...To expect monetary contribution from my DP??

[GrumpyMoo]

... In any form. I'm not asking for all his money to go off and spend as I like. But SOMETHING towards his keep would help. And how do I ask him NOW after we have lived together on and off (more off than on TBH) for nearly a year?? HELP someone. Need kick up the backside or somehting please??

damn the hyphens!

As long as the box is in a grate with a chimney, or outside... Your ex isn't going to grow up and get decent - maybe if you'd met when he was 18 there might have been a chance, but it's not likely now. Think of how he treated his exW, shagging her while cocklodging with you! And all in front of his DD!

You will find the Right Man, because there are hundreds, if not thousands of Right Men out there. There's not just The One. And you'll probably find him when you least expect it. Give yourself a break just now, don't go looking for love while your heart is still broken. Love your children, learn to love yourself, and then you'll be ready to love a man.

Not a romantic sort of person, sorry

Oh LOL & LOL (as my 12 yo says). The chemistry cupboard? Bunsen burner eh? The best I could do was flood the physics room with water from the 'wave amking' tables. Ripple tank I think they were called. Oh how my teacher hated me!

What's wrong with re-reading the emails? Why shouldn't I read them? Too slushy? Mind changing?

Delete without reading...no question!

The whole Match.com was tongue in cheek. I've got a couple of great penpals off there though...

I have started the process of getting back to myself today. 6miles. I lost a lot of weight not that long ago (not as much as I need to !) and ended up putting some of it back on. I now am getting abck to my old routine of walking and running (not ready to diet yet!) and I'm hoping that some self esteem will follow. Not that I had any really. Or confidence either...

I know I have to be myself, by myself and let go of all crap I've been through. maybe this time it's time to let man number 3 find ME! At soem point in the future where I can look a size 14 in the eye and not flinch, maybe!

I will be ok. Kick up bum administered. Point got. Squidgy heart listen up! Wallow (for a bit), mend (as long as it takes), let go (for ever!)

ish

you see the bunsen burner was on but I did the classic thing of fiddling about with the wrong gas tap so in an unwary moment had a 2 ft flame leap across the cupboard and set a few things alight

Big dramatic gesture that, probably the most exciting thing about the relationship

Reading them is giving him more time and energy, probably not mind changing but if they are romantic etc they are likely to make you nostalgic for the man he wasnt quite up to being. (thats a weird sentance, sorry)
Unless you want to keep them for a scurrilous novel exposing the inner life of a cocklodger?

Good for you Grumpy. Get those endorphins going!

(Says she... couch potato. )

And we're here if you start wavering again.

Wasn't wavering! Oh no, not me!!! Just... feeling a little alone maybe? Loneliness is a bad bad thing. maybe that's why mr lodger stayed so long?

Two foot flames! Blimey! I will think about the expose/trashy novel on.... Britains' Growing Trend; Cocklodgers - What You Think You Don;t Know, But Suspect You Might! They Are Among Us!

Until we boot them out that is!

I am off to bed. Both sides of it!

night night. x

Enjoy starfishing.

Well hey out there. It's been a month and I thought you lovely people would like an update? I ahve had the weirdest month. All the emails form him (that I have ignored) and his last email was accusing me of sending him a letter! I have my good days and my bad days. On my good days I don't think about him very much at all. The bad days everything remnds me of him. Sopngs make me cry, the empty place on the pillow makes me cry. I get angry.

But I am chatting to several lovely blokes on the internet and they are gradually reminding me that there is life out there for me yet. Who knows I may even meet one or a few for coffee one day!

So there you go, a peek into life after man. Part 3! Oh and I'm nearly finished apinting my bathroom! All in the colours I wanted and lots and lots of lovely white gloss!!

Take it easy out there folks. Big Hugs!

Hey Grumpy
I just read the whole thread after getting involed on page one and not since....bloody good job! Small cheer for you...wwwoooaaaayyy!
(and fumble is clearly- so clearly your ex/ex's w it's untrue. Crazy feckers.)
xxxx

@ white gloss. The only way is up, and all that.

Hey there. Oldlady I need your wise words here again! Sorry . I don't know what to do. I have just learnt that he has been in hospital for a week. That he nearly died in there. He has just been discharged so thankfully I don't need to think about whether to visit him or not. But when I heard he was ill I was devastated. It completely floored me.

I felt wretched and guilty and my first thought was to go and see him. I don't think it was in order to take him back again just to see he was still alive!

I don't want to live with him again (how could I????) but HOW do I switch all this off? I haven't contacted him even though he has sent me lots of emails. I've wanted to though! Have started lots but never finished them. Most are angry and spiteful. Some have been downright pathetic (binned those ones!). The others have just been that he should get over it and forget me, make his life and get on with it.

I know, I should take my own advice.

Hey GrumpyMoo good to hear from you- was musing the other day about ressurecting this thread
and im just sorry that its all still churning over inside - and it sounds as though you have been utterly strong and resolute in the last month - lots of respect for that, and in not being manipulated (eg the letter thing)and in just moving on with the positives - decorating, other relationships. How are your children doing since he went?

