to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

Motherhood is about letting go, you have to start with small freedoms and make it gradual. I don't believe that it is good for the emotional health of the DC to be overprotective.

Depends on the on the child and the level of maturity. Either way, if you voluteer to look after someone else's child, assumptions should not be made and the parent should always be consulted.

Hayley you are being over protective with the 12 year old.She had a friend whose mother alays came on the bus with her to school and picked her up after school. All her friends felt sorry for her and although she didn't let her mother know how much she resented this she did tell her friends that she wished her Mum would stop treating her like a baby. A 12 year old needs some independance.
Milly I would never let a 10 year old camp overnight without adult supervision unless it was in thier own back garden.

i donot go on the bus with my son i said bus stop

Hayley, I am not having a go at your choices, we all worry and have certain things that we are sticklers about.

BUT, the reason children need small doses of independence is so that they don't find the world super scary when they do go out in the world on their own - too scary to be able to function properly.
I believe that sound judgement (weighing up risks) is like a muscle - the more you use it, the better it becomes.

It is very hard though.

I had a conversation last night with DD to ask her if she would have known what to do if there was a fire etc.

She shook her head.

Maybe this is my fault. I have dc's form a previous marriage who are grown up and they would have had or wanted independenv=ce at 9 either but I dont feel I got it wrong with them.

Who knows. Just another example of how we are all different.

I have to say camping overnight aged 10 is though.........

How old is your DD dicksbird - my DD1 is nearly 8 she knows what to do in any eventuality - I am a single parent as was when pregnant with DD2 (DD1 was 6 then) I was worried that something might happen when I was alone in the house just with DD1 !
She knows how and when is appropriate to call 999 and to ask for police/ambulance or fire, she knows her dads and my mobiles off by heart, she knows where and what to do if she gets seperated from me or there is an emergency! She knows which neighbours to go to if needed, how to unlock and get out of the front door, and also other exits of the hosue, she even knows some first aid!
She is aware of stranger danger, or even not so stranger, and I would pity the poor bugger who tried to abduct her, she would scream blue bloody hell and then kick him in the nuts, likewise anyone she knows who tried to touch her inappropriately!!
It really is important that they know how to be independant and be confident, the works can be a scary place but only if you make it so!!
HAyley I take offense that you think I love my children any less, or I do anything I do for MY beneift, no one accused you of that!

At Hayley, you do realise that if you happen to live with a man or have any male relatives visiting, statistically, your child is more likely to come to harm from one of them as opposed to an outsider/stranger, right? Unpleasant thought, but it's true. Most children who are abused and/or killed have this happen in their own homes.

Frankly, I grew up abroad in an extremely protected environment. I couldn't take a walk down my own street 3 doors down and got driven everywhere. I remember reading books like The Famous Five and Secret Seven and being ridiculously envious of the time they got to spend together and with friends without an adult presence. Of course that was fiction but such books make you realise as an overprotected child how much you have left to learn about being able to take care of yourself in unfamiliar circumstances, and you do end up resenting your parents for not giving you that freedom to make and learn from your own mistakes. That might explain why I was so happy to be sent to boarding school at the age of 9 - my own home to me was, funnily enough, much more stifling.

The world is no more dangerous than it was - it's just that misery loves company and corresponding headlines sell more by playing to our (mostly unfounded) fears. I think your friend, by leaving the kids at the cinema and picking them up at the appointed time, acted responsibly. Yes, she should have let you know and that was probably an innocent oversight on her part (that, or your child specifically asked for you to not be informed, something I used to do all the time the few times I was allowed to visit friends' homes). At the end of the day, did your child come to harm? No. One would have hoped that you would come to see this as a new experience your child had learned from and could safely repeat in the future, but I somehow doubt you will let yourself believe that, despite the fact that it's clearly true.

Letting my dd and her two friends go to the cinema alone would have been hugely preferable to sitting through "Bratz the movie" with them which I did!

I would have no problem with my dd being dropped off and picked up as op described but I would have wanted to know they were going. And I would never dream of doing that with someone else's child without telling the parent/s first.
Dd started high school last September. She has to go on the normal service bus and then has a 15 minute walk through town to school. There is no alternative way. I would be very worried if she'd had no experience of independance. In fact I actually spent a few weeks before she started school leaving her unattended at home and sending her on errands alone by bus so she had some experience before she started school. I saw it as making her safer not exposing her to danger. She is 11

asana I wouldnt describe Manchester city centre as an idyliic playground like in the famouse five!!!

