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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit fed up that the granny's have claimed mother's day?

153 replies

grumblinalong · 20/03/2009 17:48

I've had a rubbish day, I'm feeling pretty fed up after a hellish week and I suppose I am being unreasonable and feeling sorry for myself because DP told me to buy my own mother's day present. I'm going to have a moan anyway.

I feel like mother's day has been taken over by DP's mum and my mum's wants and wishes and I feel a bit pushed aside. We have to go for a whole family Sunday lunch in a stuffy pub for MIL, when I told my mum this she was put out and proceeded to invite us for sandwiches and cakes late afternoon 'so I can see the boys on mother's day.'

DP in all fairness said I didn't have to go for the family lunch but he would have to take the DS's - I do actually fancy seeing my offspring that day though! So now my mother's day is going to be spent driving the kids miles, stressing about keeping them relatively calm in the pub, driving miles again to my mum's and feeling obliged to eat when I'm probably not going to feel like it.

I think that I'll just console myself that it's an over commercial venture anyway and I don't need making a fuss of on a designated day arranged by the card company's to show that my sons love me.

OP posts:
edam · 20/03/2009 17:50

Grrrr at your ILs. Maybe I'll feel different when ds is all grown up and married but I do think it's unfair to decide that a MIL takes precedence over the mother of a small child.

My mother's away on Mother's Day so I don't have to send flowers this year, hurrah!

pageturner · 20/03/2009 17:51

No, you're not being U. At all. DH and I both send cards to our mothers and will ring them, but other than that it's MY day! Mind you, we did make the brilliant very difficult decision to live 200 miles away from both of them!

(Though, to be fair, neither are demanding of attention on Mothers Day at all.)

Lindenlass · 20/03/2009 17:51

YANBU

My MIL has often made comments about seeing us on Mothering Sunday but my mum, who is fab, says 'Lindenlass, you don't need to come over here or make a tea for me, this is your time to enjoy being a Mother'

squilly · 20/03/2009 17:54

YANBU. I have the same kind of thing with MIL usually, but this year dd (now 8) has decided she wants to be with her mum. So I get her here with me

I hope you manage to sort your day out so that you and your ds's have a good time.

kickassangel · 20/03/2009 17:55

you could always emigrate. it's what we've done

oldraver · 20/03/2009 17:57

Sorry I would put my foot down with your DH. He needs to help your DC's make it a special day for you. Your Mum and MIL have had their time and are frankly being selfish

Would your DH actually take your sons off to see the MIL...on his own ?? Yet not bother with a present for you ?? A word on priorities is needed I'm afraid

squilly · 20/03/2009 17:57

LOL Kickassangel. That seems a bit extreme to me

bamboobutton · 20/03/2009 17:58

yanbu, i've even seen mothers day cards for grannys in the shops, im my ds's mum, not my mum!

it's turning into "everybody gets a card" day!

FlorenceofArabia · 20/03/2009 18:00

YABU. It's just an ordinary Sunday really. I'm taking DD to a birthday party and don't feel put out that the party is on my special mothering day. Couldn't care less.

southeastastra · 20/03/2009 18:02

blimey i agree, already sent one to mil from my sons. one year we forgot and she rang and asked where it was.

onepieceofcremeegg · 20/03/2009 18:03

grumblinalong I really agree with you. I have had to work mother's day in the past (am a nurse) and this year I am off and plan to spend it with the 2 dds and my dh.

My mum is away (abroad). Mil is local and had a horrible undignified tantrum last year when dh took her a lovely plant and card round the night before because due to circumstances we couldn't see her on the actual day. (for her at has to be teatime, at her house, no room for compromise or negotiation). Dh is undecided about what to do this year for her. Possibly we could go round late afternoon but this would mean her being all cold that we didn't come earlier.

I dread it. All of these family occasions bring out the absolute worst in my mil tbh. Unless she gets her own way completely then she throws sulks, slams the phone down, swears at dh and generally makes a real fool of herself, as well as stressing everyone out.

Original poster
grumblinalong · 20/03/2009 18:06

It would look like I was making a point if only DP went for the meal, I don't have (many) axe's to grind with MIL so wouldn't want to be conspicuous by my absence IYSWIM.

I suppose I should have been a bit more assertive - you're right about them having their time oldraver. It's been me doing the small children bit for the past 5 years.

OP posts:
noonki · 20/03/2009 18:07

YABU on one level -I personally am hoping for a cup of tea in bed, a scribble picture and a cuddle. Not necessarily in that order.

I think it has got ridiculous; presents,meal out, etc...

but YANBU to be annoyed at MIL as you are the one doing the current mothering.

MargotBeauregardesGavel · 20/03/2009 18:09

Oh this used to strike me as unfair too.

When I was not just a mother but mothering two tiny children, my xmil used to be the queen bee. We went to the pub/restaurant of her choosing nearer to her house etc etc...

Thank God she's my xmil the mad ol' witch.

I don't mind sharing with my Mum though. Cos she's nice.

southeastastra · 20/03/2009 18:10

that's true noonki, it should be for mothers currently mothering otherwise you just miss out completely .

onepieceofcremeegg · 20/03/2009 18:12
random · 20/03/2009 18:12

My eldest dd is 30 and im still mothering [interfering old bag emoticon]

Original poster
grumblinalong · 20/03/2009 18:13

I'd be happy with that too noonki, in fact that sounds lovely

I just don't want to feel that I've spent mother's day hot, flustered and crabby with the ds's...which I can see coming with the meal, travelling and visits.

Plus I am a bit that we have to pay for a meal AND a present, it's all a bit over the top for my liking.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/03/2009 18:16

It does sound a bit ridiculous- I think grandmothers should get a card, maybe some flowers etc, but the obligation to visit is a bit much. It's like "family Christmases" where you have to appease at least two sets of relatives and never get a chance to set up any traditions of your own.

I love my mum to bits and she does a lot for me, but I was a bit to be told by my dd that she wants a spa voucher for mothers day- she knows I have lost my job, and I'm happy enough just to get a homemade card from my kids, so why am I being expected to shell out like it's a major birthday? Gah!

QuintessentialShadow · 20/03/2009 18:20

I find it amazing that grown women can be so jealous of the "new mother" that they insist that THEIR day is more important, they have had a life time of mothers days, isnt it time they abdicate?

Stretch · 20/03/2009 18:21

Well, it's my DDs birthday so I have to share anyway! MIL has decided to go to her DPs mother so that saves us a hassle!

And we are having a family meal for birthday and mothers day at the local harvester! (I love the salad cart!) Us lot, my sister, brother and his girlfriend and mum and dad! Brilliant!!

BitOfFun · 20/03/2009 18:23

Oh feck off Stretch, this thread is for curmudgeons

Cammelia · 20/03/2009 18:23

grumblinalong it isn't invented by the card companies its actually part of the Christian calendar

NotPlayingAnyMore · 20/03/2009 18:27

"We have to go for a whole family Sunday lunch in a stuffy pub for MIL"

Er - no you don't

"DP in all fairness said I didn't have to go for the family lunch but he would have to take the DS's"

No he doesn't, because she's not their mum as well - you are!

YANBU to be fed up that they're expecting this from your family, but YABU if you LET them claim it.

Triggles · 20/03/2009 18:28

I have to say I think it's a small sacrifice. My FIL just passed away a couple weeks ago, and I am happy to spend a bulk of Sunday with MIL, who is a wonderful woman and has had an incredibly difficult time recently. She is, after all, the one who raised my DH to be the wonderful DH that he is, so I'm grateful to her.

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