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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that piercing your baby's ears is wrong wrong wrong?!

196 replies

CrackopentheBaileys · 16/04/2009 20:47

I have a dd 15months, and my il's wont shut up about getting her ears pierced, it's driving me mad!

I think it's just awful, not the look as such but putting them through that needless pain!

Il's continually joke that they will 'take her for a walk to the shops' and wink at eachother..... I know they wont do it but it unnerves me a little tbh. (FWIW, my philosiphy is that when she is old enough to really want it done, and ask for it to be done, I will let her have them)

It's double standards to the extreme, getting all upset when they have their injections, nearly bloody crying and making a big fuss. Then popping them into town to have metal rods rammed through their ears!

I just don't get it!

OP posts:
supergluebum · 16/04/2009 21:53

FWIW when I got my ears pierced, they made their mark (at a hairdressers), did the first one, then when they did the second I flinched so they are very slightly uneven!!!

fruitbeard · 16/04/2009 21:58

Hideous. Tacky, cruel, stupid and bordering on child abuse.

Babies come into this world perfect, wtf makes people think 'ooh, they'd look sooo much better with two gobs of metal in their ears'?

Why not go the whole hog and get them some nice tattoos?

choufleur · 16/04/2009 22:00

Horrible and totally unneccesary. In what other circumstances would it be ok to inflict such pain on a small child?

Nevermind that it just looks horrible on small kids (IMO).

there should be a minimum age for piercings, of any kind. Think there probably is for other piercings, maybe parents who have their small children's ears pierced should consider belly button piercing as well as soon as the umbilical cord has fallen off

LissyGlitter · 16/04/2009 22:01

It is horrible. I went through all that pregnancy and childbirth to make my perfect baby girl, why would I then stick holes in her? TBH I'll be a bit annoyed if she has any piercings or tattoos, as she is so beautiful without, but if she wants them when she is an adult then I suppose it's her choice. Then again, I have vowed I'm not letting my little girl ever get pregnant either as I don't want her to go through it all, so I may have to back down a little bit when she gets older!

YanknCock · 16/04/2009 22:06

Think it's awful. Mine were pierced at 7 because I asked for it, and I knew it was going to hurt. Can't imagine inflicting that on an unsuspecting baby.

pingviner · 16/04/2009 22:07

Ive seen toddlers in A&E with ripped lobes, infections, lost backs, lots of painful sequelae from peircings and thats not even going into the pain of the piercing.
I think once a child is old enough responsible enough to rationalise the pain and look after a piercing its ok but at such an early stage it seems unneccesary

Human body seems to come with an adequate number of orifices as it is, IMHO

TrillianAstra · 16/04/2009 22:10

I wouldn't get a child's ears pierced until they were old enough to ask. Possibly not straight away when they did ask, but definitely wait til they ask for it. Not because of the pain, or because it looks 'chavvy', but because it's a permanent change to thier bodies and I think they should be in charge of it.

I was made to wait until I was 13. I'm neither scarred by this or pleased with it. It's just the way things are.

My mum had hers done when she was a toddler. This would be the 60s. Don't know why especially.

Does anyone else feel that empty ears look horrible? Unpierced, fine, but I really don't like the way mine look with a hole but nothing in it. Maybe that's just me being weird.

CarmenSanDiego · 16/04/2009 22:20

YANBU. Their body, their choice. I fail to understand anyone inflicting pain on a baby for something trivial like this. If a child wants their ears done and is sensible and mature enough to understand it will hurt, then that's another matter.

I had a similar experience with my earrings getting embedded as a child and had to have a doctor remove them. I've stayed away from anything with butterfly clips ever since, although I blame my family for not really helping me to look after my newly pierced ears. I think looking after earrings in a baby would be a nightmare and they seem like a scratching/choking hazard to me.

Your PIL are being very unreasonable to joke about going behind your back.

minxofmancunia · 16/04/2009 22:28

YANBU, it's really really horrible and I find it v upsetting.

exactly the same thing happened to me in Claires 2 weeks ago Hulababy. A beautiful little girl about 18 month sitting there expectantly obviously thining she was getting a treat then bang and her Mums and her mates all clapping and her little smile broke down and she started crying and looking so bewildered. It really really upset me I had to leave the shop, I couldn't believe they would do it to such a young child, well a baby.

It's nasty and offensive and it should be illegal, brings tears to my eyes thinking about it now.

Dd is 2.7 now she can have them done when she's 13 (if she wanyts)same as I did, it's non negotiable.

jellybeans · 16/04/2009 22:28

YANBU it looks awful IMO.

piscesmoon · 16/04/2009 22:30

I think it is horrible-much better to wait until they are teenagers and choose to have it done.

accordiongirl · 16/04/2009 22:36

I don't have a problem with it.

mrsboogie · 16/04/2009 22:42

Yabu. It is yuk and is a form of mutilation. I would allow it if the child was old enough to ask for it and understood what they were doing.

