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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DD1 class be told all about Afghanistan when she's 5?

185 replies

MrsPurple · 31/03/2009 21:24

I don't think I'm over reacting and am looking for reassurance. My DD1 (year 1), came home from school yesterday telling all about fighting and the war in Afghanistan.

I had many difficult questions off her.

It turns out a classmates uncle came in to talk to class about his job etc.

No letter was sent out re asking parents to come and talk about jobs and no letter that it was going to happen, because I would have wanted her excluded from this.

I know children need to know re some stuff but when she's older, at the moment it's my discretion.

The man told them all about fighting and war and guns.

I had a problem re a teaching game used a few weeks back called shoot out that the teacher used (I asked for help on here re that). The teacher ressured me they wouldn't use it again.

I now fell that my worries weren't listened to and want to email the Head, who I know quite well. AIBU?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 02/04/2009 12:50

do people really believe that policemen only talk about picking up litter and other such trivialities? I would put money on the fact that most 5 year olds have had a stranger danger talk at school. Something which is far more close to home and far more personal to a child, who would surely find it easier to believe that someone might harm them than believing they were going to be bombed.

madwomanintheattic · 02/04/2009 12:51

i was just being facetious about picking up litter - in reference to a balamory storyline lol. yes, stranger danger. yes, police roles, but not a lot on murder and stabbings for the 5 yos lol.

wannaBe · 02/04/2009 13:04

of course mw. But I bet there are people who wouldn't want their children told about stranger danger either.

Remember the complaints over the mmc adverts in cinemas?

madwomanintheattic · 02/04/2009 13:09

give me a clue? i don't even know what an mmc advert is lol...

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 13:12

madeleine mccann.

I think people were upset because it wasn't stranger danger, it was the idea that someone could come into you room and take you while you slept which some young ones got very upset about...

madwomanintheattic · 02/04/2009 13:15

ah. that makes sense. thanks!

sachertorte · 02/04/2009 14:39

Milly, imo, studying WWII as a whole school topic is completely different to an out-of-context talk on war in Afghanistan. (I wouldn´t have any problem with the WWII topic btw)

I have no idea why you are less than impressed that a year 1 child may not be familiar with war and am ever grateful to live abroad where I´d be very surprised if war would ever come to the attention of my 4 year old. I am PLEASED to say that she´s never been exposed to war, the news or any kind of advertising on TV, computer games (or whatever they are called nowadays) or many other aspects of modern life. This is the way I WANT it - at least for another year or 2. Her interests for the moment can be channelled into innocent child-friendly activities. What´s wrong with that?

I also don´t accept the argument that young children should know the truth about the big bad world on the grounds that they should appreciate how good they have it. Rubbish. Children just don´t think that way. ADULTS don´t think that way, everything is relative to the environment in which you live.

madwomanintheattic · 02/04/2009 14:53

it wasn't an out-of-context talk on war in afghanistan lol. it was a KS1 PSHE curriculum 'people who help us' talk.

we'll not know unless the op asks the teacher what it really was though, will we?

sachertorte · 02/04/2009 16:09

To me, perhaps one hour on Afghanistan IS out of context, it was not done as a theme over an extended period of time. It was out of the blue.

MillyR · 02/04/2009 16:48

Sachertorte

I don't think it is about knowing the truth about the whole world; I agree that there are things happening in the world that a year 1 child should not know about. I think in Britain it is about society as a whole showing respect for servicemen and women. So I think all school children should participate in 11/11 which involves knowing what a war is.

FairLadyOfMuslinCloth · 02/04/2009 17:42

Sachertorte,was it said that he spend an hour just talking about Afghanistan?

sachertorte · 02/04/2009 18:01

No it was not. But I doubt he talked any longer than that, probably shorter.

Milly, I already agreed that something like the WWII topic described earlier IS appropriate in the way a short (I threw out one hour as an example) discussion on Afghanistan is not.

madwomanintheattic · 02/04/2009 18:22

it wasn't a discussion on afghanistan!

it was a discussion about being a soldier! the two are completely distinct and are not the one and same thing. afghanistan was probably mentioned once or twice in a 'places i've been' context!

an hour on the intricacies of afghanistan at 5... the class were probably asleep on the carpet lol.

if it was a talk about afghanistan in a places around the world context, he would've bought clothes and stuff in and talked about lifestyles and local traditions, and the landscape and showed them his snaps lol.

still don't believe it was a talk on afghanistan and war.

FairLadyOfMuslinCloth · 02/04/2009 18:42

sachertorte...what I meant was, that the whole afghanistan /war-issue was probably only touched on, there is much more to being a soldier than going to war/shooting/killing....fgs....

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 19:59

Arrgh!

Please can we all stop making assumptions about what was/wasn't said? It's getting silly now!

Please OP come and put us out of our misery! What were the difficult questions? What did DC say the talk waas about?!

Original poster
MrsPurple · 02/04/2009 22:29

Sorry Ladies, been amd busy all day and Broiad band wasn't working.

To answer a few questions.

