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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think perhaps this wasn't the most appropriate way to bf baby in a public place?

464 replies

lollipopz · 27/02/2009 14:29

OK I am usually all for breast feeding have breast fed all 3 of my dcs and if they were hungry in restraunt on train etc I would cover and feed them, however this shocked me.
Was in supermarket last night with 2 dds aged 5 and 7. Dds had nipped off to pick up some juice when dd1 rushed up to me with a bright red face and ushered my to the next aisle. There was a woman standing with her shirt unbuttoned feeding a baby who was sat upright in a trolley so every one that walked by could see exactly what she was doing and also had a clear view of her other boob that was hanging out her bra . Not only that the baby must have been about 7 or 8 months and was straining to reach as she sort of crouched to it's level.
Surely this is not the best way and she could have left her trolley and went into the baby room she didn't have that much stuff in there any way.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2009 08:41

Maybe she didn't care if people thought she was odd? Maybe she just wanted to feed her baby

theyoungvisiter · 28/02/2009 08:45

Good lord, is this still going on?

Perhaps this woman doesn't give a toss what a bunch of nosey MNers think of her? (I hope she doesn't).

ChippingIn · 28/02/2009 08:47

Stealth - well good on her (I still don't think this is a good way to feed a baby though).

However, this thread isn't about what she thought is it? It's about what we think. Some of us think it's great, some of us admire her ability, some of us think she's odd....

harpsichordcarrier · 28/02/2009 09:15

if it "inappropriate" in our culture to feed a baby unless it is hidden away (and that's what discreetly means) then our culture needs to change, not the behaviour of the women who are just feeding a baby.
if someone feels uncomfortable about seeing breastfeeding, then they should sort out their own attitudes rather than being so quick and harsh to judge.
the penis analogy is deeply flawed. what about this one? lots of people might feel uncomfortable about seeing someone in the street with a facial disfigurement. they might think it is inappropriate for a child with autism to behave in a particular way.
young men might well leer at a young girl in a short skirt. should she cover up, then?
a little more tolerance, and a little more accepting of personal responsbility for your own attitudes, would probably change things very significantly.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 28/02/2009 09:17

"Having sex is a private act of love or passion between two individuals "

Actually having sex is intended for procreation just like breasts are intended for breastfeeding. The fun we get out of both sex and breasts is an added bonus. So as comparison for a "what nature intended" argument sex does work.

I don't agree with all this breast-feeding room bashing however, as much as I am all for being allowed/comfortable/normal to breast-feed in public there will always be some people who prefer not to and that is just a valid decision as the women who decided to breastfeed in the juice aisle.

I think my only thought on the matter would have been "that looks uncomfortable", but that's just the way I'm picturing it in my head.

wastingmyeducation · 28/02/2009 09:37

Damn sight more comfortable than any of the feeding rooms I've ever seen.

piscesmoon · 28/02/2009 09:43

Our culture won't change while people insist on their rights to do what they like even if it upsets others. It will happen slowly over a long period of time and the quiet, unassuming people are the ones who will do it.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 28/02/2009 09:58

I hate the "breastfeeding is okay if..." lines.

I was an uncomfortable breastfeeder with DD, I rarely fed in public. I can probably count on one hand how many times I fed in public during 18mths of feeding. It does make me sad that I was never comfortable feeding on a park bench, (or supermarket, or whereever) but half of the reason was because I could always imagine in my head what others may be saying about me.

Breasts, at the end of the day, are for feeding children. I think I'd rather see somebody b/feeding than letting the baby go hungry.

Bumperslucious · 28/02/2009 10:06

Seeing someone bf is the only thing that makes me broody. I was staring at some woman the other day in the park and I had to explain to her that it was just that it reminded me of sitting on the same bench bfing my LO and bought back happy memories. She did ask me if I was pg though, which put me right off her...

Anyway, back to the OP. TBH it does sound a little weird, though I can't say that I have never thought about doing somthing similar, I can't remember under what circumstances, but I know that I have thought that the move of just hoiking your boob out and standing over a baby for a quick feed was preferable to having to get them out for some reason, though I haven't done, more for fear of looking like a twat than embarassment over the boob thing.

I fucking HATE the 'it's ok as long at it's discreet' argument! Really hate it. It's not always easy to be discreet and why the fuck should I have to stress myself out covering up everytime my baby pulls off just to spare a few blushes. Yes my boobs aren't particularly attractive to look at, but nor are ugly people and we aren't banning them yet!

ChippingIn · 28/02/2009 10:12

What's wrong with saying 'Bf'ing is ok if...'

It's no different to saying 'Eating in public is ok if....'

If you want to eat on the park bench/on a train/at the bus stop that's ok, if you want to eat a takeaway in the middle of the supermarket then that's not ok.

