to have hated my holiday in France with my children?

[kiera]

dh thinks IABU. we just had a week in Brittany and after a few days I just wanted to come home, even though I had been the one that had organised it:

• took overnight ferry over thinking would be great idea, ds2 (2) didn't sleep well so got little sleep, would only sleep with us on v narrow beds
• ds2 then threw up twice in the car when we got off the ferry (sea-sick?)
• owner of the gite tried to rip us off by demanding a clean gite from top to bottom at the end of the week or we pay her 45 euros to do it herself, plus charging for bed linen and towels if we had not brought our own, and demanded a £200 security deposit cheque before we went - is this common practice in France?!?
• remote control for the DVD player missing, owner eventually found it and dropped it off - half way through the week - so dh and I could not enjoy films together as planned
• ds1 aged 5 whining complaining not wanting to walk if we went anywhere other than the beach ie anything he didn't want to do
• both children refusing to eat the food, even familiar foods, then having tantrums when denied ice-creams as a consequence
• much planning and cooking of dinner to ensure it was something they would eat only to have it rejected
• tried to have a meal out but both kids so badly behaved we never did it again - sticking forks in the table, making loads of noise, complaining etc etc, didn't eat the (not cheap) food even though just burger and chips
• kids rejected me all week in favour of dh who was the 'favoured parent' as he is normally at work
• no time with dh to myself apart from the 2 hours in front of the telly inbetween them going to bed and us going to bed
• the worry about the ferry crossing home - 9 hours on the ferry - in case ds2 sick again (was fine thank goodness)

At times I felt like I hated my children and I hated being away and I feel like the Ungrateful Mother/Wife from Hell!!! Dh cannot understand why I am not gloriously happy...

Its what suits your family that is important Gateau, we didn't start using them until DS was 3.5 years so able to speak clearly/use the loo/play games etc. For our one "resorty" holiday a year I choose places where I know we can all indulge in some age appropriate fun, we have plenty of time together throughout the year.

Just come back from a week away holidaying in hotels and with friends around England with DW, DD (3) and DD2 (6 months) - bloody hard work but had a great time, not least as I got to see a lot more of everyone than in a normal week. We're off in June to a kid friendly hotel in the Med for a somewhat different (hotter and sunnier) holiday.

To be honest, a holiday is what you make of it. You have to expect that it'll be harder work than being at home because the kids will be harder work than they are at home - and even if they're about the same ut you don't have all the stuff to distract them at hand. You definitely come back more knackered than when you left.

But, and it's a big but, you get to spend time together with everyone without trying to scramble them out the door to nursery, get them to bed, rush to work, hurtle back, grab dinner, get them up and all the usual grind. Plus you get to do loads of things that you'd never do at home, be it splashing about in the sea, climbing mountains, eating different food, drinking at 4pm or just feeling warm for a change. Plus, plus you're on holiday so all bets are off with the kids - if they want to live on ice cream for the week, fine.

And hey, when you get back, you're a lot more bloody grateful for all those dull domestic things you took for granted as well!

We've had two hols with dd, first was to Menorca when she was a few months old and second was last year to Puerto Pollensa when she was 2.2. We are going back to PP this year but to a hotel with a kids club so that she can spend the odd morning/afternoon there as she no longer has a nap and it's nice to have a bit of time together alone in the day.

Last year we managed by spending a fortune on eating out for every evening meal and most lunches were either at a beach cafe or bought sandwiches/bakery goods. We kept a bit of bread, jam, ham, cheese and milk in the apartment and had quite low expectations of what our evenings would be like. I really enjoyed it; we kept dd up with us until around 10pm then I took her back to the apartment to settle her to sleep and have a glass of wine and a read of my book whilst dp had another drink or two in the bar at the apartments. She slept in until around 10am and we had lazy days around the pool/beach with only a bit of sightseeing in the hire car.

once you have kids you no longer have holidays. You just have day to day life in a different place. And often, it's not as nice as your home. Bah humbug !

I remember taking ds1 on a camping holiday in Wales when he was about four or five. I was single at the time so my mum and I decided to go to a campsite near where used to have a cottage.

We drove up separately ( her driving is beyond awful), I got there first and put up my tent. She arrived two hours later. I put up her tent.