How did you hear about his hospitalisation? You would not be human if you did not feel for him in such a situation, and I totally understand that you want to know hes ok, etc. Its impossible to turn off feelings of concern completely but why did you feel guilty? would it not have happened if you were there? I doubt your actions caused or worsened his illness. It would be great if you were in a situation where you could sincerely communicate to him - glad you are out of hospital, but it sounds as though that would cloud things in his mind- I sadly dont have an answer for this problem

You could block his email address so they go straight to your junkmail and just empty the box without reading. If you maintain the silence he should get the message - and if he tries to contact you in other ways that can be dealt with

Its bloodly hard to stop seeing someone and move on, and I think you are doing wonderfully
Hopefully Oldlady will be back soon too

I don't want to sound all cynical, but how do you know he nearly died in hospital? That just sounds sooo much like a "...and if I had, you'd have been sorry" sob story to me, designed to make you feel guilty when you have nothing to feel guilty about. He's a manipulator, I suspect he's just pulling your strings again and was actually having a boil on his arse lanced when he suffered a hayfever attack, sneezed and hit his head on the trolley.

Of course, he may have had an overly-intimate experience with the 47 bus, in which case I apologise for my nasty suspicious mind.

You can't switch it off, but not communicating is a good idea, and you're doing well on that front. Give yourself a pat on the back, and stop beating yourself up. You know you (and your dc) are better off without him, and slowly you'll come to really understand that too. He'll fade into insignificance in the end, but it won't happen overnight.

In the meantime, hold your head up and be strong. He has his ex to run around after him, he doesn't need you.

Glad to hear you are doing well.

As for the ex: As OLDLADY says....he has his ex to run around after him.

Hey there oldlady and love the new name ping no idea what it means but...

I found out about his being ill through a mutual acquaintance, one that he doesn't know I know and they don't know that I know him either. And I phoned the hospital to check and he had been in there. You are right with the severity. Could have been an ingrowing toenail lol.

As far as I'm aware he doesn't know I know, but if Fumble is still hanging around that may well not be the case much longer!

ping I don't know why I felt guilty. I don't feel guilty anymore though, just sad. So maybe it was just a knee-jerk type thing at the thought of him being really ill and me not being there to look after him.

I wish I could turn it all off as he has accused me of doing. My heart wouldn't feel quite so battered then.

I wish there was some way I could express to him my sympathy without him being hurt by it, or me being hurt all over again. It feels really wrong not to be able to show even basic humanity in this sort of situation!

And as for the ex? She can go #@# grr. Mind you it must've screwed up her work schedules not having him on tap for babysitting! Bless, my heart just brims over with sympathy for her (or something else entirely!)

Thanks you guys for sticking with this. Have a great sunny Sunday out there.
xx

In that case, Fumble, I apologise for my nasty suspicious mind. You're still a fuckwitted cocklodger, though.

Grumpy, you cared about this bloke, and thought he was a decent guy (or could be, if he put the effort in.) Of course you're sad he's not, because you're a kind-hearted woman who wants to see the best in people, so it hurts when you have to see the bad. You still keep looking for the positives though, and wish things could be different. You still mourn the relationship you would have liked to have had.

pauses to check tenses make some sort of sense

But it's dead, or rather never really existed at all. You've had the funeral (when you returned his goods and chattels) and it's good you're not throwing yourself on his gravecontacting him. Now you just have to wait for time to heal your heart, until you're ready to try again with another, better man.

And if the next one seems weird at all, let us know here on MN and we'll check him out for you.

Sorry for the dramatic pause in reply! Oldlady you had your tenses just right. As you did your advice. As usual! I know I just have to 'let it go'. And I am. I'm trying to take it day by day just now. So far, today has been ok. Saturday will be a challenge as my ex-h is remarrying and I agreed to take my children up there so they wouldn't miss it.

Don't get me wrong I am very happy for him. Seriously, he is a nice guy (for his new lady NOT for me!lol) and I wish him all the best. I guess I'm a bit jealous really. Not surprising under the circumstances I know. I had almost planned a wedding with 'el cocklodger' this time last year for about this time.

Who knew??? I really didn't think it would have ended up like this. I know that's a horribly redundant statement!

I'm still emailing quite a few guys from the internet which is entertaining! Some of them are annoying. Bless them. men can be quite limited can't they? Haven't got to the coffee stage yet though. And I'm not sure I'm all that worried to be honest! I'm not looking for anything heavy or permanent just yet.

If I do find a new one then of course I will let you guys know! Watch this space. Mind you I'm hoping I won't have much to moan about with the next one!!! he can't possibly be as bad as fumble mr cocklodger can he? Or is that tempting fate?

Take it easy. Huge appreciation for the sympathetic ear kick up the arse.

I nearly missed this!

I think you're very strong and very "together" to be able to feel the way you do about your ExDH, and I definitely think you have reason to be proud of yourself for that. Seriously, with the amount of bile that can be thrown around MN for exs (often with good reason) I'm really impressed.

Understand the wee bit of jealousy, though. But it's only a twinge, eh?

And the Next Right Man will appear when you least expect him to. [fatuous cliche emoticon] Or you'll find him on a dating site, whatever.

Good luck Grumpy!

Hey guys. I've just come back from my first date post 'cocklodger' and I have exactly the same amnount of money in my pocket as I did to start with. Maybe, just maybe all men aren't sponging badtards. he was LOVELY really lovely. And all I wnat to do is cry. I really like him. But then I really liked my last man. He seems to want to see me again which I'm taking to be a good sign. Well, good as in I would like to see HIM agian. Wouldn't be quite so good if I thought he was a pratt and really boring!!!

Woohoo! Good for you- I hope you enjoy a bit more being wined and dined, makes a nice change!