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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be able to take my children to my friends wedding

252 replies

sleepsforwimps · 02/04/2009 10:49

She politely told me that only children from her family are allowed at her wedding. The reason I'm given is she doesn't want the risk of anything spoiling her day..

This wouldn't be such a big deal if my ds was older, but he will be not much over a year by the time of the wedding. I am breastfeeding and I am now feel pressured into getting him drinking milk from a cup well enough that I can leave him with my parents by the time of the wedding. He has also never spent any time away from me and I don't like this pressure of having to leave him somewhere and getting him off the breast quicker than I maybe would have.

AIBU I want to take him with me, he's a very good baby, she wouldn't even know he was there.

OP posts:
AliGrylls · 02/04/2009 20:28

I got married 18 months ago and did not have any children at our wedding as it was an expensive affair and having children there would have doubled the cost. I can understand why not. However, now I am preggers so my view may be subject to change in approx 8 weeks time.

pamelat · 02/04/2009 20:33

We did not invite children to our wedding because of the cost, numbers and because we did not want children there (we did not have any at the time)

Now DD is 14 months and I am always surprised when she is invited and tend to accept but have her collected about 5pm.

At 1 can't a baby just have milk in the morning and then again at night? I cant quite remember when but my DD only has milk at 7am and 7pm now and she is not a lot older. Know its obviously about what works for you but I just mean for practical reasons, she/he does not need day time milk.
I prefer weddings without kids

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 20:52

Do they really charge extra for under 1yo?

I do think that it's a bit mean to exclude people because they are BF little tinies.

Other than that they can do what they like (even if I disagree with it )

LilianGish · 02/04/2009 21:02

I think to have a big white wedding with no little girls to admire it is a bit of a shame myself. We all have a bit of taste bypass when planning our dream wedding, but the swags and candles of one poster's £15k afair are the stuff of fantasy for little girls. In actual fact these should be our target audience if we want people to remember every detail in years to come. Never mind your friends and aquaintances who probably think it is all slightly ott it's the six and seven-year-olds who believe you really are a princess (even if they've known you all their life). And it's not just the girls - at the end of my wedding a friend's 3-year-old ds asked me if he could come again next week and asked his mum if when he grew up he would marry me! You may think you are being smart and sophisticated by having no kids, but in my opinion it's the equivalent of going to the pantomime or the Disneyland with no kids. I would tell your friend who doesn't want to risk anything spoiling her day that you won't go as you don't want to risk spoiling ds's day.

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 21:08

I thought people got married because they love each other or for the benefits of marriage. Who the hell spends that much money to let a 6 year old see someone in a pretty dress? I certainly wouldn't. That isn't what a wedding is about.

islandofsodor · 02/04/2009 21:09

Children under 1 are usually free in most hotels but they count towards the maximum number of people allowed in a venue for fire regs.

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 21:10

And the equivalent of going to a pantomine without kids? How? How many 6 year olds get married?

Personally the last thing I'd want is a big white wedding.

If that's what they want buy them a Barbie. It's cheaper.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 21:12

Lilian I had a total taste bypass! And the little girls were utterly awed by it. Two were following me around and in the end I had to ask (cos they so wanted to) if they wanted to carry my train. It made their day

At another wedding I went to a little girl asked if she could dance with the prince (groom). Bless

And yes I know it all sounds cheesy, but if weddings aren't cheesy then I really don't know what is!

Love your post Lilian, you are so right.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 02/04/2009 21:18

I am always a bit about people who insist that weddings should be like this or like that. Have your wedding the way you like it, remember that you have the option of politely declining invitations to a wedding that's going to horribly inconvenience you or make your piles hurt, but remember that what people you don't even know want to do is not actually any of your business.

LilianGish · 02/04/2009 21:28

Thunderduck I wasn't suggesting everyone should have white wedding - just wondering why you would concoct something that is every little girl's fantasy and then stipulate no kids? I think from the guest's point of view the worst weddings are those presided over by a Bridezilla control freak -and my experience those are the ones most likely to insert a no kids clause.

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 21:36

Not quite every little girl's fantasy. If the bride had brought along a particuarly interesting collection of bugs when I was a child. I'd have been interested. Pretty dresses no thankyou.

I still fail to see the point. There are many things that adults do that kids might love to do also, doesn't mean they must be invited to those events either.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 21:51

Ah but the dress wasn't to make the little girls react.

The dress was because, although you start out with an idea of classic sophistication, you soon realise that there is a reason that wedding dresses are shaped like that if you're short and curvy. Elegant ones look like shite. It's a big skirt or bust!

The little girls reaction was a by-product I hadn't banked on, but made me

And as a person who, girl and adult, really doesn't do pretty, and enjoys star trek, and studys science, it was weirdly nice to have a day where I wore a really really stupid huge dress, for the first and last time, there was something quite wonderful about it!

LilianGish · 02/04/2009 21:59

at bug collection Thunderduck. You should have got married at the Natural History Museum.

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 22:02

That's a great idea actually...wonders if it'd be possible.

LilianGish · 02/04/2009 22:03

I think you can definitely have your reception there, but with the dinosaurs rather than the insects.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 22:03

I wanted to get married at the kew bridge steam museum

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 22:04

Dp would love that too. I'm going to look into it. Ty.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 22:07

thunderduck here

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 22:11

Ty Shambolic. I love the idea. Will tell dp where we're getting married,ask dp's opinion about it,tomorrow.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 22:12

Can I interest you in the Kew Museum of Steam?

LilianGish · 02/04/2009 22:14

Great for kids

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 22:15

Actually I'd marry there too. If the NHM wasn't an option. I adore museums.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 22:15

lilian

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 22:17

Crikey thunderduck look at the price though...

Thunderduck · 02/04/2009 22:19

Eeek

Have I ever mentioned how much I love dp's wealthy parents? They've no idea but they'll soon learn...goes off to work on her eyelash fluttering.