To expect our parents to BUTT OUT??!!

[LavenderStar]

DP is Jewish but I am not. It has never been a problem, he was brought up in the faith but it isn't a big part of his life now, although he doesn't eat pork or shellfish. His parents are more religious, don't mix meat and milk, go to synagogue etc. but don't have any problem with the way he chooses to live his life now or with me.

Anyway I am 25 weeks and if we have a boy we decided to have him circumcised. It was never a big discussion between us, I actually prefer it (I think it looks nicer and somehow it seems more hygenic) and DP I think wants to do it more as a traditional thing than anything else and obviously every other man in his family has had it done. I think his parents might go so far as to get upset if we didn't although I don't know. But frankly it is nothing to do with his parents.

Anyway so my mother phones up today even though she knows we are going on holiday tomorrow and have a million and one things to do at home and at work, and I told my dad I would speak to her when I got back. Obviously though what she wanted to do was more important and she told me that she was phoning as something had been "bothering" her. She thinks circumcision is "an unecessary procedure" (to put a baby/child under anesthetic) and potentially dangerous (eg they could cut too much off). I actually don't know much about it but we would have it done in a hospital and I am sure it would be fine in this day and age. I am not sure what it has got to do with her anyway.

My parents don't have a religion and have always been very supportive of whatever I have wanted to do in life. I am not sure if she has started interfering now because I am pregnant or because it is actually something we need to consider more thoroughly. What does everyone think?

Also now I just think it will cause a problem between the families whatever we decide to do and everyone has always got on really well. I don't know why parents think they have the right to shove their opinions down our throat, it makes me really angry. DP's mother is already slightly neurotic and we already have to "manage" her, so I could really do without this, I feel like telling them BOTH to f* off!!

Or is it just my hormones?

Alicet I think that's the most sensible response I've had!

Just going to check out Pecanpie's article ...

PS thanks also RubySlippers.

Vinegar - what I was saying is that I've always led a very independent life. I honestly didn't know if my mum was interfering because it is a big deal (which I now accept it is) or because I am pregnant. But I'm not used to it, so I did feel like telling both mothers to "go away" (to put it more politely) as I have never really had to deal with people interfering/commenting on my life before. Now, I have my mother and DP's family to "manage", which I find difficult. I actually find it hard enough to deal with my own life! I didn't actually tell anyone to f* off - and I am allowed to have feelings you know! I thought that was the point of "AIBU" - to post gripes etc.

Well i think if your title and your op was written a bit more sensibly (ie, please help me in my research on male circumcision to help aleviate my parents concerns. As opposed to, if its a boy we are having him circumcised, but i havent done any research yet, should my parents butt out i want to tell them to f*ckoff) then you may have got a lot more sensible replies

but hey ho

Welcome to parenting LavenderStar. If you manage to get through the next 20 years without either your own parents or your ILs commenting, I'd be very surprised! No longer 'your life' I'm afraid.

Well - we all make mistakes. I was upset at the time, as it was not a good time for my mother to be adding to my things to get stressed about today! But I don't think my OP wasn't sensible, maybe a bit emotional but what woman isn't when she's pregnant!

I admitted the things I didn't know about and accepted people's points where constructive. In my mind the whole point of mumsnet is to have helpful conversations with other women - not try to make each other feel like c* by calling each other names like "immature". We are all here to support and help each other, not pick holes. I was quite shocked by the agressive nature of some of the responses, that's all. I just wanted to keep this thread constructive. I'm not trying to cause an argument with anyone.

Excellent point spicemonster! Lavender - my DP is Jewish and circ'd and we've just had a son. He's not circumcised - DP is not practising, I'm not Jewish, and I think it's too big a procedure to carry out to be like his dad, or because i think 'it looks nicer' (which i do, as it goes!)

Once you see that little teeny wizard's hat foreskin you may not be able to countenance cutting it off. So make no firm decisions now is my advice!

