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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

501 replies

dicksbird · 19/04/2009 15:42

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

OP posts:
Dillydaydreamer · 19/04/2009 22:37

mischief!!

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 22:37

ok ill come back in a couple of years and let you know. my children know i do all the things i do because i love them and protect them.

Dillydaydreamer · 19/04/2009 22:38

Hayley you are smothering them!

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 22:39

ok their freedom in return for yours

Remotew · 19/04/2009 22:40

You need to take the lead from your own child re independence. You should know how mature and sensible they are at what age to allow them to do things unsupervised.

Two 10 year olds can be totally different.

I agree with the OP that she should have been advised of the fact that an adult wouldn't have been in the cinema with them but would be dropping off, picking up. I don't think it was risky but as a parent you should have been able to say well no I don't like that.

I worked in a cinema so DD saw a film with a friend at 8 whilst I was in the building working. A PG is fine for a 9 year old.

MrsSchadenfreude · 19/04/2009 22:40

You are smothering them for your needs, not theirs. If you think this world is so evil, Hayley, and "anything could happen" why did you have children? Do you just enjoy worrying?

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 22:42

think of all those children who went out to play and never came home
molly and jessica
rhys their are loads

Remotew · 19/04/2009 22:44

Perhaps Hayleys 12 year old is very young and immature for his age and that's why she parents the way she does.

FWIW, we have all given our DC's the freedom to, say, go to the shop alone and sat there on pins with our hearts in our mouths ready to set up a search party and of course ringing the mobiles but we let them do it because we love them and know we need to let go a little.

MillyR · 19/04/2009 22:45

But most people who are abducted and murdered are adults. You are never going to be totally safe in society and other adults are far more likely to watch out for and attempt to help your 12 year old than your future 22 year old. You cannot keep them in forever.

MrsSchadenfreude · 19/04/2009 22:46

There are not "loads" Hayley! Out of the millions of children in this country, that's three. OK, so there are more than that. But absolutely not "loads."

Abouteve is right - we all need to let go a little.

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 22:48

i do not need to justify anything
why i had kids
do i enjoy worrying
was i molly coodled
i am protecting my children as i see fit i spend as much time with them as i can and i love spending time with them as they do me, u can not understand that, just as i can not understand why some of u would let your children have the freedom that you give them
at such a young age

timechaser · 19/04/2009 22:48

Hey Hayley, there are loads of kids that don't come back but there are a thousand times more who do. Letting go is the hardest part of being a parent. I wonder if you are on your own, as I know if it was not for my DH I wouldn't let my 13 and 12 year old girls do half of the things they do. The guys don't have the same maternal ties that we have and are often able to convince us girls to let go with rational reasons.

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 22:49

ok mrssch i think youll find that their are loads of children that go missing you are wrong

edam · 19/04/2009 22:51

There are only a very few children who are abducted by strangers, Hayley. That's why it's a huge news story when it happens. If it was a common occurrence, it wouldn't be news!

MillyR · 19/04/2009 22:52

I don't think you need to justify anything Hayley. People bring up children in different ways. It is just that your DS has less freedom than most kids, and it is interesting to know how you have come to be that sort of a family.

Remotew · 19/04/2009 22:52

Those cases and many more were tragic but it's the same with anything in life. If we think there are murderers, terrorists etc around the corner we wouldn't go out, travel on planes, tubes.

I worry myself sick when DD walks home alone from school which is quite a distance and she insists on the scenic route. She's nearly 15 .

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 22:54

the answer to your question timechaser is NO i am not on my own. most of u think i am over protective were as i think their freedom in return for yours. this argument could go on forever i will not change my views just as you will not change yours
did some of you have your kids young so now you think they have grown up u want your freedom back

macdoodle · 19/04/2009 22:54

Hayley are you serious, I dont let my DD1 out by herself so I can go on my jollies!!
I have another child DD2 who is only 16 months so I dont just piss off!
DD1 is nearly 8, her and her friends spent most of the afternoon playing out on our close, they rode their bikes, played, had a picnic, flitted in and out of houses - she knows to tell me if she is going into a house so I know where she is!
And of course I worry, but I dont make MYSELF feel better by smothering her, I trust her, give her independance and accept that everything has a risk attached but she needs to learn how to live HER life not mine!!

Tortington · 19/04/2009 22:56

iwould be totally fine dropping a 9 year old at the cinema and picking them up when the film finished.

i can judge that on

the maturity of my children
the maturity of my children and the way they act with friends
where the cinema is located ( busy roads, next to a pub inner city)

i can't say that others are wrong in their parenting choice.

but i can say i would be fine with it given my children and my circumstances

mumeeee · 19/04/2009 22:58

I think you should have been told about the unsupervised trip. But I would have no problem with 9/10 year olds doing a trip like that. They were dropped off and picked up outside the cinema. They would not have had needed to have mobile phones as if they were in any trouble then they could have spoken to the cinema staff.

edam · 19/04/2009 22:58

why are you so determined to make anyone who allows their child more independence than yours out to be a bad mother?

When I started letting ds play out with his friends I was actually pretty nervous. Did it for HIS benefit, not mine, as I realised that children need to have some freedom. If you've never let them out of your sight, by the time they are 16 they will be completely ill-equipped to deal with the world and actually at far more risk than other children who have a bit more experience and have developed some common sense.

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 22:59

are you sure lots of people have been on here asking me questions about how i parent so thought u lot wouldnt mind a question if we are all been so blunt

Remotew · 19/04/2009 22:59

I had mine at 33 so not that young. I think we all worry when our DC's are gaining independence, I know I do. Funnily enough though I would give her more but she prefers to stick around home atm which is great as I know this won't always be the case so cherish it. She can go but chooses not to.

Going back to the cinema issue. Must admit I'd sat through so many 'bratflicks' that at the first sign of her and her friends becoming responsible enough to sit through a film without me I lept out. Always dropped and picked up. We are in a small town.

SerendipitousHarlot · 19/04/2009 23:00

It's not my freedom I'm interested in hayley, it's theirs. How can you not see that? I want my children to remember their childhood with fondness - the adventures and the laughs they have with their friends... you never have the same quality of fun as when you're growing up, don't you think?

It would be awful for your dc to have missed out on that.

Do you know that the statistics of paedophile abductions haven't really changed much since the 70's? It's purely because the media coverage is so much more now, that's all.

hayley79 · 19/04/2009 23:01

ok you keep telling yourslef that its their freedom