tp think this mother should have disciplined her ds's?

[cheshirekitty]

Work in a NHS outpatients department. One woman had her two sons with her - ages about 6 and 8. The boys where running about the waiting room, running about the corridors leading to the clinic rooms.

We do procedures in our clinics, so often women may feel a bit weak etc after seeing the doctors.

Mum made no effort to check her sons, so I asked them to stop running about. The younger son then said something to me (not nice). Mum ignored it all.

AIBU to think she should have exercised some parental control?

FWIW I think the mother needs disciplining first. Then the children.

At what age do you think mums should stop apologising on their dc's behalf nappyaddict??

Well, I would apologise for my child at 8 or 10 if they dared to speak to tell someone else to fuck off and then would make them apologise for being so rude. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your child's actions. I am actually amazed that you wouldn't apologise on their behalf nappyaddict. And if they are old enough to be responsible for their own actions, they are old enough to know that running around in a place where there are elderly and sick people isn't the done thing. And this was blatently not the case.

I am just fed up with people not taking responsiblity for their kids and providing proper boundaries - I see it a lot. And before I get flamed, I know for a fact that the majority of these kids do not have SN.

Nappyaddict -"Why should the mother apologise?"

Because her 2 children who she has responsibility for were being outstandingly rude and running around being a danger to other people and causing a nuisance. And she should have got them to apologise too.

To be fair parents of children with SN rarely if ever ignore their children. They will know what happens, they will be, as Peachy said, the helicopter parent hovering over them all of the time.

I would most certainly apologise for my eight year old if he were to ever speak in that way to anybody, that would be after I had made him apologise too.

It also really wouldn't worry me in the slightest if my boys were told to stop running in a corridor, I am quite sure they are told this several times a week at school!

We spend far too much time in hospitals in this household and it would upset me when having a consultation if a child kept barging in. Mind you I clearly remember getting quite distressed in an ENT appointment for DS2 where we were being told he has a permanent hearing loss, and one of the other doctors kept coming in asking for advice. Now I wanted to tell him to bugger off! I didn't though, I just gave him 'the look'.

i cant see how this no brainer has got so many replies.

having a bad day does not absolve you from your parenting.

and i would say that someone would have to have more bad days than good for their children to tell someone in a position of authority to fuck off

and also to think it is acceptable to run around a hospital.

i think my children knew better than that aged three never mind that age

I would apologize if my 13 year old told someone to fuck off!

And, actually, if I had a child with special needs I would, for the sake of the child, explain the situation in circumstances like this - I would hate to think that anyone was thinking my child was being a brat when he or she wasn't.

I agree with custardo, this is a 'no brainer', but then it seems that some precious children (whether first born or not!) can behave how they want with no discipline, manners or respect from either themselves or their parents. The majority of parents work hard to instill a sense of right and wrong (some in very difficult situations) and yes we should be vocal about the minority that just can't be bothered

And as for the Op being questioned about why she shouldn't post on MN, that is ridiculous and MN would be suddenly be a lot quieter if all the teachers, nurses, doctors etc stopped posting

Whilst emphasising awareness that this is almost certainly not a SN debate (before I get jumped on LOL )

'" Seeker - Stats are 1 in 100 are autistic and it is on the increase. In NHS employment situation & blame culture it isn't worth risking being accused of discrimination or being insensitive."So there is a 1 in 100 chance that the children had some sort of special needs. That means that there is a 99 out of 100 chance that they were simply being brattish and their mother didn't have the inclination or, more likely, the energy or spirit or life force to deal with them. In which case it's a good thing that cheshirekitty stepped in to help.'

there are other SN's which acn cause behavioural issues so really 99% would opnly refer to chances of non- ASD; DHD, ODD, etc etc etc....

Also- whilst you're right about explaining and I almost always do, these days its less and less coz if you do try someone will invariably turn aorund and make a comment about ASD = excuses / shouldn't be allowed out / fault of poor apents etc, and some days I can't be arsed tbh.

But if my boys told someone to fuck off yes absolutely there'd be words, no doubt, so not arguing with that- just expanding on earlier posts.

Blimey! If a child of mine swore like that at anyone I would certainly apologise. Let alone the other bad behaviour.

Surely parents of children with SN teach their children manners and how to behave in public just like they would with a non SN child - granted there are some conditions which make it harder (or indeed impossible) for the child to understand how to read and react to the complexities of social situations. I think that just because a child is badly behaved it's a bit of an insult to assume it's because he has SN. Just as it would be insulting of me to assume that if a child has SN that he will be badly behaved. (head explodes with trying to get point across coherently..)

