Are people always fat because something is missing in their life?

[Pinkjenny]

My mum is (once again) driving me mad. I have made a decision about my weight, and was discussing it with her just then on the phone. She said,"Why are you so greedy, is there something missing in your life? Are you unhappy?"

Now, this is a veiled dig about dh, who she doesn't like, and whom she believes makes me unhappy (he doesn't, but I'm past trying to convince her of this). I said, "Well, I've been yo-yoing for the past 12 years, are you saying I've been unhappy for 12 years?", and she said, "Well, have you?" I ended the conversation quickly after that.

FGS. I am fat because I overeat, mainly due to boredom, but she thinks that everything that ever bothers or upsets me is because of dh. Why can't she just support me instead of trying to psychoanalyse me?

AIBU?

ManicMother - thanks for that too!

My mum is a small size 12, but did used to be a size 8. I would never, ever comment on her weight, but God, I feel like it!

Pinkjenny, sounds like you have some lovely friends on here

3.5stone is not loads, at all.

When my Mother was married to my Stepdad she put on loads of weight. She'd always been a beautiful and confident woman with a lovely slim but curvy figure. Ex-Stepdad liked his women ultra thin and sporty, he spent their entire relationship going on about how he fancied this thin woman and that slim woman all the time going on about my Mom's increasing weight. Her self-esteem was in her boots, permanently. She actually didn't leave him for years because she said "I'm so fat no-ne would want me".
Eventually, 2 years ago she did leave him and in the past year has lost almost 3 stone, she still has about 1.5 stone to lose, but is dating and being told she is beautiful.
So your Mom's constant nagging of you is counterproductive. If you want to lose weight then there are lots of threads on here, but do it for you.

Starlight, I don't get this
'I'm fat because I lack time. Time to shop, plan meals, cook proper meals and time to go to the gym.'

The gym fair enough but why do you think being short of time makes you fat in other ways desacribed?

Lizzylou - I am very lucky, I have made friends on MN that will be in my life forever, good times and bad.

I agree that nagging me is counterproductive, and to be honest, it makes me want to eat more, in a rebellious fashion. Not that I need an excuse, mind.

(((((((PJ)))))))

You say you are bored. By definition, boredom means that you are lacking stimulation ie something is missing from your life.

Does your DH bore you? Or does your mother think your DH bores you?

Anna - I was wondering when you'd arrive.

No, my dh doesn't bore me. The football he watches bores me. My job bores me.

My mother thinks that I am unhappy. Not bored.

How much of your life is consumed by your boring job and your DH's boring football? What do you do for fun and stimulation?

Are you really bored at work? Is it just where you are or the field in general? You should retrain. Something that your mother would wholly disapprove of. Psychoanalysis, so you can meet all comments with 'you see Mother, I know exactly why you say that, accompanied by a knowing nod and sympathetic smile.

Seriously, could you look for other work? Do you want to?

I'm stick thin. There is a lot missing in my life, including a mother who gives a shit. We were all thin as children, our meal portions were very sparse and she bought small plates to make it look like the portions were bigger.

As everyone left home, they all put on weight. So my 3 brothers are now overweight and one of my sisters.

But I am the opposite. I don't eat when I get stressed. I can go a whole day not eating, not feeling like eating. I 'forget' to have breakfast or dinner.

So that myth is simply not true at all.

It's a toughie. I work 4 days a week, dd doesn't go to bed until 8.30pm, and dh watches football as much as humanly possible. My dd consumes the rest of my time.

I try to go out with my friends, probably once every couple of months. It's tough, because I used to love shopping on a Saturday pre-dd, that was my main 'fun' activity. I can't really do that any more.

God, I sound sad. I'm not, honestly.

PJ drinks mojitos and wears low cut tops for stimulation.

Nah, only joking.

She reads a lot of Dostoevsky though.

"DH watches football as much as humanly possible."

And he doesn't bore you...? In what way does he provide fun and stimulation in your life?

Barry Manilow aside, you're not sad at all.

You're despondent and drained.

wheni am fat, it is because i have had ababies, and havent had the time yet to lose the weight.
or, i am overeating excessively because there are other stresses in life, and overeating makes me feel better.

SOH - To be fair, things are about to get busier at work, so hopefully that'll get better. I have had to make compromises though, to ensure that I can get home at a reasonable time for dd.

Same as Rhubarb (last 2 paras that is)

PJ, how is your relationship with your mum generally? (apart from her views on your dh obv!)

I must say I've learnt over the years not to discuss certain things with my mum. And there are some things which are definitely not her business anyway.

No Bonsoir - he doesn't bore me, and it's not his responsibility to 'provide' fun and stimulation.

It's my responsibility to stop eating so much.

Mercy - my relationship with my mum is best described as claustrophobic.

Shopping can't keep you happy in any case.Do you have other interests/hobbies PJ?
Why can't you let your dh put your dd to bed and go out to aclass or something at night?

My dh works abroad and I have a babysitter twice a week to go to aerobics/step/the gym. The babysitter costs more than the classes but it goes a long way to keeping me happy and feeling I am doing useful things in spare time. I've also done quilting, computing and wine tasting classes. All great fun.

Moondog - 'why can't dh put dd to bed' is the $64,000 question in our house. Because I won't let him. She would cry for me.

I must start making an effort to do more, though. Hopefully the next couple of weeks will be instrumental in my weight loss journey.

Right, must dash and pick up dd, but will be back later.

People are often fat because they have been harassed about their weight for years and therefore have been on loads of stupid diets, each one of which has fucked up their metabolism a little bit more and made them gain more weight. It's perfectly all right not to be thin, anyway, if you eat reasonably well and are reasonably active, you are going to be reasonably healthy (much more healthy than someone who is forever starving herself and worrying about her body shape and what other people think about it).

How old is she PJ? You really have to leave them to it. She will be fine.

moondog You can open and eat a packet of custard creams whilst you are breastfeeding. You cannot make a healthy low fat salad.

Also, I am usually on the run from a-b as I don't drive and have a toddler and a million groups to go to, so I usually forget to have breakfast (well I remember but somehow the time goes and I am late getting myself into a state getting both kids into the buggy and if I don't get there by a certain time then you don't get in) and so I grab a packet of crips or bar of chocolate at any corner shop I pass.

The evenings I am exhausted and cluster feeding and many days DH cooks. His cooking is interesting but usually very high fat, but how can I complain?

One day I'll have the time to be organised perhaps, but right now I'm just getting through the days.

But I do walk between 3-8 miles a day!