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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

tp think this mother should have disciplined her ds's?

173 replies

cheshirekitty · 06/05/2009 20:02

Work in a NHS outpatients department. One woman had her two sons with her - ages about 6 and 8. The boys where running about the waiting room, running about the corridors leading to the clinic rooms.

We do procedures in our clinics, so often women may feel a bit weak etc after seeing the doctors.

Mum made no effort to check her sons, so I asked them to stop running about. The younger son then said something to me (not nice). Mum ignored it all.

AIBU to think she should have exercised some parental control?

OP posts:
hester · 06/05/2009 21:42

I'm all for a bit of judging, within reason. It builds the social consensus on which behaviours are acceptable in a civilised society. As we're seeing, it doesn't work if we expect just one person - a mother - to carry the entire weight of socialising the next generation. Posters may be right that she was tired, ill etc - all the more reason for everybody else to communicate with her children about acceptable behaviour, IMO.

hester · 06/05/2009 21:44

Plus, having worked in hospital outpatients myself, I have to say I have every sympathy with the OP. Lord, don't the staff have enough to put up with without having to think through all the background reasons why a patient may be behaving badly?

thirtypence · 06/05/2009 21:48

Children running around in a hospital - well they were probably bored out of their minds.

Telling you to F off however, bang out of order however bored they were.

Mum saying nothing - well where do you think they learnt such charming manners?

Ripeberry · 06/05/2009 21:57

Most hospitals have rooms just for kids to play in so they don't bother the adults, also does your hospital have notices to say parents MUST keep children under control?
As thirtypence said those kids must have been really bored and the mum just did not care.
Problem is maybe the only way she knows how to discipline them is to give them a clip round the ear, so she could not do that in full view other people, makes you wonder

charmargot · 06/05/2009 21:57

It's your place of work, your rules. Of course YANBU. I'd do the same. Taking children to hospital you know they'll be bored so you either don't bring them or when necessity means you have to, you bring them a comic or something to keep them occupied. You do not allow them to run riot and if you do you'd expect someone to step in.

MIAonline · 06/05/2009 22:10

YANBU and I agree with independiente, sometimes we do need to think and judge behaviour to be unacceptable and
there will always be well maybe she this .. and maybe she that.., but the fact remains her children were beahing in a way that was not acceptable in that situation and when challenged told a member of staff to F*off!

We need to challenge this behaviour more, not less and it goes back to the child not only being brought up by the parents , but by the community and learning to behave in an acceptable way.

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 06/05/2009 22:21

Thanks for the support. 2 years ago when I worked on a ward, I had a relatives child skating (heelys?) around the ward. This was an acute surgical ward, we have patients on drips, with drains walking about the ward.

Am slightly bemused that people think it is acceptable for children to run about a hospital.

OP posts:
MillyR · 06/05/2009 22:25

Who said it was acceptable? I don't believe anyone did.

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 06/05/2009 22:29

Did not say anyone here said it was acceptable, but obviously the parents of the child who was skating in heelys thought it was acceptable. Sorry should have used the past tense.

OP posts:
MillyR · 06/05/2009 22:31

I really hope the heelie people were asked to leave. Heelies should be banned from a lot of public places.

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 06/05/2009 22:34

Nope, got told to f**k off again.

Think I may change my name badge to nurse f* off.

OP posts:
MillyR · 06/05/2009 22:38

That is truly awful for both you and the patients having to endure this. I am adding feral kids to my list of reasons why I dread ever having to go into hospital.

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 06/05/2009 22:46

Milly - will not tell you about the time I saw teenagers biking up the hospital corridor, but will tell you it was the day my handbag was stolen from the staff room.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 07/05/2009 07:46

Not one person on this thread has said it was acceptable behaviour for those children to be running about.

And people said you should have spoken to the mother first not knowing you didn't know who the mother was.

screamingabdab · 07/05/2009 08:39

edam and hester I could not agree more !

ruddynorah · 07/05/2009 08:49

you should have spoken to the mum. i do it a lot where i work. i'm in a big homeware dept of a shop and you would be amazed how many parents think it's absolutely fine for their kids to jump on the beds. the other day i had to speak to a mum and dad who'd taken their kids shoes off, popped them on the top bunk of a bunk bed to bounce and trotted off to browse the rest of the department.

Bucharest · 07/05/2009 08:52

Pfft- and maybe her cat got run over so she was sad- no excuse for the divilchile behaviour- especially in a public place where they might have caused serious damage.(to themselves or others)
Why weren't they at school anyway?
YANBU- I would have spoken to the mother, but if she didn't get up and sort them out then I would have done.

MrsMattie · 07/05/2009 08:59

Kids shouldn't be 'careering into people' unchecked, no, and they certainly need to be hauled up for swearing at you. That's terrible behaviour, and YANBU re: that.

But it can be very hard to keep boisterous young children 'under control' in a confined space like a waiting area. I have had some shockers with my 4 yr old son in similar situations. He goes a bit stir crazy and I am sure people think I am rubbish for 'not disciplining him'. Truth is, I know that sometimes it will just escalate the situation and make it worse if I get heavy handed about it.

The behaviour you described does sound like it was pushing the boundaries, but on the flip side, I find people's tolerance levels for noisy young children very low sometimes. Is it realistic to expect a 6 yr old to sit quietly? I'm not sure it can always be expected, no.

stanausauruswrecks · 07/05/2009 09:03

YANBU - Yep, I'd have given them an earful about why they shouldn't be arsing about, AND spoken to the mum as well (evil witch face emoticon) Like Bucharest said, they should be in school anyway.
It's amazing how many people drag their kids along to hospital to visit run riot in the corridors and then get all arsey when they are asked to control their kids stop them turning off the ventilator on bed 14

Nekabu · 07/05/2009 09:03

MrsMattie and others who've made similar comments, would your mother have let you run around like that when you were little? Mine certainly wouldn't have!

sleeplessinstretford · 07/05/2009 09:04

i can't believe some of the replies on here (and i am about as fucking do gooding as they come btw)
If the children were running around then they need to be dealt with,by someone.
And i would absolutely expect a 6 year old to be able to sit quietly for a period of time and am astounded that you think this is unreasonable MrsM.
If kids are not made to sit down and (occasionally) be bored then how will they ever be able to tow the line and 'behave' at school etc?

MrsMattie · 07/05/2009 09:10

Umm, probably , yes!@Nekabu. My mum was a right old hippy. But she wouldn't have had us swearing at all. I would never have told anyone to eff off at that age. That is bad.

Oh, and I'm not a do gooder. I have a very energetic, fairly hard-to-discipline 4 yr old with special needs, so I am careful not to judge too harshly on first appearances and don't always jump on the knee-jerk bandwagon of screeching 'bad mother!' at other women who are doing a less than perfect job

Nekabu · 07/05/2009 09:21

MrsMattie, mine would have been with yours with regard to the swearing! I don't think 'bad mother' automatically either but a child who thinks it is perfectly acceptable to tell an adult to ff off does sound as though there has been a bit of a gap in their upbringing with regard to manners.

GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 09:25

I agree with Edam and Hester. What is so wrong with an adult speaking to a child directly about their behaviour if the responsible adult is nowhere to be seen or is seemingly unaware of the fact their child is acting in a dangerous manner.

When did people get so bloody precious.

Cheshirekitty, YANBU

Mumcentreplus · 07/05/2009 09:27

at some the posts...YANBU imo...if I was in that position I would have approached the children myself too