to say M&S is not family-friendly !!

[GLS]

Hands up if you've ever had one of those moments in a supermarket where your 2 year old is throwing the world's greatest tantrum and you're caught with no milk or snacks. Today I was in M&S at Lakeside. It was packed. My toddler decided to let loose with a super-dooper tantrum so I grabbed a banana to settle him as I tried to do the shopping as fast as I could without seeming like a crazed woman! The check-out queue was a real challenge but luckily a kids mag was the perfect distraction. So I checked out, paid the bill and was leaving the store only to be stopped by a security guard who said "Do you know why I'm stopping you?" I wondered if I'd won some prize like being the 1,000th shopper or something. He persisted in asking me "Do you know why I'm stopping you?" I hadn't a clue. Did they want my feedback on my customer experience perhaps? He escorted me off to a room where I was advised that I had stolen a banana from the store without paying. I had completey forgotten about the banana! After just spending £50.57 in the store I said sorry but you're kidding right? He advised me they were calling the police! After full-on interrogation & full personal data checking, and 30 minutes of ridiculously wasted time, I was advised I was being issued with a letter barring me from ever entering another M&S store ever again, and if I did police action can be taken. I said "Do you know how much I spend at M&S every year?" (the answer is around £3,000+ pa!). I was well-dressed and presented - not your average hoodie with that 'repeat offender' type of look! So there you go. I'm sure shareholders should be worried if this is M&S' practice on mothers! What's your opinion?

And I'm not saying things like what dilemma456 described doesn't happen, the difference is that she handled it sensibly by insisting it go back immediately, hence the adult taking responsibility for her child's actions.

You know, I've spent a lot of money in taxes over the years.

So I think that entitles me to go up to Gordon Brown and nick his wallet.

The question is, if it's a genuine accident/oversight/absent minded person, should it be treated as a crime in the first place.

I think that the M&S bouncer was exceptionally heavy handed, especially as he must have watched the whole sorry episode unfold, from tantrum, to desperate mum, to banana grab and feed, to toddler calming down, and mum forgetting about teh whole thing. At which point he nabs her, in the full knowledge that she has forgotten the whole thing. Hardly an edifying act.

Like I say I have done this twice and would have been devastated if I had been treated like a criminal and barred from my local supermarket where I shop every day. Even worse if the police had been called and I had been prosecuted. That would potentially have ruined my life - unable to get a job etc - and all over a forgotten item.

There is also the question of intent - some people have said it is only theft if intent is there - so if you have fogotten it does not fulfil the criteria for theft. I don't know whether that is the case or not - most people on this thread seem to be arguning not.

Something fairly major is missing from the op's story. I find it hard to believe that someone would be banned from all stores for the sake of one banana.

My reaction on being told I had nicked a banana would have been a sincere apology and swift offer to pay. Not 'you must be kidding, I've already spent enough'

Ah well that's where the OP has been very clever and obtained such a huge thread and a polarised argument.

Down to whether people are assuming that she apologised and offered to pay or whether she really did literally say "FFS don't you know how important I am" type thing.

We just don't know.

It is a very clever OP

It's the grapes in the supermarket thread, rehashed!

Is it some kind of social psychology research do you think?

or just some arsehole

My sister did this with her kids all the time when they were younger - she'd give them a piece of fruit in the fruit/veg section, then "forget" to pay for it, essentially getting a free snack for them at the store's expense. She thought it was no big deal ("after all, I spend tons of money here regularly"). It used to drive me crazy, and after a few times of pointing out to her that it is outright theft, I gave up and avoided the subject. Lots of people do this, and frankly, I would say the store security hear this regularly. How are they supposed to judge her intent or how genuine she is being when she says she forgot?? He may have come across a bit heavy handed, but I'm sure her attitude didn't help either.

Maybe OP works for a competitor... In a professional, well-dressed, well-presented "spends £3000 a year in M&S capacity", obv.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word, though...

Troll maybe?

Oh, this lends itself SO well to a tabloid story:

NICKED A BANANA? WE'RE CALLING THE PEELERS!

YUMMY MUMMY THIEF'S BANANA-SKIN SLIP IN M&S

LITTLE MONKEY IN M&S BANANA SCANDAL

Triggles so everyone who is absent minded/has ever taken their eye off their toddler for a moment/has a memory impairment for whatever reason should not ever go in a shop?

That does seem a little harsh.

What your sister was doing was theft. She was intentionally taking things that she knew she was not going to pay for.

What the OP did and what others have done is genuinely forgotten that they have done something. Very infrequently and not that strange when you've got a new baby or whatever.

