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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that piercing your baby's ears is wrong wrong wrong?!

196 replies

CrackopentheBaileys · 16/04/2009 20:47

I have a dd 15months, and my il's wont shut up about getting her ears pierced, it's driving me mad!

I think it's just awful, not the look as such but putting them through that needless pain!

Il's continually joke that they will 'take her for a walk to the shops' and wink at eachother..... I know they wont do it but it unnerves me a little tbh. (FWIW, my philosiphy is that when she is old enough to really want it done, and ask for it to be done, I will let her have them)

It's double standards to the extreme, getting all upset when they have their injections, nearly bloody crying and making a big fuss. Then popping them into town to have metal rods rammed through their ears!

I just don't get it!

OP posts:
everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 12:36

fackin' sky TV and foreign holidays......bring back the birch...chunter chunter [grin[

Gorionine · 17/04/2009 12:36

I thought the thread was about what op wanted VS what her PILs think she should do. Not about labelling people as morons because they have a different way of doing things .

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 12:38

"a different way of doing things?"

Shoving bolts through a baby's ears because it's your "personal preference"?

yeah, and Fred and Rose West had an "innovative approach to childrearing"

SparklyGothKat · 17/04/2009 12:38

I saw my cousin's baby the other day, haven't seen her for about 6 months, and she had 2 studs in her ears, I was like and my girls were like 'mummy she has her ears pierced!!!' Now Dd1 is 8 and had her ears pierced at 6, and Dd2 is 7 and doesn't have hers done as she doesn't want them pierced, its my children's choice, Dd1 rarely wears earrings now, luckily she is like me and the holes don't heal up..

Gorionine · 17/04/2009 12:41

EverGreen You compare parents who choose their Dcs to have their ears pierced to the Fred and Rosemary West? Really?

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 12:43

No, I compare the silly euphemism "a different way of doing things" - for papering over a really nasty thing to do to a baby - with a slightly stronger silly euphemism for something revolting. It's equally ridiculous.

vonny67 · 17/04/2009 12:47

I think calling it child abuse is a bit, well no, very extreme. Here in Spain, they routinely pierce babies ears as newborns. I think it looks nice. They're just earrings/studs. For the record, my daughter is 8, and has been asking to have her ears pierced for a while now. Convo usually goes like this, DD "Mummy I want to get my ears pierced. Will it hurt?"
ME: Of course it will hurt, they'll be putting a hole in your ears!"
DD: Ok, I'll wait til I'm a bit older!"

Gorionine · 17/04/2009 12:48

You are quite open minded then EverGeen? You are way out of line!

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 12:49

"way out of line", what the hell does that mean?

I think inserting bits of metal into little children is stupid and selfish, yes. Open-minded? Yes, I think so, but not to the degree that my brain has started to dribble out...

ShowOfHands · 17/04/2009 12:52

vonny, I hear and read people say 'they routinely pierce babies' ears as newborns in Spain' all the time. Well, yes, clearly. But why? Why is it done? Or, why isn't it stopped to look at it another way? Acknowledging that they do it routinely in Spain doesn't address the key issue of whether it's an appropriate or fair thing to do to an unwitting and trusting baby/toddler.

MrsArchieTheInventor · 17/04/2009 12:54

It seems a bit unnecessarily cruel to pierce a baby's ears but in some ways it's no different to circumcision. It's not something I'd choose to do with my DD though. She can choose for herself when she's older. I was 10 when I had mine pierced for the first time and I think that's a decent enough age to be able to decide for yourself to put holes in your ears.

Thunderduck · 17/04/2009 12:56

It is cruel, but I think circumcision is even worse. However we had a huge thread on that recently so perhaps no need to go there again.

CrushWithEyeliner · 17/04/2009 13:00

It is a disgusting thing to do to a baby and looks vile.

It can also deform and infect the ear which may not look very "pretty" at all.

vonny67 · 17/04/2009 13:02

ShowOfHands, I mentioned Spain because it was something I noticed not long after moving here. I think it's done because people think it looks pretty. My daughter is the only girl in her class that doesn't have her ears pierced. I really don't see a problem with it, and I STILL think calling it "child abuse" is extreme, and almost trivialises the very real problem of child abuse.

JemL · 17/04/2009 13:05

Lots of people are saying that when their dd's are old enough to ask to have it done, they would permit it, but have an issue with piercing a baby's easrs - well, I had my ears piereced when I was 1. Healed well, no problems. When I was eight, I asked for a second hole for my birthday - this time, being older, I fiddled, and scratched them and ended up with a horrible infection (ear swelled up and went purple - bleaughr!) So, while I see the point that older children are making their own choice, this doesn't necessarily mean that it is any more appropriate, or any less risky, health wise.

