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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some women marry into wealth on purpose!

170 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins · 23/04/2009 22:15

I am meeting LOADS of "yummy mummy types" at the moment who have married really wealthy men, now SAHM, driving flash cars who before didn't work in higly paid jobs.....so begs the questio, did they set out to acheive this or marry for love?????

OP posts:
ZZZen · 24/04/2009 11:21

well I think a lot of people factor in the question of wealth/income/lifestyle when they consider getting married amongst many other considerations. You can be all starry eyed and in love and that's fine but you also have to consider what it will be like living with someone 10 years later and what daily life will be like. Some women would be apprehensive about having dc if the family income was below a certain level etc.

I have met some gold-digger types who quite obviously married forthe money and were never in love with their partner but seem to cope with the dh they have and that man seems happy so I suppose it works for a lot of people. Bit like arranged marriages in the past I suppose.

I think I should have married into great wealth, I would have been good at that life but as it happens I didn't. I would at least have to like the person if not love them and I couldn't marry somehow I found physically a total turn-off tbh

spokette · 24/04/2009 11:21

When I was at university, this rich student was head over heels in love with me. I did nothing to encourage him at all. He was not my type and I did not bother to respond to his advances. I liked him as a friend and that was it. His best friend told me that he would give me anything I wanted, even a new car.

Anyway, after two years he got the message. He is now married to a Thai woman and very rich.

I married my DH when I earned far more than he did. We married for love, compatibility and shared dreams.

Litchick · 24/04/2009 11:27

When I met DH he wasn't wealthy but I knew because of his career choice that he would be.
I didn't intend to rely on him though because I too intended to earn plenty of money...which I didn't as it happened until very recently.

Litchick · 24/04/2009 11:30

Realise that the above post was disingenous - I have always earned good money by most people's standards - just not anything like DH which makes me minimise it. Only recently have I done that.

expatinscotland · 24/04/2009 11:32

Anyone ever see that episode of 'Ugly Betty' where Willemena and Flavia are battling it out for the same wedding venue? And Flavia shows off a photo of her intended and it's this ancient, fugly man? LOL. She oozes, 'I lahv him. And then, 'Besides, his bambinos want to cut me out of his will. Oh, do come, Willemena. You can be my 'something old'.'

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 24/04/2009 11:42

I have extremely wealthy friends that I've known(her anyway)since I was 12. He has built up a good business and taken huge risks and has reaped the rewards. I'm not remotely jealous(I don't think I know that emotion anyway)of them and they live very, very well indeed whereas I'm very 'unwealthy'.

I think I need to find me a man with money as finding a man for love hasn't worked at all...

cariboo · 24/04/2009 11:50

of course it's better to have a wealthy partner than a broke one but marrying purely for money (imo) is on a par with prostitution. But yeah, solvability is an important factor in any partnership.

traceybath · 24/04/2009 13:20

'And what first attracted you to your husband the millionaire miss x?'

I see plenty of mums at school who when i meet their DH's am rather shocked as they're so much older. Am guessing in some of those cases the money may have been a factor but who knows - perhaps they fell overwhelmingly in love.

Do think marrying for money is a little risky - they could after all lose it all tomorrow.

Also my mother certainly knew of a fair few friends who stayed with men for far longer than they should have because they couldn't contemplate life without a certain level of wealth.

auntyitaly · 24/04/2009 14:42

YANBU - but why suspect anyone's motives just because their DH is well off?

I find it odd that so many people rush to attack women who have married solvent or wealthy men - but no one drops so much as a lick of the same venom for men who marry pretty/leggy/busty women. Whether or not marrying for money is acceptable, jealousy and misogyny generally aren't considered to be.

In the words of Marilyn Monroe at the end of the Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire? "Of course money or looks ain't the most important thing - but it helps."

Oh, and at the risk of having my head kicked off, I can't help noticing women appearing on the particularly dark areas of this site who might well have easier lives and happier children if they had considered the solvency of their partner before the babies started arriving. Money doesn't make a lot of difference - but lack of it can be a disaster.

drlove8 · 24/04/2009 15:05

i know someone who married for money.... and she's getting near 40 and there seems to be lots of "competition" around her hubby in her imagination( he actually dotes on her).id hate to be that insecure , always wondering when i'd get replaced.rich men are tossers, they think if they buy you a fancy dinner then you'll sleep with them. once had an ex buy me a ticket to genevia, he had house there and wanted to go on a weekend away.sounds lovely - not when you consider id have to have dumped my kids for 3 days at 6 hours notice just so he (he thought) he'd have a chance of getting his leg over...

Highlander · 24/04/2009 15:11

I met a WAG last night at parents' evening. v young, v thin (obviously ). Dressed v expensively. She was v nice and said, 'this is fun.nice'. (English not too good). And my knee-jerk thought was that it must be crap being the trophy WAG, not being just ordinary mum. We're well off compared to loads, but the whole POsh 'n' Becks lifestyle suddenly aint so appealing.

brettgirl2 · 24/04/2009 15:19

Auntyitaly - I think there is a major difference between considering solvency and marrying for money. I would not marry someone who was in loads of debt because I couldn't live like that. I could also not be with someone who was not intelligent or lazy(and therefore likely to have an 'average' job).

