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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it really annoying when people are openly smug about how quickly they fell pregnant:

144 replies

freddysteddy · 11/03/2009 16:20

e.g. at toddler group this AM three women who feel pregnant first months of trying (or accidentally in one case) discussing their amazement that it took a mutual friend 8 months to get pregnant.

FFS.

I thank you.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 11/03/2009 16:22

Hmm. It took me six months to conceive each of my two girls. But then I fell pregnant accidentally, although miscarried, and fell pregnant first cycle after the miscarriage.

So these gals may sadly find themselves eating their words down the line.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 11/03/2009 16:22

I dunno. Some people are very tactless. It's not like you've any control over it! They didn't do anything special (well, beyond the obvious ) to achieve it, did they? Luck of the draw.

CarGirl · 11/03/2009 16:23

People can't help how quickly they fall pregnant, it is unfortunate that they were ignorant that 6 months is considered quick - isn't 12 months considered "normal" or "average". They were insensitive about the long long road many people face TTC but being super fertile isn't a walk in the park either.

southeastastra · 11/03/2009 16:23

it annoys me when people say 'he only has to look at me and i'm pg' yeah right

nightshade · 11/03/2009 16:26

well lets face it, in todays age you are not allowed to discuss anything at all that you may have had no problem with, as it may offend those who have.

if you have successfully breastfed, given birth naturally, have a child without illness, without behaviour problems, no debt, no relationship difficulties and generally a pleasant life, then you must keep it under wraps and pretend that everything is less than hunky dory!!

sorry to be so cynical but it is very difficult now to openly express your happiness that lady luck has shone upon you!

MorrisZapp · 11/03/2009 16:26

I don't get what they were insensitive about. Why is it sooo wrong to discuss any happy aspect of pregnancy? Surely when all the people who have endured unhappy experiences relating to childbearing reach the desired goal themselves, they'll be over the moon too?

I don't have kids anyway, but it seems you're better off not speaking from the day you start trying to conceive until they day your kid gets kicked out for smoking skunk, in case you make somebody else unhappy.

Odd way to expect other people's conversations to be conducted imo.

Oblomov · 11/03/2009 16:27

YABU.
Its not their fault that thye fell pregnant immediately.
Its IS their fault that they are stupid enough to not realsie that they are unusual.

And I am just the person that southeastastra hates. I have fallen pg 3 times. each time, it was the very first time of having sex. why should I apologise for this. its not my fault that I am fortunate.

MorrisZapp · 11/03/2009 16:27

totally agree with nightshade.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 11/03/2009 16:28

I think smugness is very often in the eye of the beholder.

Doodle2U · 11/03/2009 16:28

Bloody hell - can any one say anything anymore?

Original poster

freddysteddy · 11/03/2009 16:28

"openly express your happiness that lady luck has shone upon you!"

You can do that without ragging someone else for taking 8 months and speculating about whats wrong with therm though cant you?

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 11/03/2009 16:29

Perhaps they aren't being smug. Perhaps they are just amazed at their good luck and upset for those for whom it took longer.

I conceived v quickly. I never felt smug, just lucky. Apart from the last time when I was and distraught (for a while)

stleger · 11/03/2009 16:29

I had a friend who had the 'only had to look at me' line, but had a string of miscarriages. Then a healthy baby! I'll let her off, but nothing beats dh's cousin who was doing up a house, finally got her staircarpet, then became pregnant as the house was finished. (Everyone is allowed to be unreasonable after a year ttc in my opinion!)

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/03/2009 16:30

It's stupid of them to be amazed at it taking their friend 8 months, but I don't see why you can't be happy to have concieved easily.
Having said that, I am biased because we did, but I don't feel that I should have to be embarrassed about it or hide our joy that we were able to have a baby exactly when we wanted one.

I would never ever talk about it though with friends who were trying to TTC - or who I even thought might be TTC.

Strawbezza · 11/03/2009 16:30

YANBU, what skill have these first-time conceivers demonstrated?

TBH, I think lots of women understate how long they take to conceive. Or make out that they weren't "really trying".

CarGirl · 11/03/2009 16:30

Oblomov same here really. First one occurred despite using 2 methods of contraceptive, the 2nd only one type, 3rd & 4th were conceived immediately we started trying.

Yes we're very fertile and I'm very very grateful for it although the pregnancy scares aren't so great........

MorrisZapp · 11/03/2009 16:31

The OP has breezily bragged smugly about attending toddler group with blatant disregard for the pain of the people who would dearly love to have a toddler but don't.

Can't you be a bit more sensitive, OP?

compo · 11/03/2009 16:31

I agree with nightshade and oblomov
but obviously you were the only one there who knows how much ragging went on

beanieb · 11/03/2009 16:31

most people who announce a pregnancy get asked questions like 'were you trying for long' and so in response those kinds of questions a reply saying it happened straight away could be seen as smug but I'm sure it's not always meant to be.

Were they discussing it with you or was it just a conversation you overheard?

I know when you've been trying for ages it's irritating having to hear how other people got pregnant straight away but it's unavoidable sadly

Lizzylou · 11/03/2009 16:31

I fell pg very quickly with both my boys, now I don't want to be pg it is not a blessing, believe me. I agree with Hecate, it is hardly something I am going to put on my CV.

It is something that I don't tend to discuss in public though, as I have friends/family who have tried for ages/still trying/just had miscarriages.

OracleInaCoracle · 11/03/2009 16:31

not long after i had my ep my cousin fell pg with a one night stand. she then openly discussed having an abortion and said that she hoped she would mc. that bothered me.

i tend not to worry too much about people who talk about how quickly they get up the pole. its the ones who moan about it that bother me.

SusieDerkins · 11/03/2009 16:31

I'm not sure that you've got their "sumgness" across. Perhaps they were just "comparing notes" and were surprised that someone of a similar age/weight/lifestyle etc took so much longer than them.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 11/03/2009 16:32

Actually the average is 6 months, if you take the number of people who eventually go down the IVF route etc then they have to be a large number of people who do get pregnant very quickly.
In fact I don't know anyone who took more than 3 months and my friends and I aren't spring chickens.

It doesn't sound like there were being smug at concieving quickly but I am not sure they should have been gossiping about anyone else.

Original poster

freddysteddy · 11/03/2009 16:32

Fuck me you lot don't half go on.

Haven't you got anything better to do than awing away on here?

OP posts:

Original poster

freddysteddy · 11/03/2009 16:32

Fuck me you lot don't half go on.

Haven't you got anything better to do than jawing away on here?

OP posts:

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