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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have hated my holiday in France with my children?

168 replies

kiera · 20/04/2009 10:10

dh thinks IABU. we just had a week in Brittany and after a few days I just wanted to come home, even though I had been the one that had organised it:

  • took overnight ferry over thinking would be great idea, ds2 (2) didn't sleep well so got little sleep, would only sleep with us on v narrow beds
  • ds2 then threw up twice in the car when we got off the ferry (sea-sick?)
  • owner of the gite tried to rip us off by demanding a clean gite from top to bottom at the end of the week or we pay her 45 euros to do it herself, plus charging for bed linen and towels if we had not brought our own, and demanded a £200 security deposit cheque before we went - is this common practice in France?!?
  • remote control for the DVD player missing, owner eventually found it and dropped it off - half way through the week - so dh and I could not enjoy films together as planned
  • ds1 aged 5 whining complaining not wanting to walk if we went anywhere other than the beach ie anything he didn't want to do
  • both children refusing to eat the food, even familiar foods, then having tantrums when denied ice-creams as a consequence
  • much planning and cooking of dinner to ensure it was something they would eat only to have it rejected
  • tried to have a meal out but both kids so badly behaved we never did it again - sticking forks in the table, making loads of noise, complaining etc etc, didn't eat the (not cheap) food even though just burger and chips
  • kids rejected me all week in favour of dh who was the 'favoured parent' as he is normally at work
  • no time with dh to myself apart from the 2 hours in front of the telly inbetween them going to bed and us going to bed
  • the worry about the ferry crossing home - 9 hours on the ferry - in case ds2 sick again (was fine thank goodness)

At times I felt like I hated my children and I hated being away and I feel like the Ungrateful Mother/Wife from Hell!!! Dh cannot understand why I am not gloriously happy...

OP posts:
Gateau · 20/04/2009 13:54

Plus I think there'll be lots more entertainment (by that I mean lots of kids running about and playing) to keep our two-year-old DS happy. An apartment can be quite isolating, I think.

frazzledoldbag · 20/04/2009 13:59

I don't think you are BU. I love the idea of a holiday then when I get there find it stressful and exhausting (DC of 7 and 2 and another on the way). As a friend of mine describes it - 'childcare in a warmer climate' - we might spend our money on a few nights away in a very nice hotel this year and not bother with the 'abroad' thing - not sure I can face it with a stroppy 7 and 2 year old and a newborn!!!! Maybe in another few years............

Original poster
kiera · 20/04/2009 14:00

of fiplus4's lovely gite and older dcs who will watch films and eat crepes!

OP posts:
izyboy · 20/04/2009 14:01

Had two reasonable hols in Puglia and Brittany when DS was 18mnths and 2.5. Wouldnt dream of it with DD. He was a pretty laid back chap, even if it was not 'freedom' to explore and eat in intimate restaurants as we would have liked. With DD 18 mnths forget it! Totally different personality. No Way! We will wait another 3 or so years before going abroad again I think.

This year it is 5 nights in a cottage in Wales right on the beach.

I still have the old pavlovian feelings of 'ooh it's holiday time!' But I try to dampen those down so I am not disappointed.

Quattrocento · 20/04/2009 14:10

Ah, welcome to the world of family holidays ... You know YABU really. On the points you've raised:

  • children often don't travel well
  • deposit and cleaning fees ABSOLUTELY NORMAL and the owner was not ripping you off
  • remote control missing is a pain but surely not the difference between a good and bad holiday
  • whining and tantrums are par for the course
  • you need to TRAIN your children in table manners - it is wearying and exhausting but worth it in the end
  • fussy eating at home is a pain but normal
  • rejection issues - now you're being silly
  • no time with DH - well that's the way it is and that's why people go on package holidays with kids clubs.

There is an element of parental torture in every family holiday, I think. Worth it in the end though.

ABetaDad · 20/04/2009 14:13

Lilymaid - LOL at 'importing Cathedral City'

frazzledoldbag - yes a much much better idea.

Quatrocento - yes we do hotels with kids clubs as an essential extra now they are 9 and 7 years old. It stops the 'Mummy I am bored syndrome'.

Morloth · 20/04/2009 14:14

Am so glad I bundled up DS when he was a newborn and continued with our traveling, he is now better at it and more adaptable then I am in many ways.

Self catering is NOT a holiday for mum, it is doing all your normal stuff without your usual comfort zone.

I like to do a cross over holiday now. I like to stay in a villa on a resort/hotel. So there is a small kitchen available for can't be bothered going out days BUT you don't need to cook all the time because there are restuarants and cafes around. DS eats anything but I reckon holidays are not the time for food battles. He eats or he doesn't eat, not my problem, I would probably have let the ice cream rule slide and just called the ice cream lunch.

