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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to be able to take my children to my friends wedding

252 replies

sleepsforwimps · 02/04/2009 10:49

She politely told me that only children from her family are allowed at her wedding. The reason I'm given is she doesn't want the risk of anything spoiling her day..

This wouldn't be such a big deal if my ds was older, but he will be not much over a year by the time of the wedding. I am breastfeeding and I am now feel pressured into getting him drinking milk from a cup well enough that I can leave him with my parents by the time of the wedding. He has also never spent any time away from me and I don't like this pressure of having to leave him somewhere and getting him off the breast quicker than I maybe would have.

AIBU I want to take him with me, he's a very good baby, she wouldn't even know he was there.

OP posts:

Sorrento · 02/04/2009 12:00

Nah you're right I wouldn't go but to be honest not being allowed to take a baby along would be a friendship breaker for me anyway, if she is that up her own arse i'd be moving on anyway.

llareggub · 02/04/2009 12:09

I was invited to a wedding when breastfed DS as 5 months old. He was invited, but after much thought and deliberation, we left him behind. Obviously I had to express to give my aching norks some relief, but take my word for it, it was absolute heaven to have some time away from DS and spend some time alone with DH.

It was like a holiday, and we loved it! It was even better coming home to see the look on his face when he saw us again, and he had a wonderful time with his grandparents.

I now like to leave him at home even if he is invited to a wedding, given that he won't enjoy it and we'll enjoy it more if he doesn't come. At the last wedding I went to, one of the younger guests had a paddy and threw her headband across the room, just as the blushing bride was walking down the aisle. Of course, we all found it hilarious but the poor bride had no idea what we were laughing about.

Go, honestly, it'll be fine.

caramelwaffle · 02/04/2009 12:10

It is the Bride and Grooms day. I would respect their wishes. Perhaps having Grandparents in a hotel nearby to look after baby would be a good idea. If is a countryside wedding, or a new area, you could extend it to a weekend break. The Grandparents might then also have a little family break with you and your husband.

iggypiggy · 02/04/2009 12:10

We allowed children at our wedding - but in the end - only 2 babies were brought along... At the time there were no children within our close family and our parents wanted us to ban them so as to not spoli the ceremony. But I was happy to have them.

I think people have the right to have whoever they like at their own wedding. The sheer rudeness of some people's totally shocked me when we sent our invites out. One bloke wrote his new girlfriends name on the invite return slip... she wasn't invited - he just added her on... do people have no concept of the cost per head?! Lots of others asked to bring new partners - we did say yes, but it made me cross!

The issue of children at weddings is v. thorny... basically people with children generally get cross if they can't bring them and people that don't have children don't want them there.

mumeeee · 02/04/2009 12:11

YABU. DD1 got marreid on Saturday and she only wanted children from ours and her now husbands ( that sounds strange)family. The reason being there was limited space.
Everyone was happy with this anda close friend of the family actually said she would rather come to the wedding wtihout her children as she could relax more.

Sassybeast · 02/04/2009 12:12

I like kids at weddings and i understand your feelings. but at the end of the day it is their day, so I'd decline the invite if it really is logistically impossible to leave him.

Sorrento · 02/04/2009 12:14

It must be a British thing, I find it positively weird people would "time away" from their children and no children at weddings. What a strange country this is.

Fairynufff · 02/04/2009 12:15

YANBU - Kids sliding on their knees on the dancefloor and shouting out inappropriate things during the service is the ONLY reason to smile at one of these straight out of 'Bride' magazine, dull, it's-all-about-me weddings. Use it as an excuse to decline and treat your little boy to a day in Legoland instead.

chequersmate · 02/04/2009 12:25

Re: drinking out of a cup, if that's what the issue really is then I don't think you need to worry.

My DD is 7 months and has been drinking from a cup for a couple of months now, with no major dramas. I'm sure you can get some tips off some mners on how to help him with this.

iggypiggy · 02/04/2009 12:25

forgot to include in my post - I think YABU.

