to be a bit fed up that the granny's have claimed mother's day?

[grumblinalong]

I've had a rubbish day, I'm feeling pretty fed up after a hellish week and I suppose I am being unreasonable and feeling sorry for myself because DP told me to buy my own mother's day present. I'm going to have a moan anyway.

I feel like mother's day has been taken over by DP's mum and my mum's wants and wishes and I feel a bit pushed aside. We have to go for a whole family Sunday lunch in a stuffy pub for MIL, when I told my mum this she was put out and proceeded to invite us for sandwiches and cakes late afternoon 'so I can see the boys on mother's day.'

DP in all fairness said I didn't have to go for the family lunch but he would have to take the DS's - I do actually fancy seeing my offspring that day though! So now my mother's day is going to be spent driving the kids miles, stressing about keeping them relatively calm in the pub, driving miles again to my mum's and feeling obliged to eat when I'm probably not going to feel like it.

I think that I'll just console myself that it's an over commercial venture anyway and I don't need making a fuss of on a designated day arranged by the card company's to show that my sons love me.

NotPlaying makes an excellent point there- why don't you just wave him off to lunch, keep the kids home, and say you'd like him to make you dinner? He should call in on his mum if she doesn't live hours away, but if you send her the signal that your children will spend your mothers day with you, it will get much easier with these kind of boundary issues.

yabu, plenty of people would love to have their mothers day taken over by their mum, but can't

My mum and MIL are both dead and I will be celebrating them as well as myself and wish we could do it all together.

Not IN the altogether you understand.

my mum died but i still get her flowers. it never ends

I must be lucky here, I phoned Mum up to arrange to see her (can't go Sunday, befriender coming for DS1- yay) and she pointed out it's my Mothers day. As she ahs three daughters all Mums and no sons, I thought that was kind- by her eckoning she could have spent it without seeing any of us. but my Nan was a bit of a harridan so Mum works hard not to pressure us. but we're meeting for coffee tomorrow afternoon as a family, should be nice.

DH's lunatic mum OTOH gets the most vomity card I could find (flower fairies > and a gift through the post, she'd get nowt if he did it as she'll never acknowledge it- it'll vanish into the ether like everything else).

I would love to have a mum to visit

Going to mil's. Don't resent it at all. I take the view that I have the joy of mothering everyday while the children are small - she's a widow and might enjoy a bit of fuss once in a while. I genuinely do take the view that "I don't need making a fuss of on a designated day arranged by the card company's" (and dh is taking me to the River Cafe on Tuesday!)

If my Mum was local I'd take her for lunch, as she's not we're taking my outlaw and I sent my Mum a card. I may be a mother, but I'm also a daughter and love my Mum and the outlaw Mum is lovely. I have bought the card for Grandma and will prob end up getting her the flowers too. Hopefully I'll get breakfast in bed and a handmade card with Daddys help. It's a day of not being selfish isn't it? Look after your own Mum and inlaw if you like her and if something nice happens to you be grateful. You'll be Grandma too one day and I bet you won't want your children to forget you.

'It's a day of not being selfish isn't it? '

I agree, I think you should cherish mums while you have them, not say that they are redundant it is your turn! All have a nice day together.

grannies

No, no. In my house grannys are having SATURDAY as their day for treats and seeing the grandkids and all that malarkey.

That leaves Sunday for me to have a massive lie in and order everyone around all day, as one should on Mother's Day.

The mothers who are dealing with the day to day drudge of small children should take priority, not those with fully functioning independent adult childrn.

Just don't go. Put your foot down. Say you want to relax at home with your childrne.

I'm a bit confused.

You mum or your OH's mum don't stop being mums because you have grown up and had some children!

In a way I feel that mothers day is far more important now. My own DD I see all the time (she's only a toddler) and I get to see that she thinks I'm nice etc. A card or something from DH will be nice etc.

But as I have now grown up and don't live at home etc I now see less of my own mum, and now I have a child of my own I appreciate more what she has done for me/my bro. Plus I am old enough to actually get her something myself.

I think it's more important now than ever in a funny sort of way, to show her that she is still loved and appreciated even though I have my own family now.

