To find it really annoying when people are openly smug about how quickly they fell pregnant:

[freddysteddy]

e.g. at toddler group this AM three women who feel pregnant first months of trying (or accidentally in one case) discussing their amazement that it took a mutual friend 8 months to get pregnant.

FFS.

I thank you.

right - deep breath - i want to apologise to chainstitch.

ive had a chance to calm down and my post was unfair. i still think that you were insensitive, however i know nothing of your situation and it was a kneejerk reaction, born out of my own frustration with my circumstances. so if you do come back to this thread, im sorry.

Gosh, what a loaded thread. I am amazed so many should feel so personally about it. But then having children is a deeply personal issue even for those who aren't yet parents. And this is what this is all about isn't it? People take it as a personal attack when they hear things like this but things can so easily get taken out of context.

For example, the ladies chatting this morning were all in the same boat having found it easy to conceive and were talking about a friend who had taken 8 months. But that friend was not there. So is it very fair to assume they were being tactless or thoughtless because it was a private conversation which was overheard by freddysteady, and their friend wasn't there? I would be inclined to say no. Unless of course, freddysteady was actively involved in their discussion and they were aware that, as an example, freddysteady had taken 8 months or longer to conceive.

It is always very dangerous to get involved in sides where comments were made in certain situations as it is so easy to take things out of context and then to presume people will behave in a certain way based on throwaway comments. (It would be horrible being someone in the public eye as your whole life would be led like this wouldn't it?!) I try very hard to always think of both sides of a story when my children tell me about something that has happened where I wasn't there to witness what happened. And then to advise them as objectively as I can recognising that I do have an instinctive maternal response to want to protect them which can mean feeling biased towards their side of the story.

Hmm, my asterisks don't seem to work very well...

Ah ha! Yes they do!

Bugger. No they don't...

moshimoshi, you need to asterix both words like this like this

You have to do them either side of each word. Good post incidentally - the first one I mean

Ah ha! Thank you.

sasybeast your post made me laugh out loud!!

I'm currently offending lots of people with my ability to concieve - I'm currently around 4 months pregnant with no. 2... DS (No. 1) is now 9 months old and, to top it off, my DH works in Russia all week so we really don't see each other that much!!

I've had all the standard comments - how the hell did you manage that to have you got a fancy man etcetc.

But, to be fair, I spent 8 years with DH honestly believing we would never have kids because it just never happened for us..

then, out of the blue... DS appears (unplanned) and No 2 is on the way (even less planned!)

So, things can (and do) change... I've gone from 'never gonna happen' to 'he just needs to sneeze on me'

It can happen, so for those of you waiting / trying... please stay positive and (if I have any advice) it would be to get out of your normal routine - DS was concieved when DH and I took off to the west coast of America on an extended trip (to get married and honeymoon)

HM

This is one of those things where you're never going to please all of the people all of the time, and your reaction to overhearing such remarks is very much going to depend on your own circumstances, experience of pregnancy and emotional state at the time.

Were I to overhear it ? ....... hmmm ..... would probably depend on how I was feeling on the day .....

I felt very "smug" (though didn't shout about it) when I fell pregnant within 6 weeks of TTC at the age of 43. Not so smug when I lost it 7 weeks later ...... then "smug" again (though it really isn't the right word) when I fell pregnant a 2nd time 6 weeks later a month shy of 44. What do they say about pride coming before a fall ? ...... 'cos I lost that baby too 7 weeks later as well.

Now I just feel "stupid" (not smug) for congratulating myself on conceiving at such an advanced age (and am struggling with how much I am "allowed" to feel upset, given all the known increased risks etc when you're in your 40s).

Am still TTC but am petrified I have well and truly missed the boat now.

Hearing stuff like that ........ in one respect it's hard, but if it were strangers, perfectly understandable ..... pregnancy is something to be excited about after all. If it was a friend who knew what had happened to me, then I guess I would be saddened she had been tactless but it's a very fine line. Any woman who wants to be pregnant herself - and would be delighted if she fell - could hardly deny another woman's excitement ....... I have (and am currently) forced myself to show an interest in friends' pregnancies because I would hate their experience to be sullied by my grief (or envy) and genuinely believe this is the right thing to do. Though I doubt I would be able to do that had any of those friends been spectacularly boastful about their fertility.

catsmother, what a great post. totally agree.

Er, 'overheard'

No, it was a conversation I took part in.

How very strange of you to assume it was otherwise.

nightshade...I think....has said it well...I also would like to add that no one should dare to comment about heighgt/weight/skin- or haircolour/ bumpsize....and much more....because, well, people wil take offence at their own leisure.....I can see how that movie Walli is becoming realityt ya know....

Haribosmummy - you should bottle some of whatever it is you have and sell it

i know someone who talks about her infertility problems and difficulty in conceiving. she is pg with her third child. her first is 4yo.

really fishie? send her over to mn's ttc boards!! especially the hut

Chainstitch, those are posibly the most insensitive, and ill thought out posts I have ever read on Mumsnet.

I really wish I could bottle my fertility and pass it around to all those struggling. I am very blessed and very aware of probably being a minority.

There's something going around at the dd's school, they've average 1.5 pregnancies per academic year and there are only 6 teachers!!!!! They thought they'd got rid of "the" chair when they refurbished but no no no another 2 pregnancies announced recently!

I have friends who are having trouble conceiving, so I would never 'boast' about getting pg easily as I know it would be hurtful to them. Now I know what I know, there are some questions I would just never ask people.

I agree it is silly of these women to be surprised that it taks some couples 8 months. That doesn't even sound like very long to me.

And falling easily doesn't guarantee a successful pg either, so they are being a bit previous.

I think the way the OP described the conversation is insensitive, but on the other hand should women who do conceive quickly have to keep it a secret? I've conceived very quickly on two occasions and was shocked both times, but I feel that I'm on tenter hooks (sp?!) when friends are talking about length of time it took to conceive. When I do say it was quick I always say so sensitively and then move on.

that doesn't annoy me.

What annoys is when women say "It took us ages to get pregnant, six months." Ages? they have no idea.

"silly bint poaning about how long it takes to get pregnant." What a horrible horrible thing to post chainstitch. Some advice for you, have you considered having your tubes tied and your husband having the snip. Both of those combined will relieve you of your burden of fertility.