To find it really annoying when people are openly smug about how quickly they fell pregnant:

[freddysteddy]

e.g. at toddler group this AM three women who feel pregnant first months of trying (or accidentally in one case) discussing their amazement that it took a mutual friend 8 months to get pregnant.

FFS.

I thank you.

charitygirl, I don't agree that it is thick or ignorant to not know that 8 months is quite a normal time to take to conceive.

We're all bombarded with the propaganda as kids: don't have sex, you'll get pregnant!!!!

I think it's actually a very harsh wakeup call when people like me (38, first time ttc) realise that in fact, you aren't guaranteed pg from each shag.

My DP still takes offence when my period arrives. In his world - sex equals pregnancy. It's what we're taught relentlessly when we're younger, and most of us have no reason to unlearn that until we ttc ourselves.

i genuinely dont think its lack of tact. its just that they are fortunate. before we started ttc dc2 i had no idea about mc's and the like. when i had my ep i was totally taken aback, because it would never have happened to me. my 2nd mc was the hardest to deal with, because it would never happen to me. what im saying is that people rarely think outside the realms of their own experience. and things like ttc problems are always supported by anecdotes, you know the sort of thing "i know a woman who was ttc for 30y, she got pg on her 54th birthday and then had 4 sets of triplets within 4y. all of whom are fine. and you know she only had 1/2 a fallopian tube don't you?"

I agree that they would never think it was boasting as such, they are lovely people (they are my friends after all )and they are only all agreeing that for them falling pregnant is a piece of piss. It is just so hard when they all chime in with their stories of knocked up ease. You end up feeling a failure even though I rationally know that there are loads of people who really struggle to concieve. I am jealous really.

I've just remembered I'm still 37.

But my point remains!

But in all seriousness, it's pretty unpleasant hearing someone being attacked for their perceived lack of fecundity.

It's nice when people fall pregnant when they want to though.

Oh that's different bamboo, you're entitled to those feelings, god knows.

I feel envious of others all the time but for mainly embarrassing superficial reasons like 'My life would be perfect if I was a size 12 like her, it's not fair aaaaaagh' etc.

Fingers crossed for number 2.

I have everything crossed!

lissie, exactly.

Problems such as MC are so common, yet we somehow don't even see them in our peripheral vision unless they affect us directly.

Sex = pregnancy

Pregnancy = healthy baby.

To many people, that's just how it is. I know quite a few people who have had MCs and so I'm more informed now, but DP hasn't got a clue.

no yanbu! It's one of my pet hates, I once knew a woman who always said

" my husband only has to LOOK at me and I get pregnant har har har har!!!"

and she knew I'd had problems conceiving too, it's just so odd to show off about something like this! Fertility is really mostly about luck isn't it? It's hardly a merit based state!

I got pregnant first month of trying every time. But I couldn't hold on to them and so had several MC. We had 2 DS and I was so grateful that I did conceive quickly because my problem was a hormone issue which meant I had to basically get pg, lose it, then try again immediately so that the hormones for pg 1 were just getting into their stride by time I was pg with no 2. If it had taken me several months to conceive, I would never have had my DCs.

If someone chooses to wear their fertility as a badge of honour that's their look out. Tbh, I genuinely don't care. I got pg very quickly with my DS. but then took about 5/6 months with my second one which I then lost at 9 weeks. We're just in the 1st cycle of trying again now.

I have stopped being sensetive about this sort of thing - the bottom line is that I am concerned about me. If some random wants to tell me how quickly she got knocked up - great. It isn't going to affect what happens to me.

people who go on and on and on about wanting a baby, or trying for a baby grate on my nerves.
some of us DO get pregnant the first time we have sex. even when practicing contraception. it just happens. whether we want it to or not.
if i am moaning about it, then it is not becuase i am tactless anymore than the silly bint moaning about how long it is taking her to get pregnant. its just the way it is, and we both have an equal right to moan about the situation we find ourselves in.

Oh come on MorrisZapp!

'I think it's actually a very harsh wakeup call when people like me (38, first time ttc) realise that in fact, you aren't guaranteed pg from each shag.'

At 37-38? It's a BIOLOGICAL clock. duh.