However, I think being 'kept' by a man driving fast cars and living in a big house while not being in love with them would be a pretty miserable existence but then I'm not interested in cars/showing off possessions to others.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 24/04/2009 15:24

You know, women earning their own money is a very recent development. Up until about 40 years ago, it was still very much believed that women should consider a man's earning powers when looking for a future husband - the old 'good provider' thing - it hasn't been shaken off yet and it won't be for a while.

There isn't anything wrong with it when both parties enter into the bargain with a clear agreement as to the terms - sex for him and shopping for her or whatever. No reason why there shouldn't be mutual fondness, either.

OrmIrian · 24/04/2009 15:31

What are the 'dark areas of this site' auntie?

Sounds interesting. Sort of MN underworld.

brettgirl2 · 24/04/2009 15:32

I think it is true solidgold that between you there has to be the potential to have a level of lifestyle that you will both be happy with. Otherwise money can become a big problem, I don't think that a 500k house, flash car, 5* hotels and designer clothes would make me happier. However, having a terraced house repossessed and not being able to afford to buy food wouldn't be much fun and would put strain on any relationship.

ABetaDad · 24/04/2009 15:44

I see a fair few women who marrried the rich husband down the health club that I go to. Blonde, svelt, taned and toned chatting with other 'Yummy Mummy' types.

Some of them say really nasty horrible things about their DH behnd their backs. Often their DH works long stressful hours, providing the money they so lavishly spend and are quiet open about their disdain for him.

OK not all the women are like that with a rich husband, not all the rich husbands are very nice to their wives but some of the DHs really do not deserve the really brazen, calculatedly nasty way their wives talk about them behind their backs. I know a few of the DHs and feel sorry for them.

One woman I heard talking to her friends openly said quite loudly that she only married 'him' for his money as she sipped her cooled chilled Chablis while the nanny picked up the kids from private scool and the cleaner made her home look nice while she is out. She said she intended to divorce him once his career peaked. I was totally shocked.

Many of them really unhappy people to me - but I feel that marrying their man for his money made them that way sometimes.

Glad my wife and I were both poor when we married.

chisigirl · 24/04/2009 15:48

duh.

Sorry, I mean to say "Yes of course some women marry into wealth on purpose."

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 24/04/2009 15:53

Marriage has, tradtionally, had a lot in common with prostitution - it's just that marriage is/was one client full time rather than various clients and an hourly rate. And it's true that sex work with lousy clients can wear you right down, so it wouldn't surprise me that marriage-as-a-career could become equally depressing.

(Oh and do spare the usual 600 squealing posts of 'Waah, MY marriage isn't like that!' because I'm quite aware that lots of marriages are not like that. But some ARE like that.)
In general, anyone who marries for money does earn it: you are aware that you must earn your keep, be obedient and grateful etc.

spicemonster · 24/04/2009 15:57

Yes of course they do but I can't for the life of me imagine why you're jealous. Unless you think material possessions are the root of happiness.

ChocFridgeCake · 24/04/2009 16:08

solidgold some women don't have to be obedient and earn keep in marriage too much because if all else fails they will get £££ in a divorce settlement (unless they were foolish enough to sign a pre-nup) if it was ther £££ they were in for. Ugly but true.

I think the obedient etc bit is relevant in the snaring of the (un)lucky man in the first place though.

cariboo · 24/04/2009 16:10

worst case scenario (?) - you marry a man for his money. You have kids, you're a SAHM for years, he loses his job/money & you're stuck.

pagwatch · 24/04/2009 16:12

I am sure people do it but I can't imagine why - unless they are wealthy enough to lead almost seperate lives.
If you are somewhere fabulous, dressed beautifully, drinking fine wine and good food surrounded by beautiful people and the person sitting opposite you does not generate any genuine feeling of love or happiness in you it must be a very shallow experience.
The trappings are lovely but the joy is in the company.
When I married DH he was just 21 and had not a bean. I know that some ogf the qualities I love about him are the same ones that make him good at his job but he could have ended up anywhere. We were just as happy 20 years ago when we had nought. We just have more rooms to be happy in now and I tend to be happy in nicer shoes

Haribosmummy · 24/04/2009 16:13

My DH was SKINT when I met him. More than skint, actually...

The fact that I am now a not-quite-a-yummy-mummy who doesn't work, drives a (HOOOUGE!) 4x4, lives in a nice house, has a small child and one on the way is incidental.

I've been with my DH for 10 years and worked bloody hard until the day before my son was born.

AND I'm training to be a teacher because I'll work again once the kids are at school.

I def. didn't marry for money, but for the love and respect of a good man.

And He is a very, very good man.

pagwatch · 24/04/2009 16:16

I guess also you have to think about it in the context of having to snog Berni Eccleston or shag Donald Trump. There is a price to pay.
They are braver women than I. I think they earn it TBH

ChocFridgeCake · 24/04/2009 16:17

ABetaDad - it goes both ways though. What did the man in your case study marry the shallow woman for?

Either he's a very bad judge of character OR it's just possible he married her for similarly shallow reasons.

I bet she's not exactly Waynetta Slob.