Personally I don't hae a problem with it.

JemL · 17/04/2009 13:07

Meant to add, the the OP, YANBU. It is your choice, and the whole thing of in-laws joking about doing would drive me absolutely mad.

Simplysally · 17/04/2009 13:09

My dd wants her ears pierced - I've said not at the moment. I always wanted mine pierced and at one stage, a friend of my Mum was going to organise it for me "as she'll only go and have them done anyway" . Anyway, nothing happened as I knew it wouldn't and now I am still unpierced at the age of 37. I have toyed with the idea of having mine done at the same time as dd though.

standanddeliver · 17/04/2009 13:11

In some countries it's traditional to cut off the labia of baby girls. Is that alright too, as long as it's done hygenically?

pispirispis · 17/04/2009 13:11

Oh god, well, if I was a baby and someone asked me which would I prefer if I had to choose, to get either pierced ears or a circumcision, I know which one I'd choose!

I do understand a lot of the arguments presented here, like a child should have a choice in the matter and so on, but some opinions are very OTT imo! Cruel, abusive, like genital mutilation!!! It's only a couple of earrings, fgs! Yes my dd cried but she was soo over it literally 5 minutes later and was pointing at dogs in the park. It's not something I would have done at all in Ireland, but I decided it was worth it for her to fit in. Baaaa and everything, but I think it's important. And it was not the end of the bloody world!

That does not mean I agree with the reasons why they do it here in Spain. Well basically it's because everyone else does it, it's tradition, because they they think it looks pretty, and I hear old people saying "so they'll know whether they are a boy or a girl" (fgs).

My dd is currently dancing to the noise of the washing machine after having eaten a lovely home cooked meal and now we're going to the park. She so does not look traumatised about her ears.

Thunderduck · 17/04/2009 13:12

Yes there are worse things one could do to a baby, but it still doesn't make it right.

vonny67 · 17/04/2009 13:17

standanddeliver, I can't believe you put earpiercing on a par with female circumcision.....

Thunderduck · 17/04/2009 13:18

I think she's just saying that culture isn't an excuse for everything, that some things are wrong even if they are traditional.

RockinSockBunnies · 17/04/2009 13:24

I'm not quite sure I'd compare ear-piercing to female circumcision....

Essentially, though, this whole debate, in the UK at least, is a class issue. Middle classes and upper classes generally would never sanction ear-piercing on a baby or toddler.

On council estates, however, ear-piercing and gold jewellery is the norm (with some exceptions, obviously).

In other countries, Spain for example, ear-piercing has nothing to do with socio-economic background and is all about culture.

Thus, I would never allow a son of mine to have his ear pierced (thankfully I only have a DD so the issue has not arisen). DD is eight and I hope to keep her ears unpierced for as long as possible!

fulltimeworkingmum · 17/04/2009 13:37

I spent 2 years living in southern Spain - we went when my daughter was 6 months old and all the locals thought she was a boy because she did not have her ears pierced. It is traditional thereand obviously part of the culture but I still think it is totally wrong. Most of these little girls are taken to the jewellers straight from the maternity ward. It should be a choice not an infliction.
It looks grotesque on tiny little girls.

macaco · 17/04/2009 14:08

There are 2 issues here.

I think if the OP doesn't approve then her PILs would be waaay out of order doing it behind her back.

However, I DON'T think it's cruel or child abuse and I think anyone who screams child abuse is really over reacting. It is NOT the same as female circumcision. It may have "chav" connotations in Britain but it does not in many other places in the world.

The risk of infection is very low if done by a reputable pharmacist/doctor type person and I've never heard of a baby pulling theirs out.

I should point out here that I have a DS. I haven't pierced my child's ears and I'm not sure that I would if I had a girl. I might I might not. But I appreciate the argument that here in Spain it can be hard being the weird foreigner with a funny name and non Spanish parents and being the only little girl you've ever come across without earrings maybe makes you stand out more. As I don't consider it child abuse or chavy under those circumstances I might well do as everyone else and have them pierced.

Oh and I think a smack hurts as much if not more. And yes, vaccinations are necessary and piercing is not, I realise that, I was comparing levels of pain.

But that's nothing to do with the OP's question. If she doesn't want it done then that's her choice.