Agree with Mrs Mattie.
I have an 11 year old who always been a - how shall I put this - challenge. We have 2 other children who are pretty bog standard in their beahviour. We've been to parenting classes, been referred to a psychologist, been to the GP, referred to a family centre - you name it, we've done it. He's not SN, but is, in the words of the pyschologist "at the extreme end of normal".
Now, I've probably been that mother. Whilst he wouldn't have told you to fuck off, I can imagine him running around and causing mayhem - esp. if the appointments were running late. I had to time appointments to the minute, so we weren't sitting for too long. If they were running late (as they often are), I would feel sick at the thought of what would happen. I'd have to go in laden with books, toys etc, and once he'd got bored of them he'd be off creating mayhem, and 'zoning out' so it literally wouldn't have mattered what I said to him.
If you can imagine living with a child like this for 11 years, with constant challenges over behaviour day in, day out, year in, year out, and no support, you can perhaps also imagine that occasionally I would need medication for depression. You can also perhaps imagine that very, very occasionally I may not have been physically or mentally able to cope with him - I literally could not face having to deal with the behaviour once more that day.
So - for all of the times you've judged me, or a mother like me, for the horrible offspring, I apologise, because yes, he shouldn't have run around, and yes, you have ever right to speak to him.
DS threw a chair at me last night, screamed and shouted, kicked his sister, slammed doors so hard that a picture fell off the wall and stuck his middle finger up at me. I'm going back to the GP to BEG for help. Please wish me luck.