To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

there are many things that make you a good role model.

I've never read that on here tbh. And esp not in the sense that you're implying it's being said anyway, in that mum's who work are good role models regardless of their other attributes.

As Hecates says, lots of things make a good role model for children, I'm not sure that SAHM/WAHM particularly comes into it.

I've never read that either.

Never ever seen that on here, or heard it in RL either for that matter.

I happen to think that it's probably good for kids to see both parents working at some point in their lives, same as it is good for them to see people get angry, say sorry, show good manners, be generous etc etc.

I think people probably mean a degree of focus, organisation and financial independence on the part of the mum when they say this. What do you think?

95% of women who work only work for the money...fact.

so i guess that is a good role model isn't it?...better than sitting around being poor.

exactly. i mean, i could argue that working full time outside the home is what makes you a good role model because you are teaching your children the value of working for what you have, independence, work ethic...

you could argue that working part time outside the home is what makes you a good role model because you are providing something for yourself, while balancing the needs of your family in terms of time spent work/home

you could argue that working from home is what makes you a good role model because you are earning your own living while still being on hand, available and flexible

you could argue that being a sahm is what makes you a good role model because you are making a choice to put other things on hold while you focus on the domestic front and you personally do all the things the children need doing.

It's all a crock of shit. What makes you a good role model are your morals, your love and your caring and your attention, how your child sees you treating other people, how you treat your child, being honest...

I have seen it and it's usually because it seems like the only acceptable line of defense as a working mother on mn.

You are "allowed" to say you are doing it to be a good role model, or if you "have to" (cue huge discussions saying "well if you gave up a few things are were less selfish you would be able to stop work".)

You get shot down flames if you dare to suggest that maybe life is not all about giving up everything for your DC or god forbid that you might actually like going out to work.

Well I'm just a selfish cow. I went back to work mainly because I wanted to. Oh, and there was a small issue of us needing the money.

It never crossed my mind that by going back to work I was going to be a role model for anyone.

There are different things you can do that make you a good role model. I was a good role model when I was a SAHM I am now a good role model in that I work hard in the public sector.

I've not seen that on here, but have seen it on other forums and it did make me really .

Being a good role model is totally subjective - personally I think that I am being a good model for my DDs (all four of them!) if I take time out of my life to be there for them while they are growing up. It's not a sacrifice, it's what I want to do and believe is right - I didn't have children for them to spend all their time in childcare, I had them and am responsible for bringing them up. I'd like them to grow up thinking the same thing.

What I also want them growing up knowing is that this is a choice that they are very fortunate to be able to make and that women didn't always have that choice. And also that we happen to have chosen for DH to be the breadwinner and me to be the SAHP - not because I am a woman, but because that is what works out best for our family.

I think I am being a good role model by showing my children that making choices based on what is right for your family is more important than any cultural expectations of how a family should live and that includes the expectation that because a woman has the right to go out and work, and because there is childcare available, that the woman should be working outside of the home.

I've read that on here certainly

And yes YANBU.

Throwing yourself into what yur role is, treating people ith respect, having dignity and a sense of responsibility.

Other things in life are often determined by other circumstances, but those things the majority of us can control.

I have seen it on here too. I can see your point.

I do think that mothers who work are being (or can be, obviously depending on other factors too) good role models for their kids - DDs and DS equally. They are modelling a good work ethic, and showing children that its impoirtant to contibute to society in some way.

On the other hand, mothers who stay at home can be excellent role models to their kids (DSs and DDs - not sure why either would benefit more than the other?). They can teach their kids all sorts of skills and life lessons, the skills of keeping a home (budgeting, cooking etc etc) have lots of time to build relationships with them, and might also teach them ways to be involved with the community - eg helping elderly neighbours. (NOTE: Don't bite - WOHMs can teach these things too - by definition, they will have less time to do it).

SAHMs also teach that caring and nurturing of children can be an important, valuable full time 'job'. Great lesson.

I do agree that its an odd thing to say you are being a good role model " to my DD". I think either way (WOHM or SAHM) you are modelling to your DD and DS, and both DDs and DSs can benefit from both models.

My DC have plenty of great role models of WOHMs and SAHMs. Unfortunately we don't know any SAH Dads, and that is a role model I would love to have for my DC as well.

I think that going out to work to provide for your family does make you a good role model, if kids do not see people working for a living they can be less likely to want to do so for themselves. I have taught lots of children who have no intention of working because they do not know anyone who does.

Of course there are exceptions to this and some people genuinely cant work.

I think people can say that if they want, doden't bother me in the slightest.
I have been a carer for 14 years and have to well adjusted dc's.

Tangent: - I wonder if those who want to work "to be a good role model to DD" would feel that a SAHDad would be a bad role model for their DS?

twinset - totally agree, but I don't think it needs to be the mother who models that to the DD nessesarily. A Dad who works hard outside the home and a Mum who works hard at home can medel worth ethic, as can a SAH Dad and WOHM.

Riven, bless your DH, what a great role model he is to your LO.

I don't think there is a real problem (in my circles anyway) with our DDs not having exposure to working women and the choices on offer - rather, I think it is our DSs who are lacking in a diversity of good male role models. I suspect my DD will grow up feeling like she has a lot more choice than my DS will, unfortunately.

I don't get how caring for your children isn't working . We don't live off benefits as an alternative to me working - DH works very hard, as do I.

Also, how on earth can it be said that bringing up children is not contributing to society????? It's the biggest contribution you can make, producing a well-balanced adult fo it!

And what about voluntary work? Everyone talks about earning a living, but lots of SAHMs volunteer - does that not count because it's not paid, and because your children don't need to be in childcare for you to do it?

I think HaventSlept has a point: people say it on here because it feels better than to say, I work because I like it, I work because I get bored at home, or indeed any other me-related reason.

The truth is, I do work because I enjoy it, I do get bored at home, I like the status and the adult company of the workplace- but when I'm on MN I feel that I need an excuse that is about dcs, not about me. A total lie of course, it is about me

agree lindenglass (are you arguing with someone, or just excited? I think more or less everyone has agreed thus far!)

Me too cory