But they should be treated in exactly the same fashion as an intentional shoplifter and not be allowed in shops any more.

Fine if you have the internet I suppose you can do all your shopping from home. What if no internet? And no friends/family to go and buy your food or whatever?

Amazed at how harsh people are being.

Plus I am not sure that "If you take something without paying for it, regardless of your intentions, it is theft." Some people have said that whether it is theft or not depends on the intent.

LOL at UQD!

Intention is important yes - the definition of theft is the intention to permanently deprive. In this case the OP took the banana on purpose and fed it to her child when it wasn't hers to give. It doesn't technically become shop lifting until you leave the shop so there was every opportunity for the OP to pay but she didn't. She stole the banana imo.

Yes the punishment may have been excessive and difficult to police (unless the OP uses an M&S charge card which presumably they can set up to be refused every time she attempts to use it) but as many others have said her lack of apology didn't do her any favours.

Still, if the OP is so absent minded that she can't remember to pay for things she takes from the shelves, the solution is simple. Don't take them in the first place.

dementia or learning disabilities would be a defence! Ignorance and absent mindedness would not.
Good point about the intent though - otoh you can be prosecuted for crimes committed due to your neglect - so lack of intent in this case would amount to the same thing.

I'm not suggesting she should be prosecuted, just that she IBU in coplaining about the way &S handled things when they were completely within their rights, and she was completely in the wrong. I would agree that M&S would be heavy handed to prosecute in this case, OTOH there are plenty of shops that have signs up saying "We prosecute ALL shoplifters" i.e. don't use the middle aged boden wearing pillar of the comunity argument on us love.

JH - if someone takes a toddler into a store, and that toddler pockets something or takes something and they leave the store without paying for it, yes, they are stealing and are responsible. Plain and simple. You as the adult are responsible for policing their behaviour in the store. If you're absent minded (sleep deprived, whatever) then make sure you either have some assistance in the store, or choose something for the child in the store that is not weight based, so that if you do open the packet, it is not likely to slip your mind as the packet is in the shopping trolley.

And yes, she intentionally fed the child a banana and left the store without paying for it. She didn't put the banana in her pocket due to a mental disorder and forget it was there.

And I didn't say they shouldn't go into a shop, I said they needed to understand that they are responsible for what they and their children do in the shop. My 2yo DS would most likely happily eat any banana he came across in the store, which is why he is contained in the child seat of the shopping trolley - so that he cannot do so. It's called using common sense - something that is sadly lacking in many today.

So all of the people on this thread, including myself, who have ever inadvertantly left a shop with something, or had their child leave a shop with something, are culpable and should expect to be pursued for the theft. Even if they had completely forgotten about it.

In my case it was when I had a new baby and I found it hard to push the pushchair and carry heavy things in the basket at the same time. A member of staff said that people sometimes put heavy items under the buggy to make them easier to carry.

The next time I went shopping i did that and of course forgot all about the bottle of coke under the buggy. I realised when I had left the shop and went back in and paid for it.

However according to this thread, what i did was theft. It was my fault and as such I should be punished and potentially prosecuted/banned from that shop/all shops and possibly prosecuted.

Human beings are not perfect. Sometimes mistakes are made. Normally shopkeepers take a pragmatic approach to these situations and I am sorry to see that the consensus is that a much harsher approach is appropriate. It does make me sad.

Are you related to john terry?

Is it the same? They had £800 of goods. I had one bottle of coke. Which I went back and paid for (but that's besides the point - obviously I could have been nicked before i had gone back in).

According to a lot of the posters on here yes, it is exactly the same

Sorry jazzhands that was to the OP not you.

Phew...

Any one of the others could be ringing SS, the police and the serious fraud squad as we speak though...

yes Jazzhands, I can see that in certain circu,stances, it might be possible to forget to pay for something. However, in a genuine case of forgetfulness, I would suggest it would be more appropriate to be contrite and apologetic rather than display the bolshy,arrogant attitude that comes across in the OP. FWIW, I can't help wondering how you could forget a banana since presumably there would have been a skin to dispose of?

Well, I guess there are always some people that feel normal society rules don't apply to them......

"However according to this thread, what i did was theft." Yes it was
"It was my fault and as such I should be punished and potentially prosecuted/banned from that shop/all shops and possibly prosecuted." No, but the store have the right to do that. Personally I think it would be way over the top, not in proportion with the crime and intent, and also bad customer relations and publicity. But if they for some reason chose to, they could prosecute you as much as the law would allow.