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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that piercing your baby's ears is wrong wrong wrong?!

196 replies

CrackopentheBaileys · 16/04/2009 20:47

I have a dd 15months, and my il's wont shut up about getting her ears pierced, it's driving me mad!

I think it's just awful, not the look as such but putting them through that needless pain!

Il's continually joke that they will 'take her for a walk to the shops' and wink at eachother..... I know they wont do it but it unnerves me a little tbh. (FWIW, my philosiphy is that when she is old enough to really want it done, and ask for it to be done, I will let her have them)

It's double standards to the extreme, getting all upset when they have their injections, nearly bloody crying and making a big fuss. Then popping them into town to have metal rods rammed through their ears!

I just don't get it!

OP posts:
macaco · 17/04/2009 14:14

Oh really, "it looks grotesque on little girls" that is a subjective matter of opinion. I think little girls/young teenagers wearing "pornstar" t shirts or showing half their arse crack looks worse. You don't like it, don't do it but child abuse? purleeease. Get over yourselves. That belittles what really is child abuse.
This thread is winding me up. I think I might retire for a camomile tea.

MrsDanversAteMyIpod · 17/04/2009 14:30

you don't tend to see many toddler/baby girls with pornstar t-shirts and bum-cleavage, more teenagers who want to dress that way..

babies don't ask for or want bits of metal forced into their ears for their parents' gratification.

valleysprincess · 17/04/2009 14:44

Can you get her little stickers to put on her ears. Maybe that will pacify her

pispirispis · 17/04/2009 15:00

Rockinsockbunnies you're right, it's not a socio-economic thing here, they're all quite well-to-do round here where I live and so pearls are very much the thing.

Lol valleysprincess do you mean the OP should use stickers on her baby's ears when she goes round to the ILs? Not a bad idea! I should have done that instead, maybe...

I hate the whole using language like "forcing/shoving metal bars in your babies' ears" thing for dramatic effect. Pisses me off. Like macaco I'm off for a cuppa and more important things to do...

Thunderduck · 17/04/2009 15:03

Well it is forcing metal bars or studs into their ears. It's the reality of it, it's hardly hyperbole.

pispirispis · 17/04/2009 15:06

I know Thunderduck, I know what the reality of it is and don't need it reworded for me for dramatic effect IYSWIM. Anyway, cuppa...

MrsDanversAteMyIpod · 17/04/2009 15:09

It's not for dramatic effect, we're discussing the facts aren't we?

Thunderduck · 17/04/2009 15:10

I don't see how it's done for dramatic effect either.

itwasntme · 17/04/2009 15:15

God, I live in Spain too, and have not felt the need to pierce my daughter's (age 5) ears, despite the fact that all her friends have them done and the fact that she is a total princess. I just tell her it'll hurt and she can wait until she's older. It's just not an issue.

And I HAVE seen many cases here of little girls with infections in their ears due to earrings, or girls who've ripped their ear lobes by getting their earrings caught on toys. The mothers laugh it off, let the ears heal, then stick the dangly earrings back in.

I quietly shake my head to myself and say nothing

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 15:43

It is selfish, though, isn't it? It doesn't give the baby any pleasure. It hurts. And it's because you think it makes her nicer to look at, for you. I don't see any comments here that refute that basic argument.

Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 17/04/2009 16:25

Valley princess, my mil brought her earrings for her 1st christmas (she was nearly 1) and I was about to get all angry with her until she pointed out that they were magnetic. Oh how hilarious. She didn't want her to have them, just wanted to see my reactio

OP posts:
valleysprincess · 17/04/2009 17:18

pispirispis: yes I meant little stickers. Not the magnetic ones.

chegirl · 17/04/2009 21:23

This has bought back some unpleasant memories.

When DS2 was teeny his birth mum still had PR even though he had never lived with her. She had lots of supervised contact with him. She used to tell me she was going to get his ears pierced and I couldnt do nufing about it. This was true as technically I had no say in the matter. I was just going to take them out because I didnt have to look after the bloody things.

