Are people always fat because something is missing in their life?

[Pinkjenny]

My mum is (once again) driving me mad. I have made a decision about my weight, and was discussing it with her just then on the phone. She said,"Why are you so greedy, is there something missing in your life? Are you unhappy?"

Now, this is a veiled dig about dh, who she doesn't like, and whom she believes makes me unhappy (he doesn't, but I'm past trying to convince her of this). I said, "Well, I've been yo-yoing for the past 12 years, are you saying I've been unhappy for 12 years?", and she said, "Well, have you?" I ended the conversation quickly after that.

FGS. I am fat because I overeat, mainly due to boredom, but she thinks that everything that ever bothers or upsets me is because of dh. Why can't she just support me instead of trying to psychoanalyse me?

AIBU?

I don't actually think anyone was laying into Anna. I do, however, think that Anna knows that her extreme honesty generates a reaction, and as far as I can see, that doesn't really bother her.

It's funny, but since I have been eating whatever rubbish I like and in whatever quantities I have remained a stable heavy weight.

Before that I ate probably 10% of the calories I eat now and was a bit slimmer, but still very overweight.

Laying into Anna? Pack mentality?

If you express a particularly strong opinion on here it is very likely that a lot of people will strongly disagree. Anything wrong with that?

TBH, and I know that it's impolite to bring up other threads, anyone who starts a thread appearing to slag off feminism and then not clarifying what they actually mean deserves a bit of a clobbering.

I agree with Dittany, in the past I have enjoyed Anna's posts, she is very intelligent and can be very astute.
I think on this thread and on a few others recently she has jumped to massive conclusions and made some very hurtful (an wrong) assumptions.

I wouldn't want Anna to feel in anyway hounded, but I am sure she has the self confidence to not be bothered by what we think.

I genuinely wasn't upset by what she said, because as soon as I started that thread, I knew she'd post on it, so I was expecting it from her.

I admire her honesty, but yes, she could upset someone who perhaps isn't used to her blunt approach, or is new to MN.

I'm overweight because I eat loads. yes that's aprtly diue to boredom and the fact that I'm semi housebound a lot but ultimately I am the one who eats and I know that. I also know Dh ahs gained 4 stone since marrying me (luckily that has brought him from severely underweiht to normal- he was 8.5 stone when we met) and I have a ds1 with suspected asd and different allergies and I am through with cooking many different meals;
i'll lose the weight when I stop BF< have done before.

Weight isn't an X and Y isue: you have to find the answers for you. Much like you have to find the relationship or style for you. Fore me, when i'm ready WW helps as the group support makes all the difference and a lot of it is about habit breaking which is important.

Try a diary, to work out whats happening and tell your Mum thanks for her input, ypu'll consider it but feel its probably nt the answers for you.