Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit fed up that the granny's have claimed mother's day?

153 replies

grumblinalong · 20/03/2009 17:48

I've had a rubbish day, I'm feeling pretty fed up after a hellish week and I suppose I am being unreasonable and feeling sorry for myself because DP told me to buy my own mother's day present. I'm going to have a moan anyway.

I feel like mother's day has been taken over by DP's mum and my mum's wants and wishes and I feel a bit pushed aside. We have to go for a whole family Sunday lunch in a stuffy pub for MIL, when I told my mum this she was put out and proceeded to invite us for sandwiches and cakes late afternoon 'so I can see the boys on mother's day.'

DP in all fairness said I didn't have to go for the family lunch but he would have to take the DS's - I do actually fancy seeing my offspring that day though! So now my mother's day is going to be spent driving the kids miles, stressing about keeping them relatively calm in the pub, driving miles again to my mum's and feeling obliged to eat when I'm probably not going to feel like it.

I think that I'll just console myself that it's an over commercial venture anyway and I don't need making a fuss of on a designated day arranged by the card company's to show that my sons love me.

OP posts:
Lawks · 21/03/2009 09:54

Am I understanding this right? People's mothers expect a mothers day card from their grandchildren?

That's silly.

piscesmoon · 21/03/2009 10:06

I agree Lawks she is not the mother. In the same way I am not sure why people think their DH should put them first, when they are not his mother. It is only your DCs who should be giving you a special day, admittedly when small DH has to arrange it.
My mother has never dictated anything, I have never dictated anything so if I had a DD I doubt whether she would dictate anything. People dictating things should take care that they are not doing themselves the very thing they are complaining about!

brettgirl2 · 21/03/2009 10:09

Yes, I tend to agree with that pisces.

Triggles · 21/03/2009 10:09

Well, isn't that just it though? People are irate because they are demanding the day to themselves, and they don't want to share the limelight with someone they feel is (also) making demands? Funny, but these will probably be the same people that are complaining their adult children never visit them or ignore them on Mothers Day years from now.

mrsturnip · 21/03/2009 10:19

good grief, what on earth is wrong with a home made card? When did mothers become such Princesses? I blame Princess and Toddler car parking spaces personally.

Blarbie · 21/03/2009 10:52

Pisces Moon - Hear, hear!!
Brettgirl2 - making other people happy makes me happy
Just give a little love and it all comes back to you na na na na na na na/Bugsy Malone?

brettgirl2 · 21/03/2009 10:56

Making other people happy makes me happy too - to a POINT. It is very easy to go past this and just start doing what others want all the time - that is a mistake.

hatwoman · 21/03/2009 11:07

I agree with piscesmoon at 8.33. In fact I'm quite shocked by people (who have mothers) who think mother's day should be all about them. I adore my mum, she's a great mum and a brilliant granny. Mother's Day is a chance for me to recognise that explicitly. It never occured to me that this was somehow incompatible with my children, should they wish, doing the same for me. for me it's a chance to tie the generations together, not to divide us all into nuclear family chunks that exclude other generations. If Mother's Day is about celebrating motherhood (which, of course, it wasn;t initially, but let's say it is now) then restricting it to young/childless children and their mothers is really quite ridiculous

piscesmoon · 21/03/2009 11:54

It is the homemade cards that I treasure mrsturnip-wonky, gluey daffodils made with egg cartons etc are all in the loft!.

BitOfFun · 21/03/2009 11:56

To be fair, the scenario that the OP brought up was that she would be spending all day travelling with fractious children to see MIL- there isn't much opportunity there for her children to show appreciation for their own mum, never mind give her a relaxing day. I sort of see that the dh should see his mum, but taking the kids and wife seems excessive to me, and tbh, if it means him travelling all day and basically leaving his wife to a day of childcare on her own, then that's not fair either.

