to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

where do you live hayley?

Oh Hayley his mates must take the piss out of him something wicked - you cannot protect them from everything forever, you run the very real risk of turning him into a mummys boy incapable of doing anything for himself!

I just find this totally bizarre. My DS is 10 and he goes camping overnight with friends with no adult supervision and has done since the summer of year 5.

Why would you take a mobile to the cinema? You have to switch them off in the cinema anyway.

There was an item on local news the other day about the increase in call outs to mountain rescue because many young adults have been brought up to rely on a mobile phone at the slightest difficulty and have no self sufficiency skills. At the time I thought it seemed implausible but this thread shows there really are kids brought up that way!

I wouldnt like it at all, especially not in a 3, there is always someone left out, what if 1 wanted the loo and another wouldnt go? etc etc
I just don't like the idea, my dd is 10 and we live in a small village and I wouldn't let her. Our nearest cinema is in a multiplex place with restaurants, pubs etc, oh and the unsolved murder of a young man/teen found beheaded ....

QOD

So are you not going to allow your child out when he is a young man in case he gets beheaded??

at Milly letting her ds 10 camping overnight without adults! Unless its in the back garden there is no way I will let dd do that at 10. Depends on the local area though really. I live on a military base so its fairly safe but wouldn't allow it outside the wire.
Same scenario for the cinema, it depends where you live. Vast difference between a multiplex in a nice area to an inner city single cinema in town centre imo.
Hayley you are being far too overprotective imo.
At 12 I let myself in, peeled potatoes for dinner and put roast potatoes in the oven, washed the breakfast dishes before my mum got in from work. Not allowing children any responsibility, not giving trust means that when you do let him out he will exploit the freedom. I am sure he is probably being teased mercilessly about not being able to play out with friends he must feel like the outsider when all the other children talk together at school about things they do outside school.

Millyr, agree completely. My DC go unsupervised camping too and love it. DC1 who is 14 is going hiking and camping with 2 friends for four nights this summer. I'm relaxed about it because they know what to do in an emergency, and because they've learned how to be independent.

I can't believe that there are 12 year olds who aren't allowed out alone. How will our children learn how to function as independent adults if we wrap them in cotton wool and don't allow them to take decisions and deal with challenges?

Hayley-have you not thought how your poor DS appears to his friends? It must be deeply embarrassing for him.

Millyr my dd (girl) isnt likely to be beheaded no. Because I won't let her wander round the muliplex of a big town, which has an unsolved youth murder.
Unreasonable of me I know

There's no way I'd let my ds1, who is 9.5, go to the cinema with his mates alone.
I don't know any parent who would either thank god!
and I would be seriously upset if a parent assumed that was fine without checking with me first.
However it could be my country bumpkin kids are immature. They are useless in big towns and the cinema is a huge multiplex. They just aren't as streetwise as dc who grow up in towns. They're not even very good at crossing roads as the don't do it that often. But even if they were , I still wouldn't... and there's no way I'd let a dd go.

DS1's 11 birthday, I wanted to leave him in the cinema with a few friends and pick them up afterwards. I asked the parents involved, and one of them wasn't comfortable with it, so I went in with them. This is why I asked though, they knew whether it would be fine for their DSs, not me.

In this case, I'd be very annoyed. Mainly because they hadn't checked first, and also because I know my DCs would not be comfortable with it.

same here ingles too, country bumpkin kids, everywhere they go in the village, we know people, its comfortable, town is outside our comfort zone!

i cant understand you all having a relaxed attitude is it all for convience u give ur child freedom in return you get yours? and my son and other children love me very much and do not resent me at all

I'm sure they do love you hayley. That's not what I said.

And this - all for convience u give ur child freedom in return you get yours? - is not true at all.

There are 2 things every mother should give her children - roots, and wings.

and i said they do not resent me

ok not everones choice and letting a child go camping oh my god how do u not lie awake worried sick sorry i dont understand it

Worry about what?

exactly

hayley, they don't resent you now maybe, but they may grow to do so.

And the thing about lying awake worried sick? Of course other mums are worried when they start letting their kids do stuff - but you have to let them. Quite apart from them not being able to find their way in the world, you're denying them of all the great childhood memories they could have for ever.

they do have wonderfull childhood mermories with me we do lots of things together

i love spending all my time with my children they have friends to our house and they go to their friends houses and sleepovers but i know exactly where they are and who with

I have to say Milly I would worry about what they got up to. They could get mixed up with older children, drink, drugs, cigarrettes etc or go wandering late with potential stranger danger. Plenty of children have gone missing and it could be yours.

Hayley children need to have responsibility for self esteem and to grow into effective adults. At 12yo he should be able to play out with friends, go to the park, swimming etc without your supervision. You are showing a lack of trust which does not bode well for the future. Children restricted too much tend to rebel later and imo that will surely happen. He may not resent you now but he sure as hell will when he isn't streetwise at 16.

Hayley - there's a difference between mothering and smothering. I do think that a 12 year old needs some independence. When do you think he will be old enough? What is the magic age for independence? Will you (as someone I know did) go and sit at the next table in Pizza Express when he is 16 and taking his girlfriend out?

To OP - I wouldn't have had a problem, but would have wanted to have been asked.

Mine spent three hours in the park this afternoon on their own. They are 10 and 8.

Hayley I get the impression that you need to be with your children more than they need to be with you.
Memories from childhood should also include a dollop of good fun had with friends with a little bit of harmless miscief that parents don't find out about until you are an adult.
Were you molly coddled as a child?