to say M&S is not family-friendly !!

[GLS]

Hands up if you've ever had one of those moments in a supermarket where your 2 year old is throwing the world's greatest tantrum and you're caught with no milk or snacks. Today I was in M&S at Lakeside. It was packed. My toddler decided to let loose with a super-dooper tantrum so I grabbed a banana to settle him as I tried to do the shopping as fast as I could without seeming like a crazed woman! The check-out queue was a real challenge but luckily a kids mag was the perfect distraction. So I checked out, paid the bill and was leaving the store only to be stopped by a security guard who said "Do you know why I'm stopping you?" I wondered if I'd won some prize like being the 1,000th shopper or something. He persisted in asking me "Do you know why I'm stopping you?" I hadn't a clue. Did they want my feedback on my customer experience perhaps? He escorted me off to a room where I was advised that I had stolen a banana from the store without paying. I had completey forgotten about the banana! After just spending £50.57 in the store I said sorry but you're kidding right? He advised me they were calling the police! After full-on interrogation & full personal data checking, and 30 minutes of ridiculously wasted time, I was advised I was being issued with a letter barring me from ever entering another M&S store ever again, and if I did police action can be taken. I said "Do you know how much I spend at M&S every year?" (the answer is around £3,000+ pa!). I was well-dressed and presented - not your average hoodie with that 'repeat offender' type of look! So there you go. I'm sure shareholders should be worried if this is M&S' practice on mothers! What's your opinion?

YABU - The security guard was doing his job and M&S I expect have a policy that anyone caught shoplifting gets a lifetime ban. (Anyone know if that is M&S company policy?)

I feel you handled the tantrum incorrectly. It would have been better if you had:
Option 1: Put down your shopping basket and removed your DS from the store.
Option 2: Sat down and let your DS tantrum it out.

Getting a food item and giving it to DS is not an option... it is a reward and teaches your DS that if he throws a tantrum, he gets a reward (food in this case).

"I was well-dressed and presented" - so are lots of shoplifters. I used to work in retail and it was often the well dressed people who would shoplift and expect not to get caught.

Also, people would come into the store in which I worked, with a buggy, so that they could steel more items... they could hide them on the buggy - under the child, in a child's clothing (as the child is less likely to be searched).

So sorry... but mothers pushing buggies are something that security guards will watch!

A. Banana.

One. Banana.

Over reaction on their part I think.

In order to prove theft you need to prove an intent to permanently deprive the loser of the property.

Your argument that there was no intent is fairly strong, IMO. Surely the point isn't that she spent £50 and thought that earned her a free banana, it is why would she steal a banana but pay for £50 worth of other goods.

Ridiculous pasting the OP is getting.

I often put things under the buggy. I can't manage alot of items in a basket, I have no strength in my arm whatsover, so the heavier the basket gets, the more I shove under the buggy.

I do pay for EVERYTHING though .

I am a bit that security guards watch those with buggies in particular.
Sorry took over a bit there

have to say I agree with nannynick

shoplifting mums are a big problem

and it is perfectly possible to deal with a tantrum without tucking into unpaid food

in fact, if you have a tantrum prone toddler (as I did) it is much better to teach them that we never eat in shops- saves a lot of hassle

It is irrelevant it was one banana. If every mum who shopped in M&S fed their child a banana they didn't pay for, it would cost quite a bit.

so is it a wind up?Where is OP?

I think you should write a letter, asking them to be more family friendly and offer free babysitting while you are shopping, free toys and books and nappy change for the well-dressed customers like you

Raise those pitchforks a bit higher ladies.

What a fun way to spend a Saturday night.

Bye.

chequersmate - proving theft can be tricky thus why in this case the police didn't want to take action.
The store however is private property and they can decide who they will and won't permit to walk onto their property.

It may have been a banana on this occasion, next time it could be a dress, jumper, or even a laptop (as M&S sell those now). Where do you draw the line... far easier to draw the line at zero tolerance, than say to ignore anything under a certain value.

I have accidentally walked out of shops with stuff a couple of times. Once a bottle of coke which I'd put under the pushchair as easier to carry and once something in John Lewis i gave to DH to carry and we forgot about it.

Both times I went back in and paid.

If I had been stopped by a security guard outside I would have been mortified, especially to be banned for life.

Things like this do happen, and can be accidents. The OP had forgotten about the banana so thoroughly that when the security guard asked if she knew why he had stopped her she honestly couldn't think of a reason.

I've worked in retail too and the people shoplifting are really obvious - they tend to lok shifty and glance around and then really quickly stuff things in places and stride for the door.

The security guard would have been watching the OPs kid screaming, the OP looking panicked and desperately thrusting a banana at it and then clearly forgetting the whole thing.

I think it is remarkably heavy handed as to any bystander ie the security guard it would have been obvious that this was an error not a deliberate act of theft.

Lifetime ban is way OTT IMO as is keeping her and DC and questioning them for that length of time.

"do you realise you haven't paid for that banana" "oh whoops how much is it" much more appropriate IMO.

Before I reply to the OP could I please just state for the record that giving a banana to a 2-year-old having a tantrum isn't a reward, it's a valuable survival technique that has absolutely no bearing on the general discipline regime. Not mine, anyway. Kids have tantrums because they are tired/over-stimulated/bored/overwhelmed by a busy supermarket etc etc, and giving them a little something to cheer them up and keep them quiet while you get the shopping over and done with is not just a sympathetic but also very sensible approach.

So, about that nevertheless deeply embarrassing banana: Be honest - did you decide deep down to 'forget' about it at the checkout? I'm not being judgmental - I've 'forgotten' to pay for a bottle of water in Sainsburys when stressed out and parched, thinking how it so would not matter one iota to a huge supermarket chain forking in billions every year, etc. But it still makes me a shoplifter, per definition, well dressed or not. Never again after reading your post though - oops !

I do think they overreacted massively though. I second the advice to write to M&S explaining the situation and also sending them a token cheque for 50p or something like that. That should cover the banana, and make you feel better, probably. And they might just think hey! there's a recession, and have a word with the jobsworths you dealt with at that particular store...

The thing is it wasn't just a banana (que music) it was an M&S banana ...

You're in good company today or maybe not

Anyway, I'm not clear, who exactly had the tantrum?

Was it a banana grown on a tropical beach with the sun shining down from heaven for 12 hours a day, hand picked and washed in a natural waterfall?

YABU, it's things like this that increase the cost of my shopping. Somebody has to pay for your bloody banana, it aint going to be M&S is it!

I think the OP is another MNer having a larf .

I think it was a troll.
If not you were stealing a banana. Is there a sliding scale of value where it turns to stealing? e.g.they owe you something of small value, but over £1 it is stealing-or does it have to be over £5 before it is stealing? or £10? I never let my DCs have anything beofre it was paid for and certainly not for a tantrum!

I agree with scrooged, M&S don't pay for shop lifters-the rest of us paid for the banana.

you gave your child a stolen banana.got caught and you are affronted

lol behave

you can spin this as a long narrative,and punctuate with how very dare they. elaborate nicely on your nice middle class attire and lack of hood and no ASBO either

Big deal you are a common thief,hun

took an item didn't pay

what kind of role model are you?