Ds1 went to bed at about ten and woke at 5 a.m. He then wanted to run around the campsite and started kicking off when I wouldn't let him. (Overtired)

We spent the day going to some favourite haunts (in mum's car, can't imagine why) and getting an ice-cream, which we had to stand in the rain eating because mum wouldn't let ds1 in the car with it.

He went to bed, woke at 5, wanted to run around campsite etc etc. Mum woke up complaining. We rowed.

By 6 pm I'd packed up and driven home. (To Surrey)

Spent the rest of the holiday going on day trips and sleeping in my own bed. It was bliss.....

Libra - its interesting you say that - I have wonderful memories of childhood caravan holidays by the (UK) beaches - but my mum says she hated them 'cos it was just hard work and my dad would never agree to hotel holidays/abroad. Now I know what she means. And why dh is not keen on my crazy idea of going touring in a motorhome with the dcs...

Libra, I have often wondered the same.
My parents always seemed so happy on holiday.

Kind of started a similar thread myself in holidays having just returned from a houseswap to London with a 3 year old.

We tend to go self catering but then eat out for just about every meal, or get takeaways once DS in bed ( as my 3 pound gain in 10 days will testify )

The main thing with young children is to make it as easy on yourself as you can and work on the basis that if it can go tits up it will. I love my sleep so would have vetoed an overnight ferry crossing immediately.

I have to admit I am delighted when DS rejects me for fun Daddy and wallow in the extra time to lie back on grass and enjoy unexpected nice weather whilst DH runs around after DS, good for both of it I think.

Have to say though I just find camping generally rubbish and we are going again this year luckily only for a few days.

going away with kids is not a holiday. it's just business as usual in a different place.

Personally, I can't wait until DS2 is about 12 and we can bugger off without them for a few days

only 10 years to go....

Plumprump your comments have reminded me why I have vetoed camping every time DH has mentioned it in the last 3 years. DS was pretty good at camping when 18mnths old, at 2.5 yrs I stood 1 night of the getting up at 5 0'clock run around the campsite etc..... insisted we came home. With DD no bloody way - she has a scream that would reverberate around the campsite like a banshee..

I don't think you are BU, but we have had lot of good holidays with very little kids. The secret I think is to see it as a kids holiday, and enjoy them enjoying themselves, and not pretend it is an adult holiday (kids are now 6, 4 and 1.5 and we haven't had a real adult holiday since they arrived - no relies to leave them with)

We do self cater, and go out to eat in cheap places, but we have been lucky and find places like a pizza place with tables outside with a big play area, the kids race around and come to the table for a few mouthfulls and then race off. Also we rent a place with a swimming pool, we sit around either sunbathing/watching, or (more often) sitting on the steps in the shallow end with them splashing around. If there's no pool I take a paddling pool (and add a couple of kettles of hot water to make it nice - nothing like an outside bath to amuse for hours) a secure garden/outside space is the one thing I check before we rent somewhere, so we can let them potter. We do beaches and sandcastles and picnics in the woods where there are rocks to scrabble on etc etc. All this stuff is basically kid friendly, and I drop all the rules about food, and go with anything they will eat - chips every night I think (they don't notice that we do restrict the sweet stuff) So while I sympathise, and think you are quite justified in wanting to come home, don't give up because it is possible, but it is a matter of thinking this is the family/kids holiday, not really my rest time.

I would say though, that my kids are comfortable with change because we do do a bit of travelling to see relatives. They also don't get travel sick. We also regularly eat out in cafes (usually places the equivalent of pub lunches) so that they are used to eating out, and eating non standard food and having to sit at the table, (but we tend to do places with play areas and gardens.)

I assume they will all wake early, but now my 6 and 4 year olds will potter by themselves til 7 am. We take turns to get up, the other lies in til 8 or 9.

Hope next time is better!

I hate bloody camping, hated it when I was a kid - hate it now.

Anything less than 3 stars is camping in my book.

Camping = YUCK.

With preschool kids we did either self catering cottage in UK or apartment in hotel block often with buffet meals by sea side abroad. If abroad 1 of us would often do the child supervising whilst the other went out for a few hours, then swap over.
Staying at home with the kids is often more relaxing. It gets better once the oldest is 7 or 8, then they become teenagers and it's hard work again.