My sister has just paid £800 to have her ears fixed where the piercing holes got pulled into two long slits when she was young. Must happen a lot with kids...

mrsboogie · 16/04/2009 22:43

I mean Yanbu

pispirispis · 16/04/2009 22:47

I live in Spain and I went to get my 11mo dd's ears pierced recently. There's no way I would have done this if I were living in the UK, mainly as I don't see the point. My reasons? All her little friends have them and I think it's important for her to be like all the other little girls, especially since we live in the more traditional southern Spain where you can really feel like an outsider as a foreigner even if you've lived here for years. She'll be different enough from everyone else, what with her foreign parents and her "exotic" name.

I don't want her coming home from school when she's 3 asking why she doesn't have them, or even telling me someone made fun of her because of it. A 3 year old's ears would be much more difficult to care for and she would remember the pain so much more. I was also sick sick sick of hearing "what a lovely little boy" all the time, even when she was in a pink dress! That's not a reason to get your child's ears pierced, but it is nice now that everyone says "what a lovely girl!" at last.

She cried when we got them done, just like when she gets her injections, and it was horrible, but a few mintues later she was pointing at dogs and kids in the park as we walked home. They healed really well and very quickly, she never fiddles with them and they pose no problem at all. They're so tiny you don't really notice them. I've never heard of anyone here having problems, and they mostly leave the hospital with their baby girl's ears pierced. A friend of mine here told me her newborn baby didn't even cry when they did it, and that the pediatrician told her a newborn baby has hardly any cartilage in their ears, so that's why it seems not to hurt, and also that it heals much quicker than in adults.

Of course when I got home from piercing my dd's ears, I read that thread some people have already referred to and burst into tears and called my mum, saying I felt like a shit mum and was going to take them out in the morning. She said don't be silly.

So, after reading this and the other thread, I now know that when I go home to Ireland and wheel my dd around in her pram, a lot of people are going to be thinking I'm a chavvy, cruel, child-abusing, selfish mum. Hey ho. I don't regret my decision at all.

This is really long, sorry! I'm not trying to start an argument about piercing, just recounting my experience, and although most of you won't think much of it, I don't care. OP, what your PIL are doing sounds really annoying - I would have a serious word!

wotulookinat · 16/04/2009 22:52

Yanbu

MANATEEequineOHARA · 16/04/2009 22:55

Ugh it is horrible, it is the parents/parent acting like the child's body is their's to do what they like with. WRONG.

FatFree · 17/04/2009 01:21

Well i'm 40 and my ears are still intact . My middle daughter wanted hers done when she was 10 and has taken very good care of them. Her 11 yr sister is like me and wouldnt get it done if you paid her!

I work in a baby shop and i must admit i dont like to see newborns with earings and cant believe in some countries they are pierced as soon as they come out of the womb!! Bloody hell

I fully believe in giving your kids the choice whether to pierce or not when they are old enough to take responsibility for them, and not just getting it done so that everyone knows your baby is a girl!

mamadiva · 17/04/2009 01:48

My mum got my little sisters ears pierced just after their 2nd birthday, I was not happy with her but I guess they are her kids.

It's not that it looks chavvy or anything like that TBH I think tiny studs are kind ofcute but I just don't get why you would put a little kid through that without reason!

I told my mum this and she pointed out that me and my brother had our ears done around the same age, that is not true I remember having one ear done and it being agony so refusing to get the other one done and my brother wanted his done when he was 4.

I think it should be a case of when and if they want them done and know it will hurt.

ninedragons · 17/04/2009 03:45

It's vile.

But I'd be more concerned about the wink-wink-nudge-nudge hints that they intend to undermine you.

I would be making it VERY clear that the subject is closed and they are not to bring it up ever again, even in jest. What are you going to do when your DD is six, wants her ears pierced, you still think she's too young and your ILs are telling her that they agree with her and Mummy is so mean? Nip it in the bud now.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/04/2009 08:25

why do your inlaws want it done so much?

what does your dh/dp think?

CrackopentheBaileys · 17/04/2009 08:36

my dh agrees with me on this one, he is a ig softy and can't see her in any pain.

They all had their kids ears pierced by the time they were one, and there's lots of kids!
So to them, it's completely normal. But not to me it isn't!
They are a pretty laughy jokey family, so I can take the 'we'll take her for a walk' comments, but sometimes they do overstep the mark. MIL has said a couple of really out of order things before, but did shove her foot in mouth and apologise after....... didn't rally help tbh, they have stuck with me

I trust them to an extent, but a little piece of me does wonder if they would take her off and mutilate her pretty little ears?

OP posts:
CrackopentheBaileys · 17/04/2009 08:44

big softy

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 17/04/2009 08:47

then i think you and dh need to sit with ils and make it VERY clear that NEITHER of you want your dd ears pierced and that ils must NEVER do it

that as and when, if ever, your dd wants it done,then you as mummy will take her

mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 17/04/2009 08:51

well to be the voice of dissent, mine were done when I was 6 months old and thats old for my culture. That said 'all' little girls in Sri lanka have their ears pierced pretty much from birth and nothing is thought of it. They all have tiny tiny earings made for babies with special backs to them so that they dont fall off or anything. Its simply traditional.
Our dd's ears have not been done because she can do it when she is older thats up to her.

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