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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DD1 class be told all about Afghanistan when she's 5?

185 replies

MrsPurple · 31/03/2009 21:24

I don't think I'm over reacting and am looking for reassurance. My DD1 (year 1), came home from school yesterday telling all about fighting and the war in Afghanistan.

I had many difficult questions off her.

It turns out a classmates uncle came in to talk to class about his job etc.

No letter was sent out re asking parents to come and talk about jobs and no letter that it was going to happen, because I would have wanted her excluded from this.

I know children need to know re some stuff but when she's older, at the moment it's my discretion.

The man told them all about fighting and war and guns.

I had a problem re a teaching game used a few weeks back called shoot out that the teacher used (I asked for help on here re that). The teacher ressured me they wouldn't use it again.

I now fell that my worries weren't listened to and want to email the Head, who I know quite well. AIBU?

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 14:02

might not be quite so dramatic then though - not so much 'bang, i murder people for a living and your dad pays for me to do it - and next week i'm off to kill evil foreigners' as 'i'm responsible for counting blankets/ mending tanks and lorries if they break down'.
'aibu to expect that school will not bore my child to tears'

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 14:06

ROFL

FairLadyRantALot · 01/04/2009 14:42

lol madwoman....

smee · 01/04/2009 14:58

fwiw if a soldier came into DS's classroom to talk, I'd think it a good thing. So long as he wasn't like madwoman describes that is..

katiestar · 01/04/2009 15:43

I think we should be grateful our children are here in Britain learning about war, and not Afghan children on the receiving end of it.

brimfull · 01/04/2009 15:48

yanbu

I would have been annoyed at this.At that age they don't need to know about wars etc.Why do we want to fill their heads with worry at such a young age?

sachertorte · 01/04/2009 16:18

?The man told them all about fighting and war and guns? This elicited many difficult questions.

This is all we need to know. The talk was not about counting blankets, being a mechanic or cook. It was about fighting and war and guns and was enough to worry a child. This child does not have any family members in the forces, if she had brought up the issue herself, then it would be the time to discuss it, with HER, individually, not bring it up in a whole class situation. You can not compare police visitors or ambulance workers with a soldier. We all have contact with these professions from birth. Children here have no concept whatsoever of war.

Fairynufff · 01/04/2009 16:34

I don't know how we could possible give an opinion on this without having seen his presentation. There is a big issue at the moment with Primary schools being dominated by female staff and I've seen at first hand the power of a male parent helper just walking in. All the kids were looking up at him and hanging on his every word. I can bet even if your DD was affected by it there were proabably some little boys in the class that thought it was brilliant - particularly if the man in question was engaging and animated. I do think you are over reacting slightly and a bit precious. Kids don't really take this kind of thing on board as profoundly as adults. That's why they are so resiliant.

madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 16:35

but children all over the uk have contact with forces. there are military establishments everywhere. they all pop up every november and tootle up to the cenotaph. half the royal family pop their uniforms on given half a chance.

the actual issue is that for political reasons it became extremely problematic for military personnel to wear uniform in public (admittedly fuelled by the ira lol) which has led somehow to a 'the armed forces are something to be ashamed about' mentality. i wholly welcome the idea of letting people in uniform into schools. it's not propoganda, it's just normalising the experiences of thousands of children and families, and letting children see that soldiers actually really are just someone else's daddy, not a murderer hiding round the corner ready to finish you off. or is that what you are really concerned about? that it would tarnish the idea of a soldier just being an ordinary bloke and not a cold blooded mercenary?

wannaBe · 01/04/2009 16:38

"?The man told them all about fighting and war and guns? This elicited many difficult questions."

But how can the op possibly know that there were many difficult questions. We are talking about the response of a five year old here, do you really think that a five year old would be able to tell her mother that the discussion led to many difficult questions?

Tbh I imagine the discussion of guns and fighting might even have come from the children, once the man came in to talk to them about being a soldier. I can quite imagine some of the 5/6 year olds in my ds' class asking questions like "do you fight? Do you have guns?" etc - esp the boys who at this age are often obsessed with pretend fighting and soldiers and even killing each other.

The op has no idea how the discussion went at all, she has had the feedback from a 5 year old.

Fairynufff · 01/04/2009 16:42

exactly my point WannaBe

wannaBe · 01/04/2009 16:54

five year olds are not reliable sources of information. example:

We have been recruiting a head teacher at my ds' school. Last week was the interviews and the candidates did some teaching as part of the interview process. The teaching was observed by one of the governors who has previous teaching experience, and who is also the parent of a child in the school.

On Friday a mother came up to me and said, "My ds says that x' mummy is going to be our new head teacher." as she'd been in the class with the candidate doing the teaching, who the children had been told was hoping to be their new head teacher, this little boy had got confused and thought that because x' mummy was there, she also wanted to be the new head teacher.

Whereas it was actually something entirely different.

ellingwoman · 01/04/2009 17:05

Completely agree with Wannabe.

