To leave DD (10) home alone for 4 hours and expect her to cook lunch for our return

[Quattrocento]

Well, AIBU?

This thread illustrates what is best about Mumsnet

To answer the op, I can't quite decide whether Quattro was BU or not - I don't think it's possible to decide without knowing her dd (who is obviously very accomplished) - but it's great reading all the different viewpoints expressed here

I think if you show that you trust your children then they will trust themselves ie this is what gives them confidence (this is a bugbear of mine because my mother never trusted me to do anything and that legacy stays with you in to adulthood)

On the other hand I'm not sure I would be happy with a child of 10 alone in the house carrying a heavy pan of boiling water to the sink (it can be tricky)

On the other, other hand ... my nephew (aged 13) still asks his mother to get him a glass of milk out of the fridge

I'm vacillating as usual ....

"Chapeau" to your dd though Quattro

ooh, counting, does that mean I get some brownie points because my 5yo ds can get his own juice from the fridge, put it in a glass and carry it over to the sink to top up with water?

It's just a shame he's decided it's much more fun to incorporate his toy food mixer... I can see disaster beckoning!

He loves pretending to be a waiter, laying the table and serving food (with a tea-towel over his arm). I'm not sure how old he'd have to be before I allowed him to go near a hot stove or kettle, but will have to get a lot taller before it's safe.

very true piecesmoon....totaly agree with your statement...

i hope your comment was not directed at me edam, i said, and i quote, " i think it is actually illegal ", did you not read the think bit, i certainly did not insist that this was the case, in fact i googled and came back to say that those who said it wasn't against the law where right

I would be the 'common sense' party, BoffinMum!
I wouldn't actually leave a 10 yr old to cook while I was out, but I think you have to try and overcome your own fears and let them do things outside your comfort zone.
All successful children's literature(after you get past the Alfie, Annie Rose stage),is about children being resourceful on their own-adults are either entirely absent or very shadowy figures in the background. If you think of 'The Railway Children' throught 'Swallows and Amazons' to 'Harry Potter', it has always been the same. There must be a need for it from children.

lol edam - hope your walls and ceiling have survived

my dd loves taking orders too but the dish of the day tends to be wooden cake or plastic fruit!

further vacillations on op:

thinking about this some more, I reckon it is far preferable to leave one ten-yr old to cook unsupervised at home as opposed to two!! That WOULD be a recipe for disaster

Definitely going to step up the cordon bleu training as a result of this thread though...

'How can we teach children to be adults unless we allow them freedom'

She's 10, not friggin 18 lol!

IMO you were wrong and slightly irresponsible to leave her unsupervised to cook a hot meal, I mean, we're not talking cheese sandwiches here are we?

I think it's fab that your dd is so into cooking, and even better that she seems so enthusiastic about doing it. Good for you to encourage her. However, I still would not leave any child of the age of 10 to prepare and cook a hot meal, where there is a cooker, knives etc involved, when there is not an adult to supervise. Regardless of how well they knew the neighbours. It's not the neighbours responsibilty to take care of your dd if somehting had happened, it's yours.

Yes it's important to let them get on with things and to be independant. But she is only 10 years old and she is a child. She should be supervised in a kitchen if cooking.

YABU

no, not you loopy, other posters who made the same erroneous point more forcefully. Happens every time there's a thread about leaving children alone - would be interesting to find out why so many people think they know something that just isn't true.

Catchastar, re. the neighbours - at 10 I was at home alone with my sister making a snack when the toaster caught fire. I'd seen Blue Peter so knew you didn't put water on an electrical fire but didn't have a thick blanket to smother the flames - tried a damp tea towel but that just caught fire too. Sent sister to get next door neighbour who put the tea towel in the sink and unplugged the toaster. Mrs Jones was lovely about it and didn't mind at all - better to help us out than have her own house in flames!

Of course neighbours aren't responsible for your child in the sense of being childminders but any adult who doesn't help a child in a crisis is a pretty shit human being.

Am curious-did she offer to /want to cook lunch or, as in your thread,did you expect her to organise lunch-the two are slightly different...Having said that, your dd sounds great. My ds is 10 and i have left him in the house alone, as he enjoys the peace, but only for approx 45mins. 4hrs seems too long imo.I also tell him not to touch the kettle etc. I know dc can have an accident-eg,burn themselves/fall etc while under adult supervision, but to me, this feels different to it happening when there is no adult presence.How would it come across, say to A&E staff,if your dd had burnt herself-explaining she had been left for 4hrs and used the oven,(i think it may be seen differently if dc was say, 15yrs).Does anyone else have experience of this, as much as my ds likes to be in the house, i do wonder if im doing the right thing.

