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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are people always fat because something is missing in their life?

158 replies

Pinkjenny · 08/04/2009 15:53

My mum is (once again) driving me mad. I have made a decision about my weight, and was discussing it with her just then on the phone. She said,"Why are you so greedy, is there something missing in your life? Are you unhappy?"

Now, this is a veiled dig about dh, who she doesn't like, and whom she believes makes me unhappy (he doesn't, but I'm past trying to convince her of this). I said, "Well, I've been yo-yoing for the past 12 years, are you saying I've been unhappy for 12 years?", and she said, "Well, have you?" I ended the conversation quickly after that.

FGS. I am fat because I overeat, mainly due to boredom, but she thinks that everything that ever bothers or upsets me is because of dh. Why can't she just support me instead of trying to psychoanalyse me?

AIBU?

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:15

I think a great deal before I post . I'm not a time waster and I don't post where I don't think I have something useful to say. TBVH, the OP's relationship with her DH sounds like a disaster area that she isn't facing up to. But of course, it may be more comfortable to be fat than divorced...

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:18

And LOL at "engage your brain" paolosgirl. All you have written about on this thread is your own problems!

EllieG · 08/04/2009 21:19

I am fat because I have had a baby, and even before that I was fat because I like eating too much. I was thin when I was sad, and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, with my DH and my lovely DD, and I am the fattest I have been too. I am losing weight slowly, but it is hard when food is so very yummy and self-discipline is non-existent

Have I missed something - OP's DH doesn't seem to have done anything wrong does he? My DH is watching the footie at the moment and is fine by me. After all - we're all on MN so we're not exactly spending quality time with our other halves.

Shambolic · 08/04/2009 21:20

I am too fat because I love food and DH and I are both good cooks and frequently have two courses for supper with wine

ie we are a bit greedy... and don't do enough exercise.

Definitely not related to things missing from lives around here - rather it's a symptom of living rather too well...

paolosgirl · 08/04/2009 21:22

Really?? You actually spend time thinking?? In that case, what on earth posssessed you to come up with a comment like "it may be more comfortable to be fat than divorced"? How, exactly, did you think that might help the OP, given, of course that you neither her nor her dh, and have no inside knowledge of what goes on in their marriage other than the comment she made earlier and which you have chosen to leap on, twist and interpret in a most bizarre way?

You see, you are stirring again, and it's just dull. At least vary your posts, be constructive on occasion and even throw in the odd bit of wit - then your comments and the product of your great deal of thinking time might be taken more seriously.

Bonneville · 08/04/2009 21:24

Im fat because I eat at stupid hours because of my work. Sonetimes sit down to pizza or some other rubbish at 1am! Then go straight to bed and it turns straight to fat!

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:24

Insights hurt. But I believe that if people post on MN, they are actually looking for help (the truth). No poster can possibly claim to know exactly what another poster needs. But we can at least try. Maybe you should try - rather than just using someone else's thread to write about your own problems?

Lizzylou · 08/04/2009 21:26

OMG Anna, how many times can MNers say that adding an , does not make the post less bitchy or judgemental?

That is a ridiculous comment, and as usual your empathy is sorely lacking.

You honestly have no idea........

Shambolic · 08/04/2009 21:27

I'm not looking for help when I post.

I'm enjoying being able to voice my range of strident opinions.

And talking about bumsex.

Lizzylou · 08/04/2009 21:27

PK then Anna, why are you posting?

Do you need help?

Lizzylou · 08/04/2009 21:27

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:28

Empathy is not about saying "there there you are right and everyone else is horrible and wrong. Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else's shoes and (perhaps) helping them see their situation from another viewpoint...

paolosgirl · 08/04/2009 21:28

Do you have an insight into their marriage? You mean you DO know them? Oh, my sincere apologies - I thought you were just doing your usual stirring with a great big spoon in a misguided attempt to 'help'.

The problem is you don't try and help, not even in the slightest. Your posts are simply there for effect.

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:29

This is not my thread, so no, I don't need help, I am trying to help the OP.

When I have a problem that I think MNers can help with, I start a thread about it.

EllieG · 08/04/2009 21:29

There's a difference between truth and rudeness. And if you think that saying something will make someone feel worse, then perhaps one should think about how the point can be made in a more positive manner.

noonki · 08/04/2009 21:31

anna - do you speak to people like this in rl? and if so how do they respond?

ShowOfHands · 08/04/2009 21:31

PJ's marriage is not a "disaster area".

She did post looking for info/advice, about her mother.

I do hope PJ doesn't come back to this and feel insulted by your comments Anna.

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:32

No, not for effect, but people do notice them because I do say things that are sometimes unpalatable. But that is usually what people are looking for here (though they don't always know it).

Lizzylou · 08/04/2009 21:33

You really don't come across as helpful or empathetic at all, you come across as rude, patronising and arrogant.

Honestly Anna, recently (this last week or so)even more so.

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:33

I think she needs to think about her marriage - I think she is eating to suffocate the loneliness and boredom of her marriage.

BonsoirAnna · 08/04/2009 21:34

People who are overweight (and there seem to be a lot of them on MN) absolutely LOATHE other people having insights into why they are overweight that they themselves are in denial about.

Lizzylou · 08/04/2009 21:35

Anna, if you read the thread in it's entirety you'd see that the OP said herslef that she had weight problems before her marriage (4 years before she met her DH, I think).

EllieG · 08/04/2009 21:35

Sorry to be rude but - don't you ever stop? You really are running the risk of upsetting the OP, which is not the point of a thread like this.

ItsMargotBeaurEGGarde · 08/04/2009 21:36

I think there are links. I go the other way though. When I feel I'm free falling with no control, I go on a diet, and LOOK fabulous even though my crazy thoughts go round and round and round and round in my head, repetitively night after night. It's happened before. Miserable = thin.

So, yes, I think there is a link between weight and general happiness

TheFallenMadonna · 08/04/2009 21:36

Anna - I thought you were all about negotiation and communication and whatnot. Honest to goodness - you do talk a lot of sense but in the most unhelpful way. You must know it's not just what you say but the way that you say it. Do you want to communicate your ideas, or just say your piece?

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