I could never be smug about it. I had an easy time getting pregnant but my sister struggled with infertility and several failed IVF attempts for a quite a while before and after I had DD2. I sooo wanted her to get pregnant before I did. I was almost afraid to tell her when it happened and she got upset with me that I told my mother before I told her. But I was 37 and needed to get on with it at the time. She has been the most wonderful aunt to mine and I'm so happy that she has adopted the most wonderful little boy four and a half years ago.

bamboo, i find attitudes like yours incredibly annoying, not to mention ignorant.
There is NO contraception that is one hundred percent reliable, except abstinence. and being forced to listen to people whinging on and on and on about how difficult they are finding it to get pregnant, when you are terrified of having sex with your legally married dh using both a condom and a coil, is insulting, and painful.

both sidess of the coin are difficult to live with. saying that fertile people shouldnt have sex, is like saying that people who are not so fertile shouldnt have left it so late.... neither is acceptable. and both are painful and tactless.

Well, there are 2 peaks of conception following coming off the pill (which I tend to assume most people are using pre-children), one in the first 3 months, the other at a year, hence the "average" time to conceive being quoted as 6 months.

Those women were in the first peak. Their friend is in the other.

It is fairly normal human behaviour to assume people are like yourself/have the same opinion/experience. It is also fairly normal human behaviour to bond in a group over an apparent difference in another.

Its not smug, its just the way it is.

Why don't you or your husband have a sterilization chainstitch?

It's a minefield really, isn't it?
I don't think I should be made to feel guilty for conceiving very easily (I did nothing special after all), but have to appreciate that not all people experience the same.
I do worry about getting pg again, DH won't have a vasectomy (he just changes the subject)and I can't go on the pill, I had 2 pretty horrific births, get v depressed during pregnancy and we couldn't afford/cope with a 3rd anyway. So when I say that I am scared I will fall pregnant again, I mean it. I am not moaning or being smug, this is something that bothers me, but I would never moan about this with people I don't know/don't know me or with people I know are TTC.
It is all so personal and everyone's experience so very different.

I don't think calling people silly bints because they are struggling to conceive is very kind.

Yes I know it's a bit of a double-edged sword being very fertile but I think you're severely lacking in imagination to not be able to see how much more difficult it must be to struggle to conceive.

I am like ByTheSea - I've watched my sister struggle with her infertility and it's been utterly heartbreaking. I am really quite shocked by the level of insensitivity displayed by some of the posters on this thread.

yanbu. the instance you describe sounds v. crass, to be publicly discussing this.

chainstitch "being forced to listen to people whinging on and on and on about how difficult they are finding it to get pregnant"

that is an extraordinarily unpleasant and insensitive post.

chainstitch, i feel so sorry for you. really i do. it must be truly awful to be able to get pg at the drop of a hat. to not be terrified from the moment that blue line appears until the red does in your underwear. tell you what, we'll swap shall we? then women like me won't have to force you "to listen to people whinging on and on and on about how difficult they are finding it to get pregnant"

ffs, i try not to post things like this but really...

I've just had a MC myself so that's one reason more (on top of all the other reasons I avoid toddler groups...) to just stay away.
I am happy for others who fall pregnant but really find it unnecessary to discuss how quickly it happened. It happened, that's enough detail, thanks.
Fair enough if they have close friends who are ok about hearing this stuff but to openly discuss it without any tact to people they hardly know, bit uncalled for..
YANBU.

I think the OP is bein cynical and overly-sensitive.

I have fallen pg immediately three times (2 pgs one m/c) and have never felt 'smug' but incredibly lucky and fortunate.

I have used the lime 'DH only has to sneeze on me and I'm pg' as a form of humour when people have expressed how lucky I am to get pg easily.

I also have friends, one of whom has been trying for 2.5 years, who I feel incredibly sorry for.

I am fortunate and I know that. However, I would hate people to judge me on this

I think that every woman should experience that awful 'Not Pregnant' moment at least 3 or 4 times in their life. A little bit of understanding of the agony of ttc month after month after year after year might eliminate some of the 'get over it' attitudes on this thread. YANBU. I have a mate who 'falls pregnant when her husband lays his trousers on the bed' She never forgave me for getting a better degree than her so felt the need to flaunt her fertility even when I was having treatment. Her husband is a miserable git though so I think the only contact they have is a shag at the right time of the month. Hang in there.