can see why kids aren't invited (it's not just mine, there's another younger child in the family too)as my two would get bored easily but I'm just a bit miffed. DH has asked me to go, and not kick off but inwardly I'm seething.

Any thoughts/advice? AIBU?

Ta

OP posts:
mrsjammi · 09/05/2009 17:03

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/05/2009 17:04

I don't see why you're seething.

I can see why you'd want to be spending time with your DCs at the weekend, and if you'd rather do that than have a (presumably lovely) meal out with the rest of your family, then do so. Or get a babysitter and go to the meal, it's not as if it's a regular event, after all.

But seething? Why?

endless · 09/05/2009 17:06

sorry but yabu.
tis a pain to get a babysitter in the week, but sounds like a lovely day for you and dh, child free.

do you have to stay for the whole day, can you not go for part of it if you dont want to leave the little ones for that long?

MrsWeasley · 09/05/2009 17:08

Dh and I were recently invited to his friends "big" birthday celebrations. The invite was for DH and myself not the children so we made the decision not to go as we wanted to do something with the children. I weren't seething we just made up our minds and did what we wanted, no issues no problems.

3littlefrogs · 09/05/2009 17:08

I hear what you are saying, but TBH - if it is a restaurant, the kids would be bored rigid sitting through a long meal.

If someone had offered to take me and DH out for a meal, and pay for it, I would have arranged a babysitter and gone along and enjoyed a child free afternoon.

I certainly wouldn't be seething...

Perhaps there is a bit more going on here???

DandyLioness · 09/05/2009 17:10

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KingCanuteIAm · 09/05/2009 17:11

I don't understand, you say yourself that the children will get bored there so what are you cross about? Is it being told they can't come or is it the change of venue?

TBH, on the face of it YABU.

onebatmother · 09/05/2009 17:11

OLKN, I imagine because she is being bumped into doing what she does not want to do.

If she goes, she misses real family time. If she doesn't she will be perceived as being 'difficult'. It's not a real choice, in that neither option is good. I can see why the op is angry.

FabulousBakerGirl · 09/05/2009 17:11

I don't see that she is being unreasonable just because someone else is paying.

seeker · 09/05/2009 17:13

I don't understand the problem [bit thick emoticon]

daisydora · 09/05/2009 17:15

Can see both sides tbh.

I'd go, spend a couple of hours at the most and then say you are leaving to spend some time with the kids.

CarGirl · 09/05/2009 17:15

Hmmm if people want a child free even then it's very strange to hold it during the day, an evening absolutely fine.

3littlefrogs · 09/05/2009 17:16

Why not get a babysitter for a couple of hours, enjoy the meal, then leave and spend time with your children.

It is just part of one day out of one weekend. When my children were small, DH and I both had to do overtime on some of our weekends - having worked all week - and we just had to get babysitters.

Unless I am missing something here, I just don't see why you would be seething.

Thunderduck · 09/05/2009 17:17

YABU.Particuarly as they are paying.

DeeBlindMice · 09/05/2009 17:23

YABU your dh has asked you to go, can't you just go and enjoy yourself?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/05/2009 17:25

Why would she be perceived as "difficult" for not going, onebatmother? I really don't get it.

SalLikesCoffee · 09/05/2009 17:31

From the information you've given, you are unreasonable, sorry.

Nothing wrong with a couple of hours away from your children even on "your" weekend (which is what I call my weekends, as I don't see my ds much during the week either, so understand what you mean there). It's obviously not something that happens every weekend.

If however you'd rather spend the time with them, then good - still no reason to be cross with anyone. Perhaps if you explain calmly to dh that you just miss them too much, he'd understand.

slowreadingprogress · 09/05/2009 17:31

YANBU. I'd simply explain that you'd rather be with your kids as you work during the week. I think it's highly rude of people to arrange daytime things which spefically exclude the children of close relatives; children can't simply be airbrushed out of life when it's convenient and no one should criticise you for choosing to spend precious time with your children instead.

Thebolter · 09/05/2009 17:31

I think if you can easily get a babysitter that you are happy to leave the children with for an afternoon you should take the opportunity to be wined and dined for free and enjoy yourself sans l'enfants.

sarah293 · 09/05/2009 17:35

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cbmummy · 09/05/2009 17:37

I can see your point on only seeing the kids at weekends. Perhaps decide if you think you need to go - depends on who the relation getting married is I guess.

If there is no way out then I don't think it is to difficult. It is a special occasion after all and your in laws appear to have gone to a lot of effort.

3littlefrogs · 09/05/2009 17:40

Maybe they just thought the children wouldn't enjoy a long meal in a restaurant. Mine wouldn't at that age.

I suppose I just wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

purpleduck · 09/05/2009 17:40

Its only one day!! Its hardly going to scar the children emotionally!!

Although it may be easier for you to bring your children to the in-laws house, having a big dinner at their house seems like an enormous amount of work.

However, I also do think that the choice should have been yours as to whether you could bring your children or not, and they are part of the family too.
SO,
-they have the right to change the venue to avoid all the work

  • Your children will be fine for one day -BUT they should have let you decide if your children can handle it or not.
Ivykaty44 · 09/05/2009 17:41

what is it that you are miffed about?

Your children would get bored at the restaurant so actually not taking them with you would be a bonus as you can enjoy the meal and relax

You have been invited for a meal at someone elses expense, so not a problem with money

slowreadingprogress · 09/05/2009 17:41

well put Riven. I work full time now and to me, and ds, actually a few hours 'child free' or 'sans l'enfants' etc is not at all what we want and would be a big, big intrusion. Also DS who is 7 feels he is part of our family and would find it bizarre if all 'his' grown ups decided to go out for a nice meal and specifically excluded him!