At the moment I ask DS to say sorry once. If he does it I don't apologise aswell. He has delayed development and speech so sometimes it takes him a while to register what I've asked him to do and actually do it so if he doesn't say sorry I will apologise myself. All children are different so you can't really pick one age where they should all be capable of saying sorry for themselves. Most children I know of school age would say sorry if they were asked to but I accept this will no be true of all children.

CK I know you didn't ask the mother to apologise but someone else on the thread said they were shocked she hadn't.

I don't think all parents of SN children would always explain themselves. I know friends and family of mine with SN children get fed up with saying it all the time and have also heard people saying under their breath things like "oh the special needs card. great excuse that one."

I don't think doctors, nurses, teachers etc should stop posting but I don't think they should publicly moan about the people they work with. I know I certainly wouldn't want to go back to a doctor or nurse if I discovered they'd been moaning about me or my family to all and sundry.

But that's just my opinion. Hmm seem to have said that a lot recently.

agreed stanausauruswrecks

My comment was meant is this way too, however, felt i couldnt really type it rightly, without me sounding as if i was being horrible about children with disabilities, or behaviour problems.

For what its worth to the OP

I would go mad, and definetly had said something to my DC"s had they told you to Fuck off, one is 10,and other is 5

Thankfully though, my DC"s do not speak in this manner to anyone

why not? because im not a lazy assed mother, who wouldnt get off my ass to sort my kids out if they were misbehaving, and i have and still am teaching my DC"s right from wrong.

I would agree that you wouldn't want a teacher, doctor or nurse etc to publicly moan about you, if the situation was easily identifiable or the poster was, but in situations such as the op has faced, unfortunately lazy parents are so common that it would be difficult to recognise who it was!

stanausaurus (sp) of course we teach that (manners etc) but theability to understand the expectations we can have of our kids varies

saying fuck off never Ok

but running about (not in thiscase I feel) sometimes difficult to avoid..... I expect total manners from ds2 (sen) though he does fidget, wander etc; ds1 is rude but always told off for it- swearing a no-no (though he tries), but he cant moderate tone, expression etc; ds2 though if I explain its alregely for toher peoples benefit as he understands little language, aspecially when in an alien place such as a clinic. None of the boys particularly look SN I would say, though ds3 does do a lot in the way of stimming, eye contact that gives clues I think.

I ahve seen ds3 bump people though when I have been dealing with ds1 (when he goes into meltdown the world has to stop) and I expct they think I am rude but I am certainly not, just tryiong to dealwith most pressing situation.

For which reason I rarely go out unattended by another adult.

peachy, i think by you stating "I ahve seen ds3 bump people though when I have been dealing with ds1 (when he goes into meltdown the world has to stop) and I expct they think I am rude but I am certainly not, just tryiong to dealwith most pressing situation."

I know if was around in this situation, i would clearly be able to see that you wasnt a lazy mother.And that you was attending to another child.

However, very clearly from OP post, its almost obvious the mother was not remotely intrested in who her DC"s were upsetting, the possible dangerous situation eg. old people being pushed etc etc that the children could have caused

IMO the lady was a lazy woman

Oh I know Wb, just furthering on from other posts really,

but I'm not sure a general viewwer in for example a park would realise necessarily I was the one responsible for ds1 if there was a bunch of aprents: I watch him like a hawk (I have to) but you know how it is when there's lots of kids!

Did the OP ever clarify if the mother knew that the boy had told her to fuck off?

I think the mother should have been controling her children, and she should have told them off for telling someone to fuck off, I see we have had the usaul rubbish here about oh maybe she was having a bad day, tough no matter how bad your day is you still need to control your kids, maybe the kids were SN oh goodie Ican go tell my SN child he can run amuck as it seems it is expected, ok a SN child may not understand do not run about in a hospital and tell people to fuck off.... but they might not understand do not run in to the road or jump off a roof but I bet mothers would stop them doing that.
Onnly when people stop making excuses for their bad children, and poor parenting and others stop making excuses for them will children behave.

Do you have a child with SN Kimi?

Yes I do, and he behaves and if he does not I repremand him. I would not let him tell an adult or anyone to fuck off and for ds1 the temptation to do so is big, in fact if he told someone to fuck off I would say it was 99% down to his SN but it is still unaceptable and he would be told so and made to say sorry

Firstly, the OP STILL hasn't clarified whether the mother knew the child told her to fuck off. Secondly, there have been other posters on here who also have children with SN who have explained why they might have been running - I don't think they can be dismissed out of hand.