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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD (10) home alone for 4 hours and expect her to cook lunch for our return

227 replies

Quattrocento · 14/03/2009 14:20

Well, AIBU?

OP posts:
citronella · 14/03/2009 17:03

Well I'm glad it all went very well and your DD is clearly a great girl but

YA still BU. Would it have been worth the risk if something had gone wrong? 10 imo is too young to be alone.

morningpaper · 14/03/2009 17:15

oooer glad it went well although I wouldn't do this - I spilt a cup of hot tea over myself when I was 11 and had to be whisked off to hospital because my teeshirt melted to my stomach and when I stripped off, all my skin came with it

SO much damage from just one cup of boiling water - couldn't move for weeks and it all went black

So wouldn't allow littlies alone with boiling water PERSONALLY

Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/03/2009 17:42

No - not a joke thread. Entirely true. I did think I would get a lot of shock and horror though.

Yes, have always cooked with them and progressed to getting them each to cook a meal at the weekend in any event. They get to choose what they cook. Usually, as I say, with me hovering in the kitchen (with DS) or banished to hover outside the kitchen (with DD).

Children can do lots if you let them.

OP posts:
lljkk · 14/03/2009 17:45

That's cool, Quattro.
DS (9yo) could rustle up omelets if asked.

KatyMac · 14/03/2009 17:45

Very impressed and proud of you

How can we teach children to be adults unless we allow them freedom

I assume you were in contact by phone & had a back-up plan if the phone were not answered (eg neighbours)

silverfrog · 14/03/2009 17:47

good on you (and your dd) [smile.

I could have done this at 10, but I was the one always out at activities, so never left alone - my brothers got all that instead (and did rustle up cooking too)

totally agree that children can do lots if you let them - I am always shocked when my stepchildren (19 and 17) looked at me in shock when I gently suggest they take a turn at cooking - they are both still at the "helping" stage, ie peel a few potatoes and then scarper!

Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/03/2009 17:48

Oh yes, I phoned her four times until she told me to stop bugging her. And she knows all the neighbours very well in case of emergencies.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 14/03/2009 17:50

You could send her round to my house!
I think that people underestimate children.
It would be interesting to know how many people would allow their DCs, aged 10,to cook a meal when they were in, and not interfere.
My DS had a phase of it and I just checked we had the ingredients and said that he could do it if he cleared up after himself, he was into making cakes rather than meals. Sadly the phase didn't last all that long.

ABetaDad · 14/03/2009 17:56

morningpaper - that is what I am really worried about.

PlumBumMum · 14/03/2009 18:02

I was going to say YABU, but then I remebered I used to be laft home for longer than that and fed myself at that age

MaureenMLove · 14/03/2009 18:04

Wonderful. Only you know the capabilities of your dd, no one else. I probably wouldn't have let DD cook in the house alone at 10, but I certainly do now and have done for about a year. She 13.

When DD cooks for us, I sit contented and silently say to myself, 'my job here, is done!'

citronella · 14/03/2009 18:06

Of course children can do lots if you let them but accidents do happen. You are not even talking about leaving her playing in front of tv for 1/2 hour, 1 hour or even 2 hours. You are talking about her being allowed to work in a kitchen with heat and knives without a responsible adult on hand to supervise albeit at a distance.
I could never forgive myself if something went wrong because it would of course only go wrong on the one occasion I had left my child.

piscesmoon · 14/03/2009 18:10

I think that you need to be in the background in case you are needed, but they should be able to manage without you hovering.

Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/03/2009 18:11

It's a fine and individual balance between taking proper and reasonable care and being overprotective, isn't it?

Yes accidents happen. But I felt sure that DD would be equipped not only to cope with the cooking but with being able to get help in the event of a cooking accident - burn or scald etc. She has cooked a lot.

OP posts:
melpomene · 14/03/2009 18:12

I agree with morningpaper. I wouldn't want a child using the cooker or boiling water without an adult in the house. There's also the risk of items left close to the hob catching fire (my dh nearly set fire to the kitchen by leaving a kitchen roll near the hob while he was cooking, and he's an adult. It's quite easily done.)
It's great for children to cook, but IMO they need an adult around because if there's aan accident a prompt response could be vital and even a few seconds could make a difference.

piscesmoon · 14/03/2009 18:17

I would be around but I wouldn't cook with them in the same way that you would a 5/6 yr old-I was just there for advice or emergencies.

FairLadyRantALot · 14/03/2009 18:29

if I expected ds (12) to cook lunch it would probably be supernoodles that I would be getting....must say, as we have a gas cooker, I don't like him cooking when alone....
but he is alone all the time now....

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 14/03/2009 18:59

my dd (10) and my ds1 (8) can both cook but they're only allowed to do it if I'm in the room or in the room next door.

Well done to your DD

Original poster
Quattrocento · 14/03/2009 19:05

Just asked DS (8) the following questions:

  1. Would you feel comfortable home alone for 4 hours? He said yes in the daytime.
  1. Would you feel comfortable cooking a meal without me being there? He said yes but only if it's something he's done before.
  1. What would you do if you burnt yourself on a pan? He rolled his eyes and told me he would run it under cold water and phone me.

In some countries, children are earning the family income by the age of 8. Surely a 10 year old can cook a meal without causing collective hysterics?

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 14/03/2009 19:06

ah well QC - that's where things have changed since we were children, I think. Children today wouldn't be allowed to do half the things that no one thought twice about when I was a child. I don't always think that's a good thing.

Ivykaty44 · 14/03/2009 19:13

Good for you, and good for dc to tell you to stop bugging her! Glad you enjoyed the meal

FairLadyRantALot · 14/03/2009 19:34

no hysterics from me....just wouldn't trust my son to use our cooker totally unsupervised...he can be a bit in his own little world...that is all...

2rebecca · 14/03/2009 19:52

I wouldn't leave a 12 year old alone in the house for 4 hours, let alone a 10 year old. Def wouldn't expect a 10 year old to do much other than pot noodles and sandwiches for themselves

slowreadingprogress · 14/03/2009 19:58

I think their level of independence sounds fantastic and well done for fostering that. I do think though that a ten year old really should have an adult on hand when cooking.

Personally I think it would have been better to set her a challenge of getting say, a cold buffet together and concentrating on making a beautifully presented table with folded napkins or something. Just as fun and empowering for her and much safer.

kittywise · 14/03/2009 20:02

great that she cooks, not great to leave alone cooking though.