Nobody is suggesting that adult children shouldn't make a gesture to thank their mothers, but really I think it should be a day where the mum of young children with all their puking, wailing and constant demands should be given a break and made a bit of a fuss of.

piscesmoon · 21/03/2009 12:05

If her DH wants to do this I would suggest that she had today as her special day instead-if she isn't going to church for it Sat is the same as Sunday for observing it.

Triggles · 21/03/2009 12:33

I just find it amusing that she says she doesn't want to do it, then says she doesn't need a specific day for her anyway. If she's not bothered by having a specific day for herself, why fuss about it then? It obviously is important to both her MIL and her own mum. No point being a martyr about it. I told DH not to bother going to the trouble of getting a gift for me, as DS is only 2yrs and not old enough to purchase anytyhing for me - and I'm not fussed over it. But he insisted. That's fine, but sometimes I think people just go overboard over Mother's Day and Father's Day. I appreciate regular everyday consideration from DH and children more than a bunch of society pressured consideration on one day per year.

sarah293 · 21/03/2009 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 21/03/2009 12:46

I would definitely do that in your shoes Riven!

sarah293 · 21/03/2009 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pamelat · 21/03/2009 12:52

I wonder whether I have been too reasonable (for once in my life). DD is 14 months.

We are having both sets of grandparents (so my mum too) round for tea and my own grandparents!! We are cooking for 12. It seemed the only way to keep "everyone" happy.

compo · 21/03/2009 12:58

if your mum does loads of childcare for you for free then she deserves thanks
my siblings live closer to my mum than me and she helps out with school runs ect so imo they should be more thankful than me
I send a card and a pressie

independiente · 21/03/2009 13:03

Good god, I am so very lucky with both my mum and MIL. They wouldn't dream of being so... ridiculous! Consequently, I expect I will be like them.

pulapula · 21/03/2009 13:52

If i were you, I would be more annoyed with your DPs attitude- expecting you to buy your own present from DCs and wanting to take your sons off to see your MIL to keep her happy (i would tell him to go on his own really). He should be putting you first on mothers day as you are the mother of his children.

That being said, I think its important for me and DH to see our mums too and give them cards and small gifts, so we are all popping over to see my PIL sometime tomorrow, and then to see my parents on Monday (they live 1.5 hours away). I am sure my mum will find tomorrow tough as its the first mothers day since her mum passed away but i hope we will cheer her up on Monday.

Gemzooks · 21/03/2009 14:29

YANBU but I can imagine it must be a bit crap when one's active mothering days are over, waiting for your card and feeling a bit useless. oh dear! I can see why it's nice to make a bit of fuss of the grandmothers because they don't get that much from their kids anymore..

piscesmoon · 21/03/2009 15:54

'He should be putting you first on mothers day as you are the mother of his children.'

I must be a bit thick but I thought mothers came first. You come first to your DCs but your mother comes first to you. I may be a lot of things to my DH but I refuse to be his mother! When our DCs were little he needed to organise them, but now they are old enough to sort themselves.

pulapula · 21/03/2009 16:02

But piscesmum, if mothers come first as you say, then what right has he to take OPs children away from her on mothers day when she wants to spend time with them. That is not putting mothers first. By all means he should see his own mother, but not take OPs children with him just to keep his own mum happy- it would make me that he puts his mum's feelings before his own partner's...that is what i am trying to say. And if the DCs are too young to buy presents or cards, he should be helping them make some (or buy something on their behalf). Not just say for OP to buy her own

pulapula · 21/03/2009 16:03

Sorry piscesmoon for getting your name wrong

piscesmoon · 21/03/2009 16:13

A good point pulapula-I think it needs compromise and you all go out together or you take the Saturday as well and have a day each.

shabster · 21/03/2009 17:25

LOL my DS, his DP and their little lad came to see me today!! Just a flying visit and a box of chocs!! This will be my DIL first Mothers Day.....Awwww she is a fab mum.

Swipe left for the next trending thread