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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD (10) home alone for 4 hours and expect her to cook lunch for our return

227 replies

Quattrocento · 14/03/2009 14:20

Well, AIBU?

OP posts:
BonsoirAnna · 17/03/2009 15:19

I did a cookery course in Italy with a very authentic Italian sort of teacher about a hundred years ago (well, 1985) and we definitely put cream in our carbonara, as do lots of recipes in books.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 17/03/2009 15:24

Have not read the whole thread, but have no qualms about leaving the DC (11, 9) single or together for a couple of hours, and to fix themselves food if hungry during that time. Would not ASK them to make food for the rest of us on our return, but then just haven't considered it, and actually I rather like the idea! Will raise with DS1 (11) when he comes home from school, I think he would be quite keen. Also - basic first aid, they have always known what to do in the event of getting burnt (because they make toast sometimes, and each HAS burnt himself - only once! ).
They know they must not under any circs heat up oil for an omelette etc, but can do stuff in the microwave. (And they remind ME that when they moan life is unfair I tell them that if life were fair they would be having to support six yonger siblings in a dust bowl in Africa, and so tehy are perfectly capable of making htemselves a sandwich from the fridge...)

MarshaBrady · 17/03/2009 15:27

Cream is not used in Italian recipes, but is used in the United States[6][7], France and the United Kingdom.[8] - wiki.

apparently.

BonsoirAnna · 17/03/2009 15:38

Marcella Hazan, who is normally reasonably authentic, uses olive oil and wine but no cream.

But since the recipe is supposed to have been created when Allied soldiers brought eggs and bacon to Rome after WW2, maybe international variants are authentic too?

frasersmummy · 17/03/2009 16:27

I am really suprised that loads of people on here think its fine for a 10 year old to use a cooker unsupervised

I am all for bringing up confident independant kids but I think at this age kids should be supervised in the kitchen

BonsoirAnna · 17/03/2009 16:37

frasersmummy - don't you think it depends somewhat both on the personality of the child and the type of kitchen? Some kitchens/equipment are much easier and safer to use than others.

Starbear · 17/03/2009 16:42

Oh! I love historical cookery lesson two for the price of one.

frasersmummy · 17/03/2009 16:48

Of course everyone's kids and circumstances are different and every parent knows their kids better than anyone else

I am not making judgements on anyone.. I am a great believer in "walk a mile in my shoes"

I am just genuinely suprised so many people think this way

talbot · 17/03/2009 16:50

I'm with you frasersmummy. As I said previously, I was cooking from a very young age and come from a long line of cooks, professional and otherwise. Similarly my own children are all proficient at cooking and more than capable of producing a meal. I would never howver let my 10 year old use sharp knives, carry boiling water or cook on the stove without an adult present. I have had too many cooking accidents myself to contemplate it.

piscesmoon · 17/03/2009 19:12

I have a lot of admiration for the Scouting association because they let children do life skill type things. When my DS was a patrol leader they had a cookery competition (a yearly event). When it was his turn to organise it each group had to produce a 3 couse meal and it was judged. They got a card the week before to say which country's food they were doing. If they didn't like it they could put the card back and take a different one but they had to keep it whatever and couldn't swap back to the first. He pulled out India and I thought 'great, nice and easy'but his patrol decided they didn't like hot spicy food.They then got Turkey and were stuck with it. We got cookery books from the library and he settled on an ambitious menu. The pudding was a sort of deep fried doughnut, he tried it out at home (I am never keen on deep frying myself -all that hot fat). He then had the whole patrol cooking, including the 10 yr olds. Perhaps the parents of the younger ones didn't appreciate that they were cooking a meal under the direction of a 15yr old.

FairLadyRantALot · 17/03/2009 20:05

well...fwiw, there is a lovely carbonara slimming world recipe using Aldis lean ham cubes and greek yoghurt...plus eggs...

katiestar · 17/03/2009 20:23

i wouldn't be happy for my 10 yr old to boil a pan with enough pasta for a family meal,with no-one else in the house.Such a pan is HEAVY and for a ten yr old who is smaller and not as strong as an adult, I think it would be a lot more awkward to take it off the heat and drain it.
I am sorry but I think you are being a bit irresponsible and haven't really thought this through properly

katiestar · 17/03/2009 20:23

i wouldn't be happy for my 10 yr old to boil a pan with enough pasta for a family meal,with no-one else in the house.Such a pan is HEAVY and for a ten yr old who is smaller and not as strong as an adult, I think it would be a lot more awkward to take it off the heat and drain it.
I am sorry but I think you are being a bit irresponsible and haven't really thought this through properly

FairLadyRantALot · 17/03/2009 20:28

katie...op's dd served up after the family rturned and was, presumably, not alone whilst pasta was drained....