My dd has just turned 10 and I wouldnt be happy about her and a friends being alone in the cinema,god forbid some pervert sat next to them in the dark Im not sure they would know what to do.Even some adults would panic in that situation.Just not worth the worry, plus I like the Kind of films they go and see, 17 again was fab !

Im really shocked the other mother didnt tell you about this, I would be furious.

Much better to explain what to do beforehand. I was only 2yrs when a man tried to help my mother, unfortunately he held me and not the pushchair-apparently I said 'Don't you touch me-put me down at once', my poor mother was embarrassed as he was only trying to help! However I think that she was quite impressed, as I was too young for a talk on stranger danger.
I am sure that a 9 or 10 yr old could cope with saying in an assertive tone 'please leave me alone' and then moving seats. They don't need to have a protector to simply watch a film. I went on my own with a friend when I was 11yrs-a man that we weren't happy about sat next to us so we simply moved seats-next to a motherly looking woman.

You always have to remember the risk of alien abduction. Children are always being beamed up into space ships and whisked away to distant planets - I thought everyone knew that. That's why I always wrap mine in tinfoil before they step outside the door - their child-find rays can't detect them if they are wrapped in tinfoil.....

My dd is 10 and no I would not let her go alone with a group of friends to the cinema either in the day or at night. Luckily all of her friend's mums think the same way as me so not a problem I am going to have to worry about for a while.

I do give her small amounts of independence. I send her into the bakery or the local shop to get something while I wait outside. I also let her stay home alone for up to half an hour if I am in the local area but only in the day - never at night.

I think a movie is too long. What if one or more had to go to the toilet half way through and it left one on their own?

what left a 10 year old watching a movie - in the cinema whilst her friends went to the loo

a paedophile would spot her instantly

nad pmsl @ going into the bakery. i hope your live in a city or something - becuase mine were well acquainted will going to shop probably at aged 8

So would an alien.

My main concern is that mine may be gored by a bull.

Oh Lord, Milly - I hadn't thought of that. I will add kevlar vests to the tinfoil.

oh PMSL
You let your 10 yr old go into the bakery by herslef, while you wait outside - you dont do you, really??
Oh FGS my 7 yr old is quite capable of going into a shop and purchasing something by herself while I wait outside and has done for a few years....at 10 I should hope so .....

Yep I do live in a city. A city where a 10 girl was raped and strangled in the toilet at the local library whilst her mother was waiting outside.

I don't think a paedophile is the major concern. I was lucky enought to have one of those in my family as a 10yo so I fully understand a cinema is probably safe and the home can be more dangerous.

The fact is they are children. If they are capable of making sensible decisions and keeping themselves safe they wouldn't need parents. We could send them out to get a job and live alone.

I fail to see what is so funny about sending her into a bakery. She is doing something on her own - interacting with strangers and making decisions.

Christ.

DD went to the cinema with her friends from the age of about 8 (and it wasn't so I could go out on the razz, Hayley79!)

People really do think up weird and strange things that may happen to their children.

What if there was a fire? Well, the children are 9. I am sure that they would leave when the fire bell goes off, not sit there and be burned to a crisp. But if course if they leave the cinema during a fire alarm they may get accosted by all those paedophiles.

I am sorry to be flippant but fgs let them have a bit of independence. They are not going to an underage drinking den, they are going to watch a children's film.

Lol by the way at a poster above who goes to the cinema with her kids but sits 5 rows back or whatever, in order to not cramp her kid's style. So (a) you are watching a crap film that you are probably not interested in in the first place and (b) you are sitting 10 feet away hiding from your own daughter. Jeez.

I fell off a horse and was very badly injured when I was about 8. Does this mean I should not let my dd ride in order to "keep her safe" - and because I "love her too much" to let her run the risk?

No, it's BECAUSE I love her so much that I let her learn about freedom and independence and how to look after herself and judge dangers and assess situations.

But I do make sure she wears the tin foil vest......

I can not believe how over protective some people are, a lot of it depends on the child and what situations they can deal with, how much sense they have etc, but I would have no problem with my ds's going to the cinema without direct supervision, but being taken directly to and from the cinema at aged 9, I have a 3 and a 2 yr old, I live in the middle of no where have a fence around the house garden, and tree area and I am happy for them to run around as much as they like outside whilst I am inside sorting dinner or whatever, the most serious incident was a nettle sting which my older one had, he now tells his little brother off if he goes near them. I may in some people opinion let them have too much freedom but this is what suits me.