It probably sounds silly but I found the whole thing pretty stressful. I couldnt bear the thought of him being hurt because this stupid woman wanted to dress up her dolly. She was obviously trying to prove she had the upper hand.

Luckily it didnt come to anything. She used to say she was going to put fake tan on him as well and she never got round to doing that either. I think she changed her mind about the ear piercing when she realised she would have to pay for it .

I know I sound like a cow but you had to be there.

KittyBigglesworth · 17/04/2009 21:40

YANBU. I'd be very unhappy if anyone pierced my child's ears without my persmission, ILs or otherwise.

KittyBigglesworth · 17/04/2009 21:41

permission even.

juneybean · 17/04/2009 21:43

Ouu no I don't like it!

BunnyLebowski · 17/04/2009 21:47

It's utterly wrong. I cannot comprehend how any mother can willingly subject their lo to that kind of pain just because they think it looks nice or is the done thing.

Macaco - I'd far rather be deemed the "weird foreigner" than to mutilate my baby just to conform to an outdated, UGLY social ritual.

ourlot · 17/04/2009 21:51

It's a cultural thing. If it's not your culture, don't do it. Tell inlaws if you seriously think they'd do something you disagreed with so much you'll not be able to leave her with them. They might just be trying to wind you up so you could say it in half joke, veiled threat type way.

hatesponge · 17/04/2009 22:51

How sad to suggest this is all a matter of class, as though it is only the stupid working class or culturally 'backward' who would pierce their young children's ears

As I said much earlier in this thread, if I had a DD, I would have had her ears pierced as a baby. My DS has his ear pierced. Whilst it might suit people to say this is common, and to therefore infer thats what I am, this would be quite far of the mark.

to return to the op, rather than continuing a general debate over the evils of ear piercing, the real issue isnt whats right or wrong about that but family members thinking they can overrule parents decisions - ultimately if as a parent you decide X, then thats the end of it, and just because your family consider Y should be done instead, well thats tough - they have already made their choices with their own children!

makes me glad I dont have ILs any more... well not that I speak to anyway!

BunnyLebowski · 17/04/2009 22:54

Don't want to start a bun fight hatesponge but can I just ask...

Why would you definitely have had your dd's ears pierced if you'd had one? I'm curious.

Ninkynork · 17/04/2009 22:56

Has anyone mentioned / linked the ancient thread about the MIL piercing a DD's ears with blunt studs and the DH more or less condoning it? I was new to MN then and was very

BunnyLebowski · 17/04/2009 22:59

WHAAAAAT ninky?? That's appalling

I would have done the same to him and then her (in that order) with a rusty nail.

frumby · 17/04/2009 23:01

hatesponge ;Do you mean what I said? I hope not as it's not what I meant. It is some people's culture to pierce and in the same way it's not acceptable to knock someone's religion, knocking their culture isn't on is it?

macaco · 18/04/2009 08:50

All I'm saying is to you lot in the UK it's chavy and if I saw it in the UK it would seem odd but it is not chavy in many other parts of the world, it is the norm. For instnace not all Spaniards are chavs but EVERY SINGLE Spanish baby girl has them done.

I don't actually think it hurts for more than a minute and I don't think it's barbaric or child abuse or on a par with female circumcision. I can think of worse things parents do than pierce their children's ears.

If you think it's awful and barbaric, well OK, don't pierce your child's ears but I'm sick of this, "it's common" argument when in so many places outside the UK it isn't.

The point is the OP's PILs want to do it without her permission, which is clearly outrageous as it's not their decision to make. Whether it's ok or not to pierce a child's ears I think is another question.

fulltimeworkingmum · 18/04/2009 22:29

Macaco -whatever that means- of course my opinion is subjective - check out your nearest dictionary..........it is purely MY opinion... but one shared by a lot of other people on this thread, evidently!