Another scenario - the man may have been asked to come in because the children had constantly been playing 'war' and enjoying getting gruesome and it was thought he could put a less glamorous slant on it.

Also op you said that the teacher hadn't taken your views into consideration. How do you know that? She may have considered them but decided the views of others were just as important.

sachertorte · 01/04/2009 17:10

The talk ELICITED many difficult questions, to me this is showing confusion and lack of comprehension about something that can not be explained easily to a 5 year old. It is the REACTIONS of the children that have to be taken into consideration, not exactly what was said as such.

I agreee los are not reliable sources of info but imo, from the information we were given, it seems to me that the subject was not appropriate for the age group and should only have been handled if at all by a professional who works with children.

And my views have got nothing to do with being ashamed of the armed forces, just that their placwe is not necessarily talking to 5 year olds. 8 or 9 years olds + no problem.

madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 17:29

lol. i'll ban dh from dd2 then. should i hide him from the neighbours children? ban him from collecting the kids in his uniform? would the OP find it difficult to explain to her children why x's daddy was dressed like that?

but back to the police thing - i'm sure some children find the concept of crime quite scary? do we stop those visits?

jcscot · 01/04/2009 17:43

Well said madwoman. Perhaps I should make my husband creep into the house under cover of darkness, just in case the sight of a brawny chap in Combat 95 with a daysack/bergen damages the delicate sensibilities of the little children who live in our street.

I'll make sure that I hide all photos of Daddy in uniform from the boys (especially the one of him tray-surfing in full Mess Dress, including spurs) lest it encourage them to want to be a soldier.

Oh yes, and I'd better tell him to lie about what he does when talking to other people's children, lest they get "exposed" to someone who's actually a pretty decent role model.

katiestar · 01/04/2009 18:00

It is thanks to the armed forces in WW2 that the OPs daughter won't be working in a Nazi brothel when she is 10 years older

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 18:02

madwoman - yes we should ban the visits - if the police person is telling children things which are horrifying and they don't need to know.

It all goes back to the content really doesn't it, and we don't know what the content was...

jcscot · 01/04/2009 18:23

"It is thanks to the armed forces in WW2 that the OPs daughter won't be working in a Nazi brothel when she is 10 years older "

You know what they say:

"If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you're reading this in English, thank a soldier."

"It all goes back to the content really doesn't it, and we don't know what the content was.."

That is true. If the soldier was going into the gory realities of the war in Afghanistan, with the IEDs, the suicide bombers, the frequent mortar attacks, the constant fire, the injuries from mines etc, etc, etc, then the OP certainly would have a reason to be concerned. If, however, the soldier went in and explained that he'd been in Afghanistan, helping to defeat people who want to oppress/hurt others while helping to rebuild the local community. If he talked about whatever he did (I drive a tank, I'm an engineer, I'm a medic etc) in general terms, then the OP is definitely being a little precious.

madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 18:27

but none of them are, are they? he wouldn't have been crb'd, so he would have been supervised by the teacher the whole time. i'm sure if he had been giving gory accounts of firefights and patrolling the streets getting his mates blown up the teacher might have intervened and said 'mr jones, would you like a coffee now?' and then went into damage limitation mode with the children.

horrifying? i seriously doubt there was so much as a mention of war except 'sometimes people do bad things in different countries and we are asked to go and help them put it right', with a whisper of afghanistan as one of the possibles.

just like the policeman will be talking in vague terms about naughty people and looking for clues and helping old ladies lol. sil is a judge. weirdly she doesn't talk to 5yo's about the intricacies of defending rapists or terrorists. my objection to the op is the hysterical response that followed a soldier being allowed into school in contact with (gulp) 5 yos lol.

nomoreamover · 01/04/2009 18:29

yes you are being unreasonable. Good for the childs uncle for giving up what must have been precious time off for him to talk to the children about what our forces are doing out there.

I don't agree with the war in Iraq but I still think we have a lot ot thank our soldiers for =- they put their lives at risk for freedom.

I am sure much of this has been said already but I wanted the OP to see that many people will consider her preciousness a little insulting to the men and women risking their lives out there.

The child is probably very proud of her uncle and wanted to "show him off" to the rest of the class! And if it was in "show and tell" there may not have been time to send a letter out.

I think it would be most insensitive of you to write in and compain tbh. Sorry.

nomoreamover · 01/04/2009 18:29

madwoman - all soldiers/armed forces are CRB'd I think you'll find....

Saltire · 01/04/2009 18:32

DH is CRB'd, in fact when we lived in Scotland he was several times over.
1 for his job, as it could have involved helping children/vulnerable people
2 for refereeing childrens rugby
3 for helping out at cubs and
4 for me childminding

madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 18:32

nope. security checked, but not crb enhanced disclosure to work with children and vulnerable people.

jcscot · 01/04/2009 18:33

"madwoman - all soldiers/armed forces are CRB'd I think you'll find.... "

No they're not. They go through Armed Forces vetting, which is similar, but not the same as having a CRB.