Sorrento - is not wierd - is totally the choice of the people getting married! I like kids a weddings - but not everyone does... not everyone likes kids full stop...

ruddynorah · 02/04/2009 12:29

yanbu to want to take him. however yabu in expecting them to bend their arrangements for you.

at a year old he isn't exactly invisble is he? and really he can go a day without milk. does he drink water or is his only fluid breastmilk?

i'm afraid i'm of the camp that actually enjoys time away from children. dh and i had many remarks when we went to a wedding without dd, that she was invited to. however it meant a 3 hour car journey there, one of us would have had to leave early and stay with her in the hotel..etc etc.. i suspect several parents were rather jealous of us having a toddler free afternoon and evening. how we chuckled at them all rocking their LOs in their pushchairs until finally giving up and going back to the hotel.

Sorrento · 02/04/2009 12:36

ruddynorah - you laughed at other people parenting their children after you'd dumped yours so you could have a day out you think a one year old can go a day without milk

islandofsodor · 02/04/2009 12:42

Sorrento, whilst what you say is tru of the actual ceremony and I personally would have no problem taking anunivited child to a church ceremony what you are suggesting for the reception is incredibly rude.

Thebride need not have invited friends at all had she not kindly chosen to. Asking children as well may mean there is not enough space. There would be no seat at the meal for eg. If 20 people did as you suggested the reception venue could refuse entry to bona fide guests if the room is overcrowded.

The bride has not exluded family children according to the OP. Not everyoine can afford or find a venue large enough to accomodate everyone.

And yes, a 1 year old can go a day woithout milk if he has yoghurt or something instead. My breastfed 1 year old often did.

Milk should be the main drink up to a year old and as part of a varied diet thereafter.

SazzlesA · 02/04/2009 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SoupDreggon · 02/04/2009 12:53

I've done both and would choose child-free over taking a baby/small child with me every time.

Just turning up with an uninvited child is just plain rude, as is writing an acceptance saying "we will be bringing our children as we assume you meant them too".

ShortButNotSweet · 02/04/2009 12:55

YABU to take him to the reception if not invited. A child, however young, is counted as a guest at the reception and by taking him you may take the head-count over the maximum allowed.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 12:58

This again?!!!! A lot at the moment...

My stock response is I don't understand why people don't want chidlren at weddings, but that's just how I feel. I just don't get it.

When I was invited to a no children wedding when DD was small and BF, I simply declined the invitation. It's quite simple really. If your child is not used to/old enough/going for long enough without BM to be left then you can't leave.

As long as the person getting married doesn't make a fuss about you not going then no probs. I am a bit when they start badgering you about why you can't come - that does get my goat.

chequersmate · 02/04/2009 12:59

God I'm really looking forward to dumping my child on my IL's so I can have a day out in June 2010 when my cousin gets married.

Selfish, wicked mother that I am

ipanemagirl · 02/04/2009 13:02

yanbuif you're bf, then you can hardly be expected to shed the child for the day. I don't think it should apply to such young children.

chequersmate · 02/04/2009 13:04

Children can drink cows milk over the age of one can't they? But if the b/f is such a huge issue can you just go for the ceremony or something?

chequersmate · 02/04/2009 13:07

Am confused by the OP now, is the wedding abroad? Why would you have to get him off the breast for a one-off when he'll be over a year old?

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 02/04/2009 13:08

I tend to think all these people who can't/won't go anywhere without their children are a bit odd (apart from BF and not-weaned-yet babies, obviously). I tend to assume that they are not very good at adult interaction and have rather narrow horizons: the sort of people who can't talke about anything but nipples and nappies.

Simplysally · 02/04/2009 13:08

I left my dd at home for a wedding and took my sister instead as dd was under the weather on the actual day. Dear sis was ready to eat a jar of baby food at the reception but instead she tucked into smoked salmon and roast beef with all the other guests. I was torn but it was my best friend from uni getting married so my sister accompanied me - and was called by my dd's name all afternoon. I guess it was pretty cheeky really but my friend was fine with it all.

Shame she got divorced three years later .

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 13:08

Depends on the child though doesn't it.

My DD was only having one feed a day at 12 mo but I have friends who have still been feeding throughout the day.

I don't think the OP should be forced to cut down on feeds if her and DC don't want to.

LIZS · 02/04/2009 13:12

how much notice has she given you ? I think if you have a good few weeks it will eb fine , if last minute then mroe tricky to make arrangements. Are your family local ?

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