The teacher was unavailable to ask due to her extra activity commitments and after last finger gun incident I felt like my concerns had been ignore and didn't see the point in following this avenue.

DD was very clear on what was discussed and it was that the talker was a soldier and stopped the 'baddies coming here by boat and plane' He also discussed Afghistan and what was going on there. Guns were brought into the conversation 'still not sure how' and what they can do to people and baddies by 'deading' them? (that's 5 year olds langusge).

The questions were in relation to what BAddies, will they come to our home, how will the soldiers know they are here. How does a gun hurt us? etc. Sorry no more descriptions it's been a very long day today.

My original point was that I was upset my DD had gone through this at school, without me having any prior knowledge, and no warning from the school. My DD takes things very much to heart, not because I shelter her but because that is her personality.

It is not a criticism of soldiers whom I very much respect, I think some posters have got carried away on this being an anti forces thread, which it isn't. I just don't think my DD is of the appropriate age to have to be subjected to this in a group sitution.

The posters who have put that their loved ones are soldiers etc, feel I am BU, because their DC know all about this stuff as they have not sheltered them. Well it goes back to individual circumstances and what you as a family think is right. This has been taken out of my hands without a thought for our family.

My DD is aware of certain things in the world. My DH is not in the forces so I have not felt it is necessary or apropriate to discuss this yet as she is not of the age where she is emotionally equipped to deal with this topic.

If it will stop some posters pointing the finger and saying I'm sheltering her too much, can I ask how many posters would be happy if a train driver went into school (without any warning) and not only discussed the job but the heroics around when he has to save people in a train crash and discuss this in more detail, by focusing on this part of job more.

Incidentally my DD does go to Rainbows and throughly enjoys it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPurple · 02/04/2009 22:31

Apologies for spelling errors it has been a very long day

OP posts:
Shambolic · 02/04/2009 22:44

MrsP thanks so much for coming back. I did feel that we were all getting a bit carried away based on what we assumed may or may not have been said.

FWIW I am not surprised that you are upset, the idea that baddies can come by boat and plane to your house are to a 5yo very scary. Will they come to my house, will they use their guns and make people dead etc not good IMO. Too much detail, too much (coming by boat and plane) which a small child will pick up on and dwell on.

Whatever was actually said, if it made a small child ask these questions and feel unsafe at home then it was IMO not the right sort of thing to be telling them.

I don't think that's over-protective - small children have a very small view of the world - it's mummy/daddy/home/school/the shops etc and they don't really realise that these things are happening a really long way away. They just think what it means to them and their world...

wannaBe · 02/04/2009 22:47

well I guess that depends.

I can well imagine some 5 year olds asking a train driver what would happen if the train crashed...

As you don't know what exactly was said (as 5 year olds only remember what they want to remember and you rarely get even half the picture), and you are not prepared to speak to the school about it, you are completely unreasonable.

How can you possibly raise an objection to something when you don't even know what it was?

FairLadyOfMuslinCloth · 02/04/2009 22:49

must admit that concept of baddies coming by boat or train seems ratehr WWI/II to me....and doesn't really amke sesne in the context of afghanistan, etc...but maybe that is just me...

wannaBe · 02/04/2009 22:49

and I think that children are a lot more astute than we give them credit for.

I also think that sometimes we want to think that only we can teach our children, because they're our babies and cannot possibly cope with the realities of the world. When in actual fact this isn't the case.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 22:53

Wannabe do you have an "age appropriate" caveat on your last comment?

wannaBe · 03/04/2009 09:58

oh fgs why are people so obsessed with every comment being followed by the words "age appropriate"?

Surely it is common sense that we speak to children in an age appropriate manner. Surely anyone with half a brain knows that without having to have it spelled out for them at every opportunity.

We are talking about a school here, a school where teachers are trained to teach children. And where it is highly unlikely that a soldier would be going in to talk about the absolute horrors in afghanistan.

I also agree with fairlady that people coming here on boats etc sounds more like wwII and clearly has no relevance to Afghanistan whatsoever.

madwomanintheattic · 03/04/2009 12:29

so as we aren't likely to find out what was said and are still doing chinese whispers lol, i'm going to retire gracefully. off to volunteer my services to local schools as part of their ks1 curriculum.
joking! but if they asked...

messymissy · 03/04/2009 12:49

At 5 years old that is too young to be exposed to this sort of thing. Yes I fully understand and appreciate that some children are actually living through it and some have fathers who are soldiers, but that does not mean you have to accept that it is ok to expose a 5 year old to it, especially without your permission.

I would complain to the school and ask for more information as to what was discussed, and how age appropriate it actually was. Watch out for other questions she may have as it might take a while for some of the things she has been told to sink in.

If she were 8 - 10 I'd say ok that's a good age to raise these issues, but at 5....way too young, in my humble opinion....

JCSCOT - i feel for you, you are living with it, and I am sure that as a mum you will be able to explain in an appropriate way to your little boy that Daddy is away and you will know exactly was it said to him. I hope your DH 6 month tour of duty passes quickly and safely.