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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think some women marry into wealth on purpose!

170 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins · 23/04/2009 22:15

I am meeting LOADS of "yummy mummy types" at the moment who have married really wealthy men, now SAHM, driving flash cars who before didn't work in higly paid jobs.....so begs the questio, did they set out to acheive this or marry for love?????

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 23/04/2009 23:42

I did marry only for money, I came from poverty and did not want to go back there. I wanted to raise a child in a home where bailiffs were not at the door and hushed stressed conversations about money were always happening. I am ashamed that I did not think I could earn that for myself.

I suspect I was subconscioulsy chose dp because he had no money, it forced me to stop being pathetic and get the things I wanted for dd and myself on my own.

As long as a bin man could have poncey late night conversations and was a good father I would start a relationship with him/

zippy539 · 23/04/2009 23:43

I think some women DO set out to achieve this. If the world is fair then they will suffer for it in the long run (he'll never be there, will be shagging his PA, will be polishing his porche 4x4). On balance though I don't think the world is fair so those women will be probably be laughing all the way to the bank. On balance though I'd rather marry for love.

MrsSchadenfreude · 23/04/2009 23:43

Crackfox - I never had you down as thick! Are you sure?

twinsetandpearls · 23/04/2009 23:44

zippy I was punished in exactly that way and worse.

MorrisZapp · 23/04/2009 23:44

My DP earns national average wage plus the odd bonus. I earn a bit less then him. He is so kind and always loves treating me to stuff, often disguising it as an 'easter present' or similar daftness. I'm very lucky!

My friend has had two rich partners in a row and I can state that they are the tightest men I've ever met in my life.

It's not just having the money, it's having the generosity of spirit that matters. It's fine marrying rich, but you may end up using your own cash to furnish his house if he's as tight as some I've met.

twinsetandpearls · 23/04/2009 23:47

My rich husband was generous but always spent more on himself. But to my shame I had a credit card on which I could spend what I wanted and he paid it off.

My dp now would and does spend his last penny on dd and I and rarely on himself.

Sorrento · 23/04/2009 23:49

Why wouldn't he spend more on himself though ?
It's his money and if I remember correctly your DD is the only one, so your ex didn't have a child to spend his last penny on did he ?

zippy539 · 23/04/2009 23:52

Sorry twinset - I was being flippant, I'd hate to see any of that happening to anyone in reality. I can totally see the temptation of marrying a rich guy - thought of it myself a few times and if the opportunity had come along - who knows, maybe I would. Hope you are okay now and making your own way.

twinsetandpearls · 23/04/2009 23:54

My dd is my ex husbands child.
I am not saying that he should have spent more on me, that came out wrong. I was very spoilt and not a nice person. Although at the end of our marrage he refused to let me access any money includng my child benefit. I was homeless while he lived in his multi million pound house in Knightsbridge. I took nothing from the marrage bar some handbags though and as soon as I could stand on my feet never took a penny from him again.

Sorrento · 24/04/2009 09:20

Well then twinset you are a fool, he should be supporting his child.

BonsoirAnna · 24/04/2009 09:22

I know some women like this - former secretaries now married to partners in law firms etc. Some are definitely in there for the lifestyle and admit it. If they are happy and their DHs are happy, who is anyone else to comment?

Sorrento · 24/04/2009 09:32

It does always make me laugh that rich ugly men go for trophy wives though because there's been research that shows the biggest influence in a child's ability/success at school is the mothers education and most kids look like their Dad's.
So really really you want a highly intelligent woman to bag herself a beautiful man and the offspring will be perfect, the other way round, not so good.

Lizzylou · 24/04/2009 09:37

The women who have married rich men who never earned a lot are the ones who brag/look down on others who haven't got as much ime. They are the ones who get my goat.
My friend is married to a very wealthy man, but when they met she was earning more than him and still could once she returns to her career. She is far more grounded than the women I know who earnt nothing/next to nothing before marriage.

