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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by my neighbour?

145 replies

anonupset · 02/04/2009 20:00

Earlier on there was banging on the front door. I went to answer it and a woman from across the road is stood there looking livid. She said "Could you have a word with your son and tell him to keep out of my garden, I'm sick of it, look what he's done to my tree". I looked across and one of her conifer trees is bent right over, turns out he'd been swinging in it.

I had NO IDEA that he was doing this but she seemed to blame me fully. I apologised and said I would punish him but as I have two sons of similar ages which play out, could she tell me which one it was.

She snapped "I don't know their names! the darker one, the one that looks like a rat"

A lump came in my throat as she said it and I felt my eyes water. I know I'm such a wimp and she was livid and probably didn't mean it but it has really upset me I understand why she was angry but AIBU to think this was uncalled for?

OP posts:
MrsWeasley · 04/04/2009 12:07

Mumcentreplus: keep running! I will appear in front of you (just like magic) when you least expect it!

Mumcentreplus · 04/04/2009 12:09
Wigglesworth · 04/04/2009 12:11

YANBU to be upset by her nasty label for your son. That is way out of line. However it sounds like your DS has been behaving like a PITA and he did laugh at her when she told him off so I can imagine she would be pretty pissed off.
Could you take DS to her house and get him to apologize to her and assure her it won't happen again. Then send DS home and demand an apology from her re her comment and tell her how hurtful it was.

MrsWeasley · 04/04/2009 12:12

Mumcentreplus: you just made me LOL and now DH knows I'm on MN and not sorting out my bank account

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/04/2009 12:17

I think that any upset I had felt at having a child of mine described as a rat would have been hugely outweighed by the shame and embarrassment I'd have felt at one of my children behaving that way.

Mumcentreplus · 04/04/2009 12:23

hehehe

SoupDreggon · 04/04/2009 12:32

Given that the OP asked the woman to describe her son, I think she got off lightly. The woman didn't label the boy, she described him as requested.

JodieO · 04/04/2009 12:49

If an adult can act in that manner what hope is there for any children they come into contact with? Has anyone thought that maybe he laughed at her when she told him off as it wasn't the first derogatory remark she'd made about him/to him?

I think it's disgusting that someone can talk about a young child in that way, would she have said the same to a 6ft bloke? I highly doubt it. Some people seem to think they can get away with anything these days and it just isn't true. I wouldn't be happy about what my son had done but equally I wouldn't be happy about anyone describing a child of mine like that. I would have told her where to go tbh.

MadameCastafiore · 04/04/2009 12:55

Maybe she was intimidated though Jodie - the kid laughing at her shows that he has no respect for older people but what do you expect if he is allowed to do this with a mother backing him up saying that her garden is unkempt?

And as for saying what one I have 2 kids - are you kids that dishonest that you couldn't ask them or show that you are serious about disciplining them and march them over there and get her to pick out the culprit - if you did this and showed unity rather than slagging off the ladies garden maybe your children would be better behaved and not be on a path to obtaining an ASBO?

MadameCastafiore · 04/04/2009 12:57

And actually calling your son a rat would have been tame when he had trespassed and caused criminal damage and you had shrugged it off because said property wasn't up to your standards and you didn;t know which one of your feral children it was.

Honestly the fault is with you and your child's behaviour here not her.

SugarBird · 04/04/2009 13:00

Um - I think that trespassing and running wild on someone's property, causing willful damage and laughing in the owner's face when told off is far, far worse than describing someone as looking like a rat (when asked for a description).

Do we really want to teach our kids that it's OK to behave in this (illegal) manner and actually their bad behaviour is negated because an adult says something (at our request) that we don't like?

Why would you tell her where to go? Surely you'd be too busy apologising for your child's appalling behaviour. It's true that some people think they can get away with anything these days - including kids whose mummies will tell the complainants off!

Daffodingles2 · 04/04/2009 14:39

Your neighbour has come round to complain because your sons, have trespassed regularly, caused criminal damage and been rude to the neighbour, whilst you have no clue where they are and what they are doing and you're upset because when asked to describe she said he looked like a rat !!!!!!!!
Unbelievable!
Me?... I would have called the police!

OrmIrian · 04/04/2009 14:43

OP didn't say he had done it many times before did she?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 04/04/2009 14:49

The OP said, "She said "Could you have a word with your son and tell him to keep out of my garden, I'm sick of it, look what he's done to my tree"."

The "I'm sick of it" suggests this was not the first time.

Daffodingles2 · 04/04/2009 14:49

er... yes.
"She did say he wasn't the only one doing it but apparantly he's always "there" and he laughed at her when she told him off."

hotcrosspurepurple · 04/04/2009 15:10

imagine if the thread had been called
"Am I being unreasonable to have called a neighbour's child a rat when I was cross at his criminal behaviour on my property"

OP, honestly, what would you have said?

FWIW
I think YABVU
Your child behaved appallingly and you are embarrassed and trying to put on a front of bravado

put yourself in other people's shoes once in a while
and don't let your child out if he can't respect other people and their property

Quattrocento · 04/04/2009 15:18

Nasty comment, not justified.

But I'm not sure you should let your DS 'play out' unless he can be trusted to behave.

DandyLioness · 04/04/2009 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 04/04/2009 17:31

The OP told us she was upset by the woman saying that her son looked like a rat. That was what she posted about. The reasons for that were not the issue. I think that in any circumstances, it isn't acceptable to do that, and in this particular circumstance it will only make things worse.

In my book, you make a complaint when someone has done something you don't like, then you wait to see what is done about it. You don't jump in with insults straightaway.

However, here's hoping that the boy has been punished by now and made to apologise for his actions. If the neighbour has calmed down I hope she will in turn apologise for her words. Because if she doesn't she has lost the high moral ground.

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 04/04/2009 17:47

you want the victim to apologise

DandyLioness · 04/04/2009 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Daffodingles2 · 04/04/2009 18:03

I think if much worse things to have said about you child than he resembles a rat! For all we know, he does!
Many children do at 11.

DandyLioness · 04/04/2009 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 04/04/2009 18:49

Yes she is the victim (if you want to use that terminology) but does being a 'victim' mean you can then suspend common sense and reasonable behaviour.

hotcrosspurepurple · 04/04/2009 19:08

lol at dandy
i wondered that too
I wonder what the other one looks like?

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