My neighbour holidays alone and her dh looks after the dc then he goes away on his holiday doing what he wants.

They have a couple of camping trips for a few days with the dc in the summer and it works for them

I have seen so many families on the st malo ferry coming home looking dagers at each other and screaming at the dc cos they just want to get home and back to normal after a horrid tense holiday. - you are not alone in your experiance.

I seem to fair ok on my own with the dc as I probably just carry on as normal when away as I am at home, with no one to tell me how to do things different.

I had lots of trips away when they were little to just give me a change of setting away from home rather than looking at it as a holiday.

People put to much on holidays and then get let down when it isn't as they expected.

YYANBU, but probably picked a holiday that didn't suit your needs.

My DC are now 7,5 & 5 and happily go off to a kids club, so our routine is:

DC get up & have breakfast. DH or I deliver them to kids club, then have a couple of hours to ourselves, either together or doing our own thing.

Then all go swimming, back for a late picnic lunch (cold meat, cheese, bread etc), then to the beach or other outing. Either pick up a takeway or out for dinner.

We choose a mobile home on a French campsite, to get the kids club and pool, and to be able to self-cater when it suits. Have always taken the DC, but last year was really the first year I'd call it relaxing!

Best thing we did was to take holidays with friends who had children of a similar age to ours.

Kids had friends to play with, there were enough adults to cope with the child care but give each other a break, and when the kids went to bed we had friends to eat with/drink with.

Worked a treat.

It's all about expectations, even if you don't have kids.

I went to Disneyland in California with DP, and it was great but it is soooo tiring.

We saw countless kids tantrumming by the end of the day. Holidays add so many stresses - at least when you're at home you don't have to call in the UN negotiators every time you want to eat.

I'll never get back all the time I've spent with DP, having passive agressive convos outside restaurants on holiday

Kiera, we had a brilliant holiday in Normandy last year, we had a mobile home on a site, with pool and take away! Ferry crossing shorter, Portsmouth to Caen, and the site was 11 miles away, dc 3 and 6. I would love to holiday in France this year, but it's looking expensive during the summer school holidays ..... and the euro's strong.

Agree with ABetadad, hotels and kids clubs another option to at least have some time to yourselves for a while.

It's hard with little kids.Arguably, better for you to pavck em off to school/nursery, take a day off work and go out to the cinema/gym/pool/museum together, followed by a nice lunch and a bit of hows yer father to keep the old boy happy.

moondog - I try and make every week like that. Its crtainly a good alternative to having holidays. Maybe thats why I just do not feel a strong compulsion to go on a holiday.

Same old shit - different location with crappier facilities. Been there, done that & shrunk the hastily purchased, sceamingly expensive & frankly, quite vile souvenir t.shirt.

Giving up self-catering skiing holidays in France as our credit crunch gesture has proved enormously restful. No more arriving at some resort at night and struggling to make up four beds in a sometimes grubby apartment and get to the supermarket to find something everyone will eat, which costs three times what it would cost at home.

I miss the skiing but love not doing all the usual cooking in a kitchen three foot by three foot with useless knives and saucepans.

I plan NOT to go skiing again until we can go without the children and stay in a hotel for an off-peak long weekend a deux.

No YANBU We had a similar experience with dd1 15mths 2yrs ago, drove to Spain 2days. My parents no help at all and before the trip said we could go out together some nights, they would and we could stay in some. Ended up DH and I getting 1 night out together. No lie ins while DPs got up at 10 when dd needed lunch then bed really.
Car impounded in Barcelona and an ant infested room in the motel services in France Last year we went nowhere and this year we are going to Pontins for 4 nights and only 2hr drive away!
Luckily dd2 can sleep anywhere whereas dd1 only slept in her cot (too nosey)
Wish us luck

not unreasonable at all. My dh is pestering to go on holiday and I just don't want to spend all that money not to enjoy myself and to come back exhausted! Best for relaxing is to go to somewhere that's a nice hotel, and that has a kids club, including dinner time club so that you can eat without the dcs. But then you don't get to spend time with them, which is also a bit sad if you work FT and don't generally see them that much really. And it costs a fortune. It's a conundrum.