ClaireDeLoon · 24/04/2009 09:49

I do have an ex-colleague where he was quite well-off and she was a good bit younger, very pretty, very blonde, not overly endowed with brains but very very lovely. She did however continually want a bigger better car because the other mums at school had bigger better cars etc. Sort of I want a BMW 4x4 etc. If you only ever heard my ex-colleague talking about how his wife wanted a new car etc you might think she was a bit of a gold digger/trophy wife, I know some people who thought that. However to me, perhaps knowing them a wee bit better than other people at work, they seem very happy and are a lovely couple. Things aren't always so black and white.

rasputin · 24/04/2009 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocolateismyonlyweakness · 24/04/2009 09:57

Do you think they will always be happy as trophy wives? If so, good luck to them

Snorbs · 24/04/2009 10:08

Many years ago I worked with a woman who was quite open and calculating about her ambition to marry a rich man, largely for his money and the lifestyle it would bring her. She managed it, too.

What she didn't factor into her calculations was that a) a lot of top businessmen are unpleasantly narcissistic, b) she's not the only woman in the world willing to throw herself at a rich man, and c) if you're a rich man, you can employ very good divorce lawyers.

slug · 24/04/2009 10:14

I'll admit that one of the things that attracted me to DH in the first place was he was financially secure. He worked in the NHS (Not likely to be made redundant) and earned just under £30,000. To me, that was riches. Being with him gave me the financial security to study and gain more qualifications myself. I think at the time I was subconsciously looking for a man to be the father to the child I wanted to have.

Having said that, what I found even more attractive was his willingness to abandon his career to be a full time father.

TrillianAstra · 24/04/2009 10:20

Rasputin I am definitely the opposite of your friend. Not that I would mind if DP had more money, but anyone who buys you stuff (other than drinks, maybe flowers) on a first date is basically saying 'I am rich, be impressed'. I would not be impressed. I would think that he was saying I was clearly shallow.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/04/2009 10:28

Slug you don't need to 'admit' that. Stability and security don't necessarily need money, but it sure as hell helps.

OP - When I met DH he earned more than me, not lots more but more. Now he's on 3x what I could earn full time and it's only going to go up, and we've decided I am going to be a SAHM for a few years until we've completed our family and the youngest is in school, at which point I'll retrain and go back to work because I want another career.
I'm guessing you might look at me and think I had married him for his money, but you would be so wrong.

sarah293 · 24/04/2009 10:29

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Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 24/04/2009 10:33

I think that some women do yes. It's not a new phenomenon, in fact it's what some women have always done. My cousin did. Came from a wealthy family, she was nice but not that bright, did badly at her private school but wasn't expected to excel. Married a wealthy man and has never gone without in her life. There are times when that seems like a lovely way to live but mostly I know I'd hate it.

In her case she did (does) love her DH but there was never any question of falling in love with an unsuitable bloke. It just wouldn't have occured to her. She knew the value of a comfortable life.

GooseyLoosey · 24/04/2009 10:34

Lots of people "sift" potential partners using superficial criteria eg looks, height etc - they won't start a relationship with someone who does not meet whatever criteria they have. It seems to me that using wealth to sift out "unsuitable" partners is no better or worse than this. You have just narrowed the field - you still need to find someone on the field that you actually like.

OrmIrian · 24/04/2009 10:35

And I am proud of my ability to earn a reasonable whack off my own bat. I wouldn't like to think that I was dependent on a man for money. But that is just me. Not everyone feels like that I guess.

Morloth · 24/04/2009 10:37

You can do both you know. I fit the profile of yummy mummy I think. I swan about between the gym/school/lunches with friends and baking etc.

DH and I met when we were very young, we are both from similar families and had similar ideas about how we wanted our lives to go. My job has always been a just that a job, whereas DH has always planned a career. I married him knowing he was a workaholic with the plan that I would stay home with any children once he really needed to focus on that. Given his background, education and plans for the future I also fully expected that he would become wealthy in his own right.

I would live in the gutter with him if necessary, but I am not at all sorry that it isn't and that he makes plenty of money and we have a good lifestyle.

Money doesn't necessarily make life better, but it certainly does make life easier in many respects. I don't begrudge people wealthier than me and I don't look down on people who have less. We have worked hard over the years but I realise there is a huge element of luck at play.