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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think perhaps this wasn't the most appropriate way to bf baby in a public place?

464 replies

lollipopz · 27/02/2009 14:29

OK I am usually all for breast feeding have breast fed all 3 of my dcs and if they were hungry in restraunt on train etc I would cover and feed them, however this shocked me.
Was in supermarket last night with 2 dds aged 5 and 7. Dds had nipped off to pick up some juice when dd1 rushed up to me with a bright red face and ushered my to the next aisle. There was a woman standing with her shirt unbuttoned feeding a baby who was sat upright in a trolley so every one that walked by could see exactly what she was doing and also had a clear view of her other boob that was hanging out her bra . Not only that the baby must have been about 7 or 8 months and was straining to reach as she sort of crouched to it's level.
Surely this is not the best way and she could have left her trolley and went into the baby room she didn't have that much stuff in there any way.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 28/02/2009 17:01

Clearly the baby was happy, mother was happy so what on earth is the problem?

HenriettaJones · 28/02/2009 17:17

what is your problem with us all having a problem?!

Some people think "ok, this was fine there is no problem" other people, like myself, think that there could have been a better way - better for the baby and better for the mother - to have fed a child.

Are we not entitled to our opinion without being blasted for it?

theyoungvisiter · 28/02/2009 17:24

But surely Henrietta if there had been a better way for the woman she would have chosen it? I mean, no-one FORCED her at gun-point to bf her child so she must have thought it was the best solution for some reason. Whether you would agree with her is another matter but since it was her baby, her boobs and her shopping hadn't we better respect her decision?

[out of interest, I wonder long we have all spent judging this woman in proportion to how long she actually took feeding the baby - I suspect it must be a factor of several hundred)

HenriettaJones · 28/02/2009 17:29

I think you'll find that I conceded on the previous page that it was her right to do as she chose....

But it is my right to say that I think there was a better way. If it had been me, I would be cross-legged on the floor, feeding myself un-paid for grapes

theyoungvisiter · 28/02/2009 17:36

well yes, but saying it's her right to do as she chooses is not the same as respecting her decision.

I think it's hilarious that we've spent so long debating this and being shocked when the actual event must have been over in seconds. It's a bit like those people who write into the Radio Times saying "I found this Channel 4 series quite disgusting and gratuitous, every last second of it, I was forced to watch 60 minutes of filth twice a week for 12 weeks. Channel 4 should be ashamed."

HenriettaJones · 28/02/2009 17:38

I don't respect her decision.

And I'm writing in support of OP because I think she's been unjustifiably criticized.

What's your motive?

theyoungvisiter · 28/02/2009 17:43

Motive? Whoever needed a motive to post on mumsnet?

Did many people criticise the OP? I certainly didn't. If anyone was being criticised (unjustly or otherwise) I think it was this poor "furriner" minding her own business in Asda.

nooka · 28/02/2009 17:57

I don't really get the breasts are for feeding babies and therefore should never be seen as anything other than functional appendages. On average most women in the UK have two or less babies, and breastfeed for perhaps six months, probably less (with a huge variation obviously). Let's say most women grow breasts at about 14, and die on average at lets say 74 (it's actually about 82 now, but lets be conservative). That means that during the average woman's period of time with breasts only about 1.5% of the time will they be in breastfeeding mode. In practice that will be much smaller, as only about 50% of women breastfeed to even a month at the moment.

I still find it difficult to imagine that this was a great way to feed a child and go shopping at the same time. But I am tall with small breasts, so it would have been an impossible method for me. If someone is doing something out of the ordinary of course people will comment, and I expect she got some very strange looks. Her choice of course, but you don't have to be anti-breastfeeding to think that it was an odd way to go. I guess if she was short and had big breasts then it might have worked - but I still think the potential for painful breast-stretching/back ache would have been very high.

StayFrosty · 28/02/2009 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hercules1 · 28/02/2009 19:40

I have bf for a total of 7 years out and stopped when I was 32. Does that increase the time I am allowed to show my breasts?

nooka · 28/02/2009 20:01

Lol. I think it is slightly odd to get swoony about breasts unless you are either a bloke or a lesbian (and on the look out at that). For most women I wouldn't have thought swoony was the operative word I just suspect that the average pair of breasts spend more time in a sexual context than a feeding context. Certainly mine have!