Am curious-did she offer to /want to cook lunch or, as in your thread,did you expect her to organise lunch-the two are slightly different...Having said that, your dd sounds great. My ds is 10 and i have left him in the house alone, as he enjoys the peace, but only for approx 45mins. 4hrs seems too long imo.I also tell him not to touch the kettle etc. I know dc can have an accident-eg,burn themselves/fall etc while under adult supervision, but to me, this feels different to it happening when there is no adult presence.How would it come across, say to A&E staff,if your dd had burnt herself-explaining she had been left for 4hrs and used the oven,(i think it may be seen differently if dc was say, 15yrs).Does anyone else have experience of this, as much as my ds likes to be in the house, i do wonder if im doing the right thing.

Sorry-not sure what happened there...

catch, 10 year olds (especially senseible ones) are capable of a lot more than you seem to give them credit for

Well 10/10 to your dd for being able to make such a lovely sounding lunch and actually wanting to! My ds is nine and I'm desperately trying to encourage him into cooking but he's lazy not that interested right now. I've just about managed to get him to put some bread in the toaster but he didn't have a clue how to spread the butter! I really don't want his future partner moaning at me for not teaching him anything! My neice is nearly twenty two and still expects her parents to cook her meals (she even rings them before she leaves work and tells them what she wants for when she gets in ) Having said all that, I personally wouldn't leave a ten year old at home cooking tbh.

Dd2, 10, loves cooking and always has. She is perfectly capable of using the oven, knives etc. However, personally I wouldn't contemplate leaving her at home alone to do this.

Mine would have done at 10. The oldest is now 15 and claims to be unable to cook anything more complicated than a sandwich, while the 13 yr old makes pasta every.damn.time. Bloody useless children. The 11 yr old still cooks passably well though. When I think the oldest could and would do a full English breakfast at 4 and 5 years old, I could grind my teeth...

What with crispy bacon and all? And fried bread?

Yup- it was his favourite meal for a while, so there was a lot of motivation there. He made scrambled eggs a lot before that. Obviously at that age he was supervised, but woe betide us if we attempted to help more he needed!

I'm being a little harsh on his current abilities- he still frequently does a cooked breakfast, just not for us as well any more! The children used to bring us breakfast in bed when they were 10, 8 and 6. They loved it! Hasn't happened for ages...

He knows the theory of a lot of good dishes, but declines to apply to real life situations... Claims he has too much homework and other stuff going on. I just think his priorities lie elsewhere... < sniff >

My 9 year old cooks full English breakfasts for us all and often cooks dinner because he wants to.

My 10 year has his heart in the right place but is too chaotic.

I trust my nine year old to cook when I'm not in the kitchen but I wouldn't be happy if I was out of shouting distance, just incase.

Nah, didn't expect her to cook lunch. Just phrased the title of the thread like that to ensure some splutterings of outrage ...

She offered. The plan originally was that all of us would go to this choral doodah, and have lunch out. DD reshaped our plans entirely, but that's okay.

I'm interested in the naysayers. When do children get to peel an apple then? When they are 13 with a medical team on hand just in case?

Its not that we dont want them to learn to cook,just that we see it as our job to ensure they are safe so would like to be on hand should anything happen. No need for sarcasm we are all entitled to our opinions.

Im all for independence. Good on your DD and good for you letting her have some responsibility. Its like most things. If you teach them correctly then at that age they should be pro's (cooking i mean!) My DD is under 3 and loves to help DH prep and cook. She has her own little knife which doesnt cut skin, but cuts everything else; beats me! I am sure when shes 10 she will have the confidence and sense to do it and be careful, i would hope. Its about using your own discretion (hence the law).

Every child is different and who better to judge whether they can stay home alone, with or without having to cook, clean or whatever, than their own parents and certainly NOT everyone else to judge whether they are now considered to be irresponsible parents or not....!!!

mum2- "safe" also and mostly includes helping them to grow up with a healthy lifestyle. They are far more likely to suffer longterm from poor cooking and independence skills than from any small accident they might have while learning these things. This is what so many children in this country are missing out on in childhood. This is by no means widespread in most other countries in the world. Only in the UK are we so obsessed with health and safety (ironic in a country with so few natural hazards as this) that we are prepared to prevent them from doing anything with the smallest amount of risk.

I would not have left my DD. So many things could go wrong, not turning gas off, spilling boiling water down herself etc etc.
I have just renewed my Paediatric First Aid and part of it was on burns. It was very distressing to see the number of children burnt through boiling water.

Were these children with burns left alone in a house or where their parnets around when the accident happened?