No, YANBU. Grannies should have their own special day and leave Mother's Day for the new mothers. What I really hate though is the cards for aunties on Mother's Day. The main point of our secular modern Mothers' Day is to thank all mums for their love and selfless hard work throughout the year. how can aunties justify having the same status? If my DH sent his DSis (who rarely ever sees my DC) an auntie on Mothers' Day card he'd be my ex because I'd feel that I was being devalued. It's MY day not hers. How would she feel if I expected her DH to send me a DSIL card each Xmas?
Phew! Rant over. Am going to have a lie down with the smelling salts.

We are going for lunch with the in laws for mother's day for about the 7th year in a row. Usually it isn't that much of a problem because my mum is normally working but this year for the first time she isn't and this year I am actually a mum and I don't want to go for lunch with the in laws. It was never an option not to as the MIL just booked it...I have had words with DP to make sure it doesn't happen next year!

Would be happy to see my MIL for an hour or so but as it is she always manages to irritate me! She is arriving on a flight from a few days away at 5.30pm on sunday so told me (not asked!) that we could pick her up and then she would come for tea at ours afterwards. Too tight to pay £15 for a taxi (at least a 40 min round trip for us) and then we all have to wait to eat until about 6.30 (with 3 little dc's). When I pointed out it would be tea time she said I could get dh to pick her up while I get the tea ready! Unbelievable!

Jazz Hands, I utterly agree. Sorry you've had a rubbish week Grumblin, but maybe your mil and Mum have too. I bet they'll love to see you and your kids. You are still a daughter and your dh is still a son. He is leaving a bit too much up to you, but that's not his Mum's fault.
It's up to your dh to help your children be lovely to you all day and help with them so you've less to do.
One day the grandmas won't be there and it'll be all about you, but til then it's a christian festival and you don't have to be religious to "be christian" which to me means being kind and selfless. If you can't feel that way then commercialism has won.

I firmly believe that what goes around comes around and that if you treat your mothers as if they are special your DCs will do it in turn. If you insist that it is 'your' day they will do the same. I can't see why you can't all share and have a nice day together.

I find mother's day a pretty stupid(and commercial) day. You can not force other people (husband and children) to be grateful.
I am glad that my mum always said that she didn't like it (tbh, I call her every year, just in case, if she would be offended if I didn't call). You have to work 364 days a year just to get breakfast and flowers on one?
My husbands family is totally different: He has to celebrate mother's day, since he is a child he gets her flowers, says a (stupid) poem and since a couple of years he is even baking a cake for her. And this didn't stop when we moved to England (we're from Austria). Every year now, they come to visit us around the second sunday of may (when we celebrate mother's day). Last year they had dozens of "reasons" why this weekend was best and it seemed to be just a coincidence that it was also mother's day. This year they will come too, at least there weren't anymore stupid excuses why it had to be this weekend. I'm wondering if that will continue for the rest of my life or if this is the last time as we are expecting our first child.
Anyway, I will certainly never make my children being grateful because they have to!

Advise her that Grandparents day is sometime in October (now that definitely is a made up by the card companies one) and make her wait.

Mother's day is for mothers, not Grand-mothers!

YANBU

Grannies have had their whole lives between arrival of their own children and arrival of the grandchildren to have a fuss made. I remember making a huge fuss of my mum year after year, especially when primary school age. Yes, I will get my mum a card, but now I have little ones and am doing my mothering, then it's not going to revolve around Granny. Sorry if that sounds selfish, it's just how I feel . Mothering is a HUGE part of my life at the moment and far less so my own mother's right now. At this particular stage of my life it seems to be my job 24/7, so heck yes, I reckon one day a year I deserve some fuss. Still, we'll see what happens!!

If there was a grandmothering sunday, then that would be a whole different issue .

Um, by definition, surely grandmothers are also mothers. We don't do a big thing really. But reminding my mum that she is very much loved and admired comes pretty high up my list of priorities for the day TBH.

So when the children fly the nest then you are not a mother any more? You have to wait until some of your children reproduce and then you are a grandmother and that is your new and only role?

Let's wait and see when all of us are in that position....

OP: YANBU to want to spend mothers day with just you, DH and DCs.

Yes you should be kind to MILs and our own mothers but not to the detriment of your own happiness. Every day you are running to the beck and call of your DC. I think its nice (if rather commercialised) to have a day when we do get spoiled by our families and made to feel special.

I cannot believe how all these MILs get to have so much control. I really feel for anyone stuck in this situation. My MIL sadly passed away a few years ago but she would never have put me in the situations that many of you find yourselves in.