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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

tp think this mother should have disciplined her ds's?

173 replies

cheshirekitty · 06/05/2009 20:02

Work in a NHS outpatients department. One woman had her two sons with her - ages about 6 and 8. The boys where running about the waiting room, running about the corridors leading to the clinic rooms.

We do procedures in our clinics, so often women may feel a bit weak etc after seeing the doctors.

Mum made no effort to check her sons, so I asked them to stop running about. The younger son then said something to me (not nice). Mum ignored it all.

AIBU to think she should have exercised some parental control?

OP posts:

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 20:25

I don't see that post as agressive at all. If the boys continued to run amok as was suggested, then the situation doesn't appear to have been under control at all. Patients continued to be at risk of being knocked over - that's very worrying.

juuule · 08/05/2009 20:27

As you can see from Cheshirekitty's last post the boys did stop running amok after she spoke to them. They went into the docs office so weren't a problem anymore.

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 20:28

Please report it - it's the only way that this type of verbal assault can be evidenced, and the only way that a case for more resources to combat this type of abuse can be argued.

MIAonline · 08/05/2009 20:28

Paolosgirl, you don't seem sure which side of the fence to sit on. You have gone from one extreme side of the argument to the other.

Original poster

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 20:29

Paolo, sorry, do not understand your post.

OP posts:

lunamoon2 · 08/05/2009 20:29

At the risk of being flamed......

When I was at school nobody ever, ever ,ever, in a million years would have told a teacher to f off and I did attend school in a "disadvantage" area, where teachers were paid so called "danger money" I kid ye not.

Yes there were naughty kids but perhaps the clue lies in the fact that the school did have a very solid disciplinary policy ie the cane. They were not affraid to use it either.
Now while I do not agree with physical punishment, the very fact that kids knew exactly where the disciplinary line was drawn, seems to have ensured that such behaviour was kept in check.

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 20:30

What don't you understand Cheshire?

Original poster

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 20:32

I dont see that post as aggressive? Or are you referring to previous post?

OP posts:

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 20:35

The one of 20:29 when you say you don't understand my post?

MollieO · 08/05/2009 20:35

I assume that these children learnt their language and ill discipline from someone, probably their mother. YANBU. I would have said something if I'd been attending that clinic as an outpatient and I would certainly expect NHS staff to say something. Even if she is ill and doesn't have a break it is still unreasonable. If they are school age then she would get a break during the day. Being a lone, ill parent doesn't mean you have to raise ill mannered, ill disciplined children.

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 20:38

Mollie - my 11 year old son (I refer to the challenges we face with him earlier in this thread) has sworn at my dh and I. We never swear in this house. Can you tell me where you assume he learns this language from?

Original poster

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 20:43

Paolo - your post of 20.25. A lthough my brain is a bit foggy at the moment as we overbooked our clinic so I was 2 hours late and got stuck in the biggest traffic jam in the world (slight exageration).

Right, this is nowt to do with my op but I would like opinions. We overbook our clinics to stop people waiting weeks for an appointment (or months), but obviously if we only have one doctor in clinic and 2 patients booked for 1pm, 1.15 etc patients have to wait. The booking system does not allow us to book patients after 5pm. So patients have to wait to see the doc. But would you rather do that or wait weeks? I do not mind working extra hours for nowt, but am worried about patients waiting in the waiting room for over half an hour.

OP posts:

MollieO · 08/05/2009 20:46

At 6 yrs old I would imagine that they learnt it from their family. If they learnt it from school then I would expect the parents to ensure the children understood that it is not appropriate language to use. Of course there are exceptions as you describe in your post (I answered the OP not your post) but as a rule I don't think being a single parent gives you carte blanche not to bother with enforcing good behaviour.

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 20:48

Will just check what I was wittering on about at 20.25....

Ahhh, that was in reponse to juuule who posted at 20.21.

Re your other query - can I ask why you overbook? Is it in case people don't turn up?

Original poster

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 20:53

No, we overbook so that we can fit people in, ie urgent cases, pain etc. That way we can get them on a care plan faster, and treated faster, but I do not like people waiting in the waiting room for longer than necessary. The alternative is to cancel people and I feel that is unacceptable as people make plans ie work etc.

OP posts:

juuule · 08/05/2009 20:58

I would rather wait over half an hour rather than weeks.

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 21:03

If it's to try and fit in the urgent cases, then def. would rather wait the half an hour than weeks. I would explain it to them when they book though, so they know that they will be seen, but depending on the caseload, it might be later than stated on the appointment time - and if possible give an approximate wait time when they arrive for the appointment. I used to really appreciate this when I went to our GP with DS - if it was a 40 min wait I could take him for a walk.

TheFallenMadonna · 08/05/2009 21:05

I would have told the children to stop.

I think the "you should tell the mother to get them to stop" and "the mother may be too ill to manage" arguments are incompatible, and I think tha a 6 year old and an 8 year old should be able to be asked to behave by an adult they don't know without being traumatised.

Original poster

cheshirekitty · 08/05/2009 21:08

Yes, we do all that paolo. Know we are going to get found out by management anyday, but I would not appreciate having my appointment cancelled at short notice which sometimes happens (some of our docs will def not see extra patients, others are easily bribed with tea, coffee and choc biscuits).

OP posts:

Paolosgirl · 08/05/2009 21:10

Sounds like a good system to me - hope you manage to keep it going.

AnnieLobeseder · 09/05/2009 11:24

Peachy - no, I'm afraid I feel it's you missing the point. This was in a hospital, a situation where it is extremely dangerous for children to be running around unsupervised, both to the children and to everyone else. The mother should have been keeping them supervised and under control. Saying she might not have noticed their behaviour is just not an acceptable excuse.

Peachy · 09/05/2009 11:56

The thing is Lob

I never said that.

I said many,many times over that I felt it must be dealth with whatever the reason

i then (and the thread then)proceeded to discuss reasons why it might have happened like that

I dont think people are genrally posting that its OK to let your kids do any of the things in the OP

Conversation on MN progresses; my posts answered q's and opinions posted in other posts, thats how it goes

AnnieLobeseder · 09/05/2009 12:54

Fair enough Peachy, it's just that you mentioned me personally and said I was missing the point. I disagree. All very good for keeping the debating spirit alive, yes?

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