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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by my neighbour?

145 replies

anonupset · 02/04/2009 20:00

Earlier on there was banging on the front door. I went to answer it and a woman from across the road is stood there looking livid. She said "Could you have a word with your son and tell him to keep out of my garden, I'm sick of it, look what he's done to my tree". I looked across and one of her conifer trees is bent right over, turns out he'd been swinging in it.

I had NO IDEA that he was doing this but she seemed to blame me fully. I apologised and said I would punish him but as I have two sons of similar ages which play out, could she tell me which one it was.

She snapped "I don't know their names! the darker one, the one that looks like a rat"

A lump came in my throat as she said it and I felt my eyes water. I know I'm such a wimp and she was livid and probably didn't mean it but it has really upset me I understand why she was angry but AIBU to think this was uncalled for?

OP posts:
Original poster
anonupset · 02/04/2009 20:13

Anyone?

OP posts:
southeastastra · 02/04/2009 20:14

i think i would have swung for her (and i'm not the violent type) sod her tree

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 20:14

YANBU. He certainly shouldn't be playing in her garden and I can understand being angry, but to say he looks like a rat is just being spiteful and hurtful.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/04/2009 20:15

How old are the trees, and how old your children? Have they done this repeatedly, or just a one-off?

It wasn't nice of her to say your DC looks like a rat, but I can understand why she was so cross.

RaspberryBlower · 02/04/2009 20:15

Yanbu to feel upset by her comment.

That is horrible and I hope she has gone home and thought about it and felt ashamed.

dareidream · 02/04/2009 20:15

That is a horrible horrible thing for her to have said I would have been gutted.

However she has a right to be angry if your son has been in her garden messing about. How old is he? If he is old enough to go out on his own then surely he is old enough to know better, and he should apologise to her.

Still saying your son looks like a rat is not good at all and I am not surprised you got teary over it.

IheartNY · 02/04/2009 20:16

Thats shockingly rude. I hope she saw that it upset you and is now sat at home feeling bad about being such a bitch!

herbietea · 02/04/2009 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
anonupset · 02/04/2009 20:20

DS is 11.

She did say he wasn't the only one doing it but apparantly he's always "there" and he laughed at her when she told him off. Her garden is not well kept at all though, there is rubbish all over, half chopped bushes etc so DS just assumed she wouldn't be bothered. Still no excuse I know.

OP posts:
SoupDreggon · 02/04/2009 20:20

She was angry because your son had destroyed one of her trees.

She was unlikely to say "the gorgeous one that looks like a young Johnny Depp" was she?

Original poster
anonupset · 02/04/2009 20:22

But he doesn't look like a rat and what has his appearance got to do with it.

Imagine if DS said to me "what neighbour?" and I said "the sour faced witch from across the road?" etc. It's just rude and uncalled for.

OP posts:
oregonianabroad · 02/04/2009 20:22

What a bitch.

I'd leave a note apologising for the tree, offering to pay if necessary, and then ask for an apology for the 'rat' comment, as it was hurtful and rude.

smellen · 02/04/2009 20:22

YANBU. She sounds like a horrible person. Clearly she has a right to be angry if her property has been damaged, but to start making personal comments about a child is way out of order.

Lazycow · 02/04/2009 20:23

I'd have been tempted to say

'I'll make sure to tell him it was the neighbour who looks like a dried old prune/sack of potatoes (whichever description worked) so he will be sure to know which garden to stay out of'

but then I might have just made a bad situation worse do you think?

AliGrylls · 02/04/2009 20:23

It is ludicrously rude. What is weird though is that if it was causing her such a problem why would she have not said something to them herself first. She sounds like one of those people with an anger management problem.

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/04/2009 20:23

SD that's not really the point though is it? She's an adult. How dare she be so rude?

southeastastra · 02/04/2009 20:24

if my neighbour had said that about my son i don't think i'd care less about making the situation worse.

and i'd swing off her tree too

cory · 02/04/2009 20:41

She was incredibly rude.

Though I have to say if I found out my 11-year-old had been entering a neighbour's garden uninvited and swinging from their tree I would be too busy strangling said 11-year-old to hear any comments made after that. And laughing at the owner of the property when she told him off- that is really awful. It's the sort of thing that gives all young boys a bad name.

cory · 02/04/2009 20:42

AliGrylls on Thu 02-Apr-09 20:23:43
"It is ludicrously rude. What is weird though is that if it was causing her such a problem why would she have not said something to them herself first."

according to the OP, she said she did tell him off and he laughed at her. How would you react in a situation like that?

valleysprincess · 02/04/2009 20:52

YANBU. That's really horrible. I am so sorry OP

SoupDreggon · 02/04/2009 20:52

Yes, I think it is the point. If some little sh*t had been swinging on one of my trees, broken it and then laughed at me when I told him off, I would be rather less then complimentary when telling his mother. I may have referred to his ASBO potential rather than his looks though.

AliGrylls · 02/04/2009 20:55

Oops - maybe I missed that bit. Still to tell someone that their beloved offspring looks like a rat is really rude regardless. Wouldn't you agree? And also to fly off the handle completely. After all she was not the one swinging on the tree.

StealthPolarBear · 02/04/2009 20:55

what a horrible thing for her to say - going for maximum hurt value (and succeeding ) Nothing to do with fact

chegirl · 02/04/2009 20:55

I would be cross if a child was treating my garden in this way. It doesn NOT however warrant such a vile, rude comment about a child.

Unfortunately there are far too many adults who seem incapable of behaving in an adult manner.

Forget what she said. Anyone who so mean minded as to talk of a child in that way is sad and bitter.

Feel sorry for her, pity her - the old shrew.

And give your boy a clip round the ear for being such a little bugger and causing this aggro

knockedgymnast · 02/04/2009 20:57

Seems to me that if she had been asked description of any child trespassing, she would have referred to them as 'the rat'. Not a very nice thing to say but then she is worked up.

I think the situation could have been handled differently. She told your son off, he laughed at her, she probably told him off some more, he laughed at her. She came storming around to you and vented her frustrations out on you.

She was totally uncalled for but keep your child out of her garden.