IMO if you want to bf (holding the baby) in the supermarket then that's great, if you want to do it dangling your boobs over the trolley handle then that's not ok IMO.

I too would rather see the baby breastfed than go hungry and don't like to see them hidden under cloths etc (but understand why some Mums prefer to do it this way, it makes me sad they think it's necessary) - I just don't get why she would do it like this?? I don't think it's effective nor necessary/nice.

hunkermunker · 28/02/2009 10:21

Libras, I'm not bashing breastfeeding rooms. Not ones with comfortable chairs, refreshments, etc. If you know of any like that, great.

But the ones with nappy bins, uncomfy chairs, etc - yes, I'm bashing those. As ought everyone - whether they think bf should be hidden away at all times or not.

I agree totally that women ought to be able to feed in a set aside room if they so desire. It's the last four words that are the key there though.

basic · 28/02/2009 10:22

Have the say the image you describe makes me feel that the woman was in need of help and I don't mean that flippantly I am serious and you hear of people calling out for help in lots of odd ways. I breastfed in public loads of times but never found the need to do it so in your face.

AitchTwoOh · 28/02/2009 10:25

'dangling your boobs over a shopping trolley'?

you're determined to couch this in the most gruesome terminology. the kid could sit up and was latched on, she was pushing the trolley and had to bend down a bit. so what? no nipple was on display, i imagine there was less flesh visible than if someone was wearing a crop top... i really just don't get the big whoop here. you're all so WEIRD.

AitchTwoOh · 28/02/2009 10:26

she was forrin, basic. rather than being on the verge of a nervous breakdown, she might just not have known that everyone in the UK is totally repressed and fucked up.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 28/02/2009 10:27

Its when the 'Bf'ing is ok if...' is followed by:

I dont see it
its out of view
its in private
etc

that is frustrating.

Bumperslucious · 28/02/2009 10:34

Bfing is ok as long as...

...it's accompanied by cake!

Morloth · 28/02/2009 10:38

"Well then we should be able to all walk around naked, from childhood through puberty to aludthood and old age"

Sounds good to me.

Dalrymps · 28/02/2009 10:43

Aitch - I agree that ChippingIn is using the most gruesome terminology indeed!

'drape her boobs over the trolley'
'bounce her boobs on the trolley'
'hanging your boobs over the handle of the trolley'
'but dangling your boobs over the trolley'

These all paint a VERY odd picture indeed

Just how long do you think this womans breasts are ChippinIn that she can do such spectactular things with them??? From what I gather the breast/s were'nt touching the trolley at all, ONE breast was feeding her baby, one was in the bra. Shame on you.

wastingmyeducation · 28/02/2009 10:48

Yay for cake!

Astrophe · 28/02/2009 11:23

Just saw this and had a giggle. If I had seen the woman feeding from the trolley I would have been surprised - I've never seen anyone feed like that, and I wouldn't do it myself, so yes, it would surprise and ammuse me. I think it's odd to leave one breast swinging too - and I don't think the OP's DD is at all strange to have found that surprising.

Having said that, I suspect the woman in question wasn't out to get my approval, so good luck to her!

I agree that the non-BFers I know (men, childless women or women who have FF) would probably not have seen it as a good 'advertisment' for BFing...but again, as the woman obviously didn't care, well, so be it.

GreenMonkies · 28/02/2009 11:38

Well, it sounds uncomfortable for both mother and baby, and I wouldn't do it, but I have had both of mine attempt it in supermarkets!!

She just needs a nice ring sling, then she could feed the baby and shop without hurting herself or freaking out the boob police!!

I agree with Bubbaluv etc that it does give ammunition to the anti-public-bf brigade.

giantkatestacks · 28/02/2009 11:40

I am a bit about the whole thing - how could her other boob be 'hanging out' anyway - it would have gone off when let down occured so no one ever does this.

ChippingIn - could you provide a list of 'odd things' that I can put up on my fridge and remember not to do them - am a bit worried now that I might in fact be odd but no kind soul has thought to tell me.

StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2009 11:49

Actually Dalrymps a book I'm reading talks about some women who just throw a boob over their shoulder for the baby who is in a sling on their back Can you imagine the scene that would cause in Asda?

GreenMonkies · 28/02/2009 11:56

"a book I'm reading talks about some women who just throw a boob over their shoulder for the baby who is in a sling on their back

Just how long and saggy would that boob have to be!?!?!?!

StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2009 12:01

It's Milk, Money and Madness, and it's talking about different feeding positions.
"Some of the Bush women [I don't think they mean the family of the former US president] have been reported to actually throw one of their pendulous breasts over their shoulders to feed an infant strapped on their back"
There's even a pencil drawing - and she does looka bit irritated