Original poster
Quattrocento · 17/03/2009 20:35

This was lost before, I think, but I did explain that we teach the DCs to fill the kettle and take the kettle to the saucepan rather than the saucepan to the kettle. Obv we were there when she dished up but wouldn't have had any qualms - she's dished up rice and pasta often enough ...

Am seriously surprised that there are some ten year olds out there who can't use a cooker.

When do you allow children to cross roads then? Are they allowed to do that at 10?

OP posts:
katiestar · 17/03/2009 20:59

Who is saying 10 year olds don't or shouldn't use a cookern or cross roads ?
I do think its important to recognise that size and strength of a child make some tasks (such as carrying pans of hot food much more difficult and therefore dangerous for them.They should not be alone in the house when they do it.
Seriously if your child slipped or tripped and spilt a hot liqid down their front ,wouldn't you rather you were in the house to call for help while they were immersed in cold water ?

frasersmummy · 17/03/2009 21:39

of course crossing the road is dangerous but there is a big difference

if a 10 year old is hurt crossing the road someone will notice almost immediately and you would hope get them some help

If a child is alone at home for 4 hours and they get hurt in the first 30 mins then it could be 3.5 hours before someone notices.

Thats a long time to be hurt scared and alone

Ivykaty44 · 17/03/2009 22:25

Actually crossing the road is different, it has something to do with spacial awarness? How fast the car is travelling the younger children cant tell and this lasts until the children are about 12 - so more dangerous than being left home but for scentific reasons on the crossing the road.

Teenagers are also bad at actually looking before they step into the road/off the curb and this can be a dangerous time - thus the adverts warning teenagers of the potential problems.

Anyone alone in a house that hurts themselves could be alone for a long time before being found this is true whatever age. C arry a mobile with you at all times, make sure your neighbours are aware when you are in the house on your own.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 17/03/2009 22:30

I went out to pick the younger children up this afternoon leaving the 11-year-old alone in the house for an hour with the front door wide open.
And the only thing that bothered me was not is this OK to do but what would Mumsnet think?
The paranoia parenting is starting to get to me.

Original poster
Quattrocento · 17/03/2009 22:32

Don't let it - it's all madness.

DD has been crossing the road alone since she was 8. Her spatial awareness is very good though (not that I knew that spatial awareness had anything to do with crossing roads, of course)

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 17/03/2009 22:32

Why did you leave the front door open?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 17/03/2009 22:36

Ivykaty, because of the kittens! For reasons too complicated to explain they can't use the catflap yet, but they need to get out and run around so we leave the front door open for them.

Ivykaty44 · 17/03/2009 22:45

Is that why you had to leave your dd home so you could leave the door open for the cats...

I picked the jem up about spacial awareness form somewhere. My dd does go out and cross the road along and she has been playing out for a good two years now (10years) but in the busy mornings I always tell her to go to the lolipop man as I am far more concerned about the road crossing at busy time than other things.

Told my dad about this thread and he told me the first time he was left alone was in 1944, he was 4 - there was a war on and he lived in London, and his mum went to the co op, the lady next door (upstairs flat) kept and eye through the window.

He cleaned the lino with the front door red polish!! He was helping mother

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 17/03/2009 22:48

No, I had to leave DD home so she could watch Friends. And recover from double PE!

PMSL at your dad and the red polish.

My mother says her parents used to go to the cinema every Saturday night and leave my seven year old mother and her baby sister at home alone.

Ivykaty44 · 17/03/2009 22:56

My dad encouraged me to have a lot of freedom, my parents went out gfor a meal in a saturday night most weekends and I was left home watching the tv from the age of around 9-10. I would make jam tarts when they were out and watch Dallas I wonder if making jam tarts is in any way dangerous - it was all I could cook until i was about 17