Someone asked how they keep the babies still without sedation as they can't strap them down to the operating theatre. Try typing circumcision board into google images and you'll see how babies are strapped down - its pretty distressing though.

Lavender, you have mentioned the use of the word 'mutilation' as being among the aggressive and unhelpful responses. I think that I was the first to bring that word in.

I certainly don't wish to be unsupportive or unhelpful and I think my posts have been moderate and not aggressive. I really don't think that the use of 'mutilation' is immoderate or aggressive either. It is simply descriptive.

Why bother mentioning it to your parents if the baby isn't even born yet?
If you tell them your every thought and plan then you can't be surprised when they express opinions on them. Keep stuff to yourself a bit more if you don't want comments.
I wouldn't have mentioned this sort of thing to my parents at this stage, if I thought they'd oppose it I'd probably only tell them after the event.

Hi Threadworm. Okay - thanks for the response, although this is what it says in Wikipedia:

"The term is usually used to describe the victims of accidents, torture, physical assault, or certain premodern forms of punishment."

Googled that and found this www.circumcision.org/information.htm

These points disturb me most...
Pain: According to a comprehensive study, newborn responses to pain are "similar to but greater than those observed in adult subjects." Some infants do not cry because they go into traumatic shock from the overwhelming pain of the surgery. No experimental anesthetic has been found to be safe and effective in preventing circumcision pain in infants

Foreskin function and size: The foreskin protects the head of the penis, enhances sexual pleasure, and facilitates intercourse. Men circumcised as adults report a significant loss of sensitivity. Men who have restored their foreskin report much increased sensitivity and sexual pleasure. The foreskin on the average adult male is about 12 sq.in. of highly erogenous tissue

Jewish circumcision: A growing number of American Jews are not circumcising their sons. Circumcision among Jews in Europe, South America, and Israel also is not universal

Male attitude: Male satisfaction with circumcision depends on knowledge about circumcision. The more men know, the more likely they are to be dissatisfied. They wish they had a choice

2rebecca - erm, I can discuss what I like with my parents?! To be honest I just mentioned it in passing some time ago without thinking.

Love the wizard's hat description Charitygirl. When I had ds my feelings about circumcision sort of solidified - e is perfect (as of course is dd) as he is, foreskin and all.

SarahL2 - thanks I will have a read.

he

Why not attend a circumcision and see what it entails before you decide? My Mum was invited to a friend's grandson's circumcision (she declined the invitation). The two boys next to us also had it done as they have a Jewish father and are being brought up in that faith (and yes, they do celebrate Christmas as well)

FWIW, my XP was circumcised as a baby as part of his faith and was eager for this to be done to our baby had they been male. We had many a heated debate about this - luckily we had a dd instead.

I'm with your parents on this one, for a variety of reasons that other's have mentioned.

If you do have it done then please have the mohel give the poor baby a local before it is done.

That's exactly it pooka - they are so perfect as they are! And as we are lucky enough to live nowhere near a desert and with plentiful access to running water, there were no hygeine grounds either!

I know a few Jews who are practicing Jews but who decided not to have a bris for their sons. They have never regretted it.

Milly R have just googled circumciom board

thats barbaric

I think you can discuss what you like with your parents, but have to be aware that discussion is a 2 way process and that if you tell them something they will expect to be able to comment on it and will think that you have involved them because you want their contribution. If you don't want their contribution and just want to get on with a course of action you and your husband have decided on I don't see any point in involving them, especially months before the event.

And how is removing your son's foreskin in a brutal and painful procedure not physical assault? As per you Wiki quote LavenderStar

I've never really looked into circumcision before as I've never needed to but wanted to make sure I knew some facts before commenting on here.

What I've read has got me in tears. It's so cruel. Those poor babies

Nothing could make me do this to my DS unless it was a medical necessity.

I only knew about it because there was a tv programme on about it. Apparently in the US they use the board and don't use anaesthetic (sp?). A woman tried to sue a hospital for circumcising her baby and the judge would not allow a circumcision board to be shown as part of the evidence of how it is carried out.