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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that day care centres or 'nurseries' should be banned?

588 replies

Goodomen · 25/02/2009 22:24

Having spent some time working (doing supply) in several different nurseries I have been appalled by the treatment of the babies and and young children.

The babies spend most of the day crying, desperately wanting to be held or have some kind of one to one attention.

They are all forced to 'nap' at the same time whether they are tired or not.

They are put in highchairs and fed one by one with the poor children at the end of the row crying until it is their turn to be fed.

The worst part is when the parent arrives to collect their child and asks how they have been they are told 'He/She has been fine, had a lovely time' even if the child has been crying all day!

Why oh why would anyone out there child in such a place?
If you have to work get a childminder!

OP posts:
Rollmops · 27/02/2009 12:46

"I have never actually used a nursery (apart from sending dcs to playschool), but I always felt dcs were safer with the childminders than with me" --- page 14, post by 'cory'
Why would YOUR CHILD be SAFER with a stranger than with YOU????????? This is the scariest post of this entire venom-spitting thread....
I so sincerely hope that you don't mean what you have written here.

Watchtheworldcomealivetonight · 27/02/2009 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/02/2009 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mumnnanny · 27/02/2009 13:15

yes its not true that all nurseries are the same. Yet the one's ive worked in, I would change so much about them. I.e THE MANAGER.

All seem so self centred and do nothing.

They criticise staff all day long but dont even have a childcare qualification to thier name!

but this is just some nurseries. Mainly the private ones.

Government nurseries tend to be more strict and in line with legislation etc...

Beware though, think twice about a nursery that employs lots of part timer's, un-qualified nurserynurses and do not follow standard procedures.

One day Ill have a Brilliant nursery and all your kids can come. Well have fully trained staff, lots of them, full time, a cook, a cleaner, lots of education through play, a clean environment, and we will fulfill all parents wishes.

ScottishMummy · 27/02/2009 13:16

hysterical alarmist "they beat dem babies doncha know posts dont put me off nursery"

i pay good money to have wee one shouted at,"forced to sleep,and ignored by cruel staff

all so i can pursue my avaricious lifestyle and gin habit

oh and minor incidental details like pay the mortgage and all that

Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 14:18

katiestar The dropping lots of weight (in only 3mths) wasn't the only issue. The other CM was using food brought in for her mindee and giving it to other children. She also sat the dcs infront of the music channel for huge parts of the day because her daughter was obsessed with it. I got both her mindees after she moved and both were very behind with speech and understanding. 1 was 18mths and only said car but not in context of there being a car in sight and the other didn't utter a word although she could at home. This suggests that their confidence had been knocked so badly that they didn't dare speak, within 1mth both had a reasonable vocab. Both spoke in sentences by 2yrs.

Sidge · 27/02/2009 14:29

Yeah, ban nurseries, take all choice regarding childcare away from working parents and force them to put their children in daycare with childminders, many of whom I wouldn't trust with a hamster let alone a baby. Or stay at home, default on their mortgages due to lack of income, get their house repossesed and have no money to buy food with for their children.

If I choose to have my children cared for in nursery rather than a CM that is my choice to make, thank you. For me (and of course my children) a nursery is the best option and banning them would be senseless.

Rollmops · 27/02/2009 14:29

From page 18, Londonone says:

" I am not against paid childcare I am against nurseries for small babies. I come from a fairly large (extended) family where incomes range from low to high and across the board mothers and/or fathers have not worked when their children were very young. The joy and pleasure that I see they (the parents) gain from those months spent with their new babies strikes me as very precious and I simply don't think that is something you can ever get back if you lose it by putting a child into a nursery for 8 hours a day.

I feel that young babies do need almost one to one attention and nurseries generally don't offer that. In addition pay rates in many nurseries are appallingly low and the staff are frequently treated dreadfully. I know someone who runs several nurseries all of which are well thought of but even so many of the staff are somewhat transient in nature.

Finally I believe that if you have children it should be because you want to bring them up and see how they develop etc and if you will not take a career break for a year or 18 months because of it damaging your prospects then your priorities are wrong. I believe that this could be either parent btw. As I have said all along peoples situations do change and for some people it is impossible not to work in those cases I do feel a childminder or family are a better option. Of course there are terrible childminders same as there are terrible parents and terrible nurseries but as a general principal I think that a childminder is a better situation than a nursery and a parent is a lot better than either both for baby and parent.

The thing is that your baby is your No1 priority, no matter how much the nursery staff love/like your baby he or she cannot be their No1 priority as they have to treat all children equally and unless they work on a one to one ratio that means each member of staff will be dealing with more than one child not to mention all the ridiculous paperwork etc."

I fully agree with the above and I am a mother of twins.
Oddly enough, while pregnant, I was most adamant about returning to work asap, no long maternity leave for moi, no sirreee.... Once I had these gorgeous tiny pink bundles in my arms, all bets were off.
Very happy being home with our boys, we are lucky to be able to afford it, had to cut down on travel etc.though.

gingerninja · 27/02/2009 16:46

Your decision your justification.

I couldn't care less why some people stay at home and some work when they have children. The reasons for doing so are for them and their family. Not everyone is in the fortunate position of having family to support them if they return to work so must depend on childcare. We are all doing the best for our children.

I think it is particularly insulting to suggest that all nurseries are these Victorian work houses where staff are demoralised just because they are paid the minimum wage. Working with children and indeed any caring profession is a real vocation and for many people they love what they do and work very hard, (which is more than I could say about me in a non caring profession). The fact that many who work in nurseries are young and or childless is no reflection of their capabilities and they shouldn't be judged accordingly, there are plenty of fantastic young people, some on this site, who do a brilliant job of childcare.

For those that have worked in crap nurseries, you have a duty to report them in the same way any other carer has a duty to report neglect be it a residential home, nurse, social worker etc etc. To come on an internet forum and post that you know these places are neglecting needs of children (really neglecting not just juggling priorities)is not just shocking but down right immoral in my opinion.

sarah293 · 27/02/2009 17:46

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spicemonster · 27/02/2009 17:54

Yes well Rollmops - the pertinent bit of your post is: 'we are lucky to be able to afford it' Lots of people aren't.

Furthermore, some women actually don't find that their desire to have a meaningful and fulfilling career evaporates the moment they hold 'those gorgeous tiny pink bundles'.

As ever on MN, there are soooo many people who think it's a crime for women to want to do anything other than coo over babies once they've had them but men can carry on working 20 hour days. Double standards? Never!

ScottishMummy · 27/02/2009 18:57

these post always polarise opinions.we all make different decisions for our different situations

frankly,don't see why we must fight and rip each other apart over this,because bottom line it is no one else business whether a child is with parents,CM,or nursery.have your opinion yes,but someone else different choice doesn't necessarily make them a bad parent

too many stereotype's bandied about

avaricious career mum.slams baby in nursery with reprobate staff.in heartless pursuit mere of career and money

martyr mum gave it all up,wouldn't dare miss precious