I'd be more about the contortionism than the feeding per sey in any case, as I think it is in general a nice thing to see when you are out and about. But I don't think in practice I have ever noticed anyone feed their baby with anything other than bits of bread type things in a supermarket, or thought about doing it myself. I can remember walking around with dd feeding a little bit, but mostly I was glad for a comfy chair and a few cushions (and ideally a book and a drink and food easily to hand ). I feel that breastfeeding is an ideal time to demand your comforts!

StayFrosty · 28/02/2009 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 28/02/2009 20:19

Nooka - LOL - I was thinking exactly the opposite of you. I'm short with large boobs and thought it 'might' work and not be the way I'm picturing it, if you were tall(er) with smaller boobs!! LOL I'd have to be on tippie toe, lifting said boob in a very uncomfortable manner to be able to do it!! (I'm 5ft on a good hair day)

Morloth · 28/02/2009 20:20

Great StayFrosty, now I am going to be doing that the next time I am at the supermarket. Perhaps it could become a Mumsnet identifying action?

Horton · 28/02/2009 20:20

HAHAHAHAHA! I did that too, only in Sainsburys. My norks are modest and I'm 5'5" but I could kind of see how it could work if you were v v short and very well endowed.

My breasts also stayed inside my clothing at all times and the only shock I had to cope with was 2 and a half year old DD asking 'Mummy, why are you lying on me?'

ChippingIn · 28/02/2009 20:22

StayFrosty - LOL - I actually (for a fleeting moment) considered going to the supermarket today to do the same, even though we didn't really need anything! LOL Didn't in the end, but will def be checking it out when I next go! LOL Pick all the MN's in Tesco/Sainburys over the next few days....PMSL

ChippingIn · 28/02/2009 20:24

lots of x posts

WMSL at Hortons 2 year old!!! (Horton, see post a couple before yours... re shorter people!!)

Grendle · 28/02/2009 20:27

That's it. I'm taking my 2 kids to Asda tomorrow .

Horton · 28/02/2009 20:27

We now need a cross-section of all heights and breast sizes of MNer to try this, I feel. In the interests of science. But keep your clothes on, ladies, we don't want to scare anyone.

MrsTittleMouse · 28/02/2009 20:29

But it is a function of breasts to be sexual! If you look at other primates like chimpanzees then they have flat chests unless they're breastfeeding (and even then they're not that big). Humans adult women have large breasts to signal that they're sexually mature, it's a signal to adult males. I agree that the fact that we're (as a society) tending to ignore the feeding function and emphasise the sexual funtion does no-one any favours, particularly babies. But that's not a reason to go completely the other way either and deny the sexual function!

ChippingIn · 28/02/2009 20:31

In the interest of accuracy some of us would need to 'borrow' a smaller child too - the 2 year olds are a bit taller than this child (and more likely to be freaked out by our behaviour!!!)...LOL Baby Born might get an outing!!!

Horton · 28/02/2009 20:32

Actually, thinking about it, maybe if you need the trolley handle to be at your waist, you actually need to be six foot tall and have superhumanly large breasts. I was imagining the child leaning forward so was thinking shorter might be easier. But maybe you can't get close enough if you can't bend. Unless you have breasts like beachballs.

OP, would you mind coming back to tell us what size and shape the lady you saw was?

tumtumtetum · 28/02/2009 20:33

Hmmm well I am 5'3" and have fairly big boobs - so would fit horton's criteria - BUT - as the boobs are big when BF I have to hold the breast while feeding. IME it's only the smaller breasted women who can do "hands free"...

I still think that it sounds like quite a feat and blimmin uncomfortable. Deffo she must have practiced.

Horton · 28/02/2009 20:34

Ah, never thought of that, tumtum (needing hands to help). Good point.

nooka · 28/02/2009 20:46

I'm 5'10", so would need to almost squat really (I wouldn't be bending over because that would be very bad for my back - I'm too well H&S trained to feel OK with that) and somehow waddle with the trolley. There is no way I could manage to do anything else at the same time! My breasts were possibly a C cup when really full of milk (back to an A now). I just don't think it would have been possible, and my children would have objected strenuously to what sounds like a very uncomfy feed. But then I'm fairly sure I'd stopped by the time they could sit unaided in a shopping trolley.

Love the idea of everyone trying it out!

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