Kid's clubs are IMO the best sodding invention ever. I used to feel a bit guilty until DS told me that he was bringing one of the nanny's home because she was brilliant and a much better cook than me. He clearly enjoys himself and DH and I get plenty of time to enjoy ourselves - so why not.

themoon66 · 20/04/2009 14:22

I'll always remember DD wailing at the top of her voice in a campanile restaurant in Chalon 'ooooh i just want something to eat that's not been messed around with'

ABetaDad · 20/04/2009 14:22

Morloth - I could have written your post on kids clubs. They really solve so many problems on so many levels.

Gateau · 20/04/2009 14:26

I have never used kids' clubs (DS is only two) and I'm not sure if we ever will. Will just see how holidays go in the future.
But I alwys got the impression kids' cluns were villified on MN. Why's that?

Gateau · 20/04/2009 14:27

I meant kids' CLUBS

squeaver · 20/04/2009 14:30

This is why I never do self-catering on holiday.

What

is

the

point?

Morloth · 20/04/2009 14:32

Who the hell knows Gateau, DS loves it and why wouldn't he? They do all sorts of activities have enthusiastic young girls happy to bounce off walls with 5 year olds - or he can hang around with us who want to be able to read books and um do other things with each other .

He gets enough of family holidays when we are home in Oz.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 20/04/2009 14:33

because why on earth would you not want to spend every single minute of the holiday with your little bundles of joy?

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 20/04/2009 14:33

you might as well just have got a dog.

Gateau · 20/04/2009 14:38

Blimey, glad to see so many people agree that self-catering is NOt a holiday!
Everyone I know goes to villas, gites and idyllic cottages with their LOs. And I'm wondering WHY????! Where's the relaxation? Yeqah, you might have the idyllic setting in the **hole of nowwhere with a swimming pool (all very nice, but so unrelaxing with a toddler!)I wonder do they REALLY enjoy their holiday or just put on a brave face afterwards?

Morloth · 20/04/2009 14:39

Ah but it isn't just about what makes a good holiday for mum & dad is it? DS LIKES those girls with their boundless energy and patience for colouring.

My DS is many wonderful things, but he is not and never has been a bundle of joy.

Dogs are even more sodding hassle then kids.

Gateau · 20/04/2009 14:40

"you might as well just have got a dog."

Please, explain Libra. I'm slow today.

swingsofglory · 20/04/2009 14:42

Keira, you are so not BU. It is a learning experience but I feel your pain.

We took DD away with us to Brittany when she was 14months. It was absolute hell. She had a hideous cold, as did DH. DD couldn't sleep, didn't eat - at home I would have whisked her off to the doctor for reassurance but couldn't cos we were abroad - cue panicked mother (daft I know but that's the way I am). Both DH & DD were off their food. It was extremely difficult to cook anyway in the tiny kitchen in the underequipped gite. I hated it and was longing to come home the whole time. Couldn't complain though as the gite belonged to a family member so the whole thing was a freebie. We all lived and i learnt. Never again.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 20/04/2009 14:43

Gateau I am on your side, I think kids clubs are a great invention that enable both child and parents to have some time off. However you asked why MN was against Kids clubs and I was just stating some of the oft trotted out reasons. Basically there is no way you could possible love your kids if you put them in a kids club during the holiday (and if you work FT AND put your kids in kids club you are going straight to hell).

Guadalupe · 20/04/2009 14:44

I think it's quite hard to have a realxing holiday with a two year old. Well, it is with mine, he doesn't stop for a second.

We are camping for two weeks in the summer and I am having to psych myself up for it!

We are stayng in a barn in June which wll be much more restful. It's enclosed for a start. And the owner will bring you dinner if you ask, which we will, and we'll go out for dinner/get fish and chips etc. I'm not cooking!

Gateau · 20/04/2009 14:46

Oh right, fine.
I didn't say kids' club were a great invention, though. I have never used them as my DS is only two. I would rather not, TBH, as I have always thought we would have fantastic holidays doing everything TOGETHER as a family, which is what I had as a child. But maybe that's just a pipe dream.

ABetaDad · 20/04/2009 14:47

LibrasJustice - I think I am probably going to hell te - but at least I am going to have a few good holidays before then.

OrmIrian · 20/04/2009 14:49

This is the first holiday that I hope will be more restful. DS#1 is 12 and DD is 10 and we are right next to a beach - so the intention is that they will be able to have some independence. DS~2 will still need us around all the time. But it will still be easier.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 20/04/2009 14:53

"we would have fantastic holidays doing everything TOGETHER as a family, which is what I had as a child"

I've always wondered about this (and will obviously find out in the coming years) if during the holidays so enjoyed as children our parents were thinking at any point "no I don't want to play xxxx/go to the beach/hunt for crabs/ for the 100th time would you please just go away for 10 minutes so I can enjoy my G&T in peace"