To leave DD (10) home alone for 4 hours and expect her to cook lunch for our return

[Quattrocento]

Well, AIBU?

DD literally begged to be left home alone

But the dd didn't want to have fun with her family or be with friends. So hardly poor girl.

I really don't like the invocation of 'kids these days grow up too fast, let them be children, etc'.

She was cooking lunch. Because she wanted to. How is that a bad sort of growing up? Cooking is a perfectly innocent (and rather useful) hobby.

I am all for them being children as long as possible, but I think that it is peculiar that they have to be treated as if they can't do anything on their own or that they always have to have their mother supervising every move.

Quattro, she sounds wonderful. I can't imagine DS managing a carbonara by 10, supervised or not. Far too clumsy.

I really would have loved a morning like that at that age. And I'm a very happy balanced sociable and reasonably successful woman now!

This is Sam Stern's first book for those interested. He has a couple more, they've been a big hit with my DC.

ROFL - at kids these days grow up too fast. I'm willing to bet that far more of my generation (1970s kids) were cooking proper meals by 11 or 12 than this generation.
They cook because they enjoy it ffs, not because their parents are trying to make them into Victorian servant girls.

Squiffy - DD1 is in Y7 and had her first cookery food tech lesson this week. It was fruit salad. Chop up four pieces of fruit, put in bowl, pour small carton of fruit juice over. WTF?

I remember that being allowed to stay in the house on my own at that age was a huge treat and a sign that I was considered sufficiently Grown Up.

This is my 1st time on AIBU, lovin' it.Good to know the horror of others wont lessen as my kids get bigger.A friend who wasat my house at bedtime was horrified that DD 18 mnths, undressed herself and put clothes in washbasket.Hadnt really occurred to me that this was not what all kids did.

DSS's are 7 & 8, they enjoy making lunch,sandwiches,soup,beans/egg on toast for the family, and clearly have great sense of achievement from doing it. Am so glad have found likeminded mums - finally feel am not alone in my desire to bring up self sufficient, confident children.(And also in desire to be able to get my life back more and more each year!)

Quattro...In some countries, children are earning the family income by the age of 8. Surely a 10 year old can cook a meal without causing collective hysterics?

Children can do almost anything without causing collective hysterics - so long as you don't post it on MN!! It's hillarious here... you get everything from 'She's 10, poor thing shouldn't be left alone in a padded room', to, 'Yes she's 10, she should be running a B&B I was!!' LOL

My Goddaughters always cooked a lot at home, alone, from a young age and it's doing them the world of good now they are at Uni and are able to feed themselves more than Pot Noodles.

Disclaimer: Not all 10 year olds should be either left alone or allowed to cook... some are just a nightmare waiting to happen, but as parents WE should be the ones to decide when they are ready!

"A friend who wasat my house at bedtime was horrified that DD 18 mnths, undressed herself and put clothes in washbasket." - horrified? Why? Did she think some dreadful harm lurked in the washbasket?

Habbibu - there's every chance there would be, four skanky males in the house!!

Not sure what was so horrifying...was a couple of sharp intakes of breath, followed by 'does she have to do that herself every night?'
Just to clarify, DD was not in anyway upset,just happily copying older brothers.

"A friend who wasat my house at bedtime was horrified that DD 18 mnths, undressed herself and put clothes in washbasket."

God, my husband is 31 and still hasn't mastered that.

I'd be horrified at the washbasket thing. I'm currently tearing my hair out trying to re-teach DS that not all clothes need to go in the washbasket just cos they've been worn once!

at 'has to do that'
DD's havea washbasket in their room next to the changing table, they both know clothes go in it. DD2 is only 17 months and not mastered anything ebyond pulling trousers down but she likes to 'sort' washing.
I ahve MMOC's problem of everything going in there though.
DD1 helps set the table and dish up. She's 3, IL's were ed at that but she offers she feels gorwn up to take cutlery out and randomly place it lay it out and then always takes hers and DD2's drinks out for me.
If a child wants to do soemthign that may seem a bit grown up for them, then why stop them?

Habbibu - I get that a lot. LO (now 23 months) is great and has been since she was a lot younger, does loads for/by herself and people are always amazed/shocked. It seems like they think it's cruel for me to 'allow' her to put her own coat/scarf/gloves/shoes, washing in the basket, put toys away etc - I think, they think, I have had to beat her to get her to do it... she is also very talkative and thinks things through for herself, but people act as though I am not allowing her to be a baby... I don't get it.

Jack - the little ones are far easier

MaryMother - LOL can I make it worse?! - LO actually knows that vest, tights etc go in the wash and to ask about the other things.... LOL sorry!

Get over your smugness! I was left alone at same age (in bleak 70's) and had to deal with phone call from A&E informing my family my aunt had been in serious car crash. Technology could not help me contact my father so sat waiting a good couple of hours with this news. I really hope this would not happen today but it only takes one flat mobile battery.......

I do find it a bit odd that many of you seem to think it is ok to leave a child of 10 unsupervised in the house for any period of time. the legal age is 13 and with just reason. Don't get me wrong, the fact she can cook is great but I for one don't advocate leaving young children in a house unsupervised let alone cooking unsupervised.

sorry to be the party pooper

English law does not specify an age when a child can be left unsupervised. However, parents may be prosecuted for neglect if they leave a child alone ?in a manner which is likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health? (Children and Young Persons Act, 1933).

It's not illegal jbakedbean.

yuck yuck yuck at swimming and ballet. I could turn out a chicken roast when I was 10, as long as mum made the gravy. I don't understand this urge to prevent accidents by refusing to teach our children safe ways of doing things. By that logic, we should never teach them to drive, because only people who drive crash cars. Only people who leave the house get hit by buses.

The legal age is NOT 13, the legal age for leaving a child IN CHARGE OF OTHER CHILDREN is 13. There is no minimum legal age to leave a child unattended, for the precise reason that children are all different.

JackBauer, be patient with your dh. All children develop at their own rate.

I think she's a bit young, actually, but clearly she had a great time playing house and it did no harm.

That having been said, I was in the kitchen the other day with DS (age 11, very sensible, can do basic cooking) and he managed to nearly set fire to the microwave with me standing right there thanks to a little science experiment involving grapes and an inappropriate melamine bowl that I had not approved. I had a discussion with him about the inadvisability of cooking unsupervised on the back end of this. He seemed quite chastened by the turn of events.

Actually there is no legal age to be left in charge either. There is no specific law beyond the 1933 one MaryMotherof Cheese cited. Even the NSPCC only objects to children under the age of 12 being left alone (during the day). If you have a babysitter (sibling or otherwise) under 16 the children remain your responsibility. Over 16 and it is the babysitter's responsibility if anything goes wrong. However that doesn't mean it is illegal for an under 16 year old to be left in charge.

at jackbauer's dh.

Mumto2, you can rest assured that DD is not neglected. She has a multitude of friends, relatives and activities. She doesn't do swimming any more (retired, she says!) but she does tennis, hockey and netball quite seriously plus piano. Which is part of the reason, I suspect, that she wanted a lie-in on one of the few match-free weekend mornings.

The legal point has been addressed already. I'm not sure what to make of the "one flat mobile battery" point, except to say that it would have required three flat mobile batteries (mine, DS's and DH's), plus my mobile charger not working plus the neighbours all to have spontaneously combusted along with her granny who lives a 10 minute walk away.