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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by my neighbour?

145 replies

anonupset · 02/04/2009 20:00

Earlier on there was banging on the front door. I went to answer it and a woman from across the road is stood there looking livid. She said "Could you have a word with your son and tell him to keep out of my garden, I'm sick of it, look what he's done to my tree". I looked across and one of her conifer trees is bent right over, turns out he'd been swinging in it.

I had NO IDEA that he was doing this but she seemed to blame me fully. I apologised and said I would punish him but as I have two sons of similar ages which play out, could she tell me which one it was.

She snapped "I don't know their names! the darker one, the one that looks like a rat"

A lump came in my throat as she said it and I felt my eyes water. I know I'm such a wimp and she was livid and probably didn't mean it but it has really upset me I understand why she was angry but AIBU to think this was uncalled for?

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 04/04/2009 19:10

I was looking at my 2 earlier and wondering which animal..

hotcrosspurepurple · 04/04/2009 19:15

Ds was born in the year of the snake and I can see it in him

DD was born in the year of the rat but looks more like a rabbit

now I imagine all our children look like characters from Arthur
"and I say hey what a wonderful time to play"

Daffodingles2 · 04/04/2009 19:17

Orm I would have said the neighbour has been pretty reasonable.
She's had the boys in her garden for some time and she's asked them to go.
Now she's asked the parents.
What more would you like her to do?

tinseltot · 04/04/2009 19:25

YANBU. That is just beyond. What a disgusting way for an adult to refer to a child. I would have given her a full dressing down. Am ashamed to admit that i would have probably been angry enough to have stooped to her level. I would have been very nasty and my comments would have been very personal - based on her appearance- am guessing she would have been the one in tears.

Daffodingles2 · 04/04/2009 19:26

ds1 is quite ratty
It's the teeth.
ds2 looks more like a dormouse

SugarBird · 04/04/2009 22:43

Tinseltot - would you really give her a dressing down if your child had just vandalised her garden and laughed in her face when told not to? Really?

SoupDreggon · 04/04/2009 23:01

The woman has "lost the moral high ground"?? B*llocks. The OPs child appears to be a little thug who repeatedly trespasses and has vandalised her property and laughed at her when she told him off. An ASBO in the making.

I think the OP is unreasonable to be upset by the neighbour because, quite frankly, she should be far more upset by her son's appalling behaviour and the fact that she had no idea which one was the garden destroying thug. If, when going to complain, I was confronted by someone saying "which child was it, I have 2 to choose from" I would have been far less complimentary. Not only about what the child looked like (if applicable) but by the parent's dreadful parenting.

SoupDreggon · 04/04/2009 23:02

(DS2 will look like a chipmunk when his other front adult tooth comes down. His cheeks are far too chubby and his eyes to big and round for rat)

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 04/04/2009 23:03

SoupDreggon well said

SoupDreggon · 04/04/2009 23:05

I am also less inclined to be sympathetic because the OP has a) namechanged and b) buggered off. Both of which indicate to me that she is embarrassed by her son's dreadful behaviour. Or making it up.

PrammyMammy · 04/04/2009 23:06

Well good on the neighbour i think. I have been wanting to say something to my neighbours about their gc playing in my garden and have found it hard finding the right words because i didn't want to sound to cheeky, but i really wish i had her guts.
I wouldn't want my ds playing in other peoples gardens. It isn't fair.

hercules1 · 05/04/2009 08:57

Well said, Soupdreggon. Are you soupdragon?

tinseltot · 05/04/2009 19:29

Sugarbird, I have no problem at all with the neighbour being upset about her garden being damaged and of course the child was totally in the wrong for doing this. What is not on though is the woman's personal attack and comment on the child's apperarance. This is totally irrelevant to the situation and very cruel. I would have seen red at that point of the complaint and would have found it hard not to fight fire with fire!

SoupDreggon · 05/04/2009 20:35

She didn't make a personal attack on the boy's appearance, she described him to the OP as requested.

Given that the trollOP has buggered off, we have no idea whether the child has pointy features which make him resemble a rat.

southeastastra · 05/04/2009 20:36

i'd never have bet this thread would last so long

SugarBird · 06/04/2009 00:20

Agree with SoupDreggon - she didn't make a personal attack. She was asked to describe the child. Hardly cruel - pretty restrained, even, given the situation.

twinsetandpearls · 06/04/2009 01:27

Am I the only one who laughed at "the one who looks like a rat"

I would be mortified if my child repeatedly and willfully damaged someone's property.

Kids do go through a rodent-like phase I teach classes full or rats, ferrets and weasels.

OrmIrian · 06/04/2009 07:47

I am wondering where the OP is too

Have been valiantly defending her son's right not to be called a rat and now wondering why I bothered

OrmIrian · 06/04/2009 07:47

I am wondering where the OP is too

Have been valiantly defending her son's right not to be called a rat and now wondering why I bothered

Mooseheart · 06/04/2009 08:11

Tbh, I'd be more upset if my child did actually look a little ratty, and had just had my suspicions confirmed, than if he didn't look ratty all and had just had a random insult slung about him. (A slight digression I think...)

Am waiting for OP to come back and tell us what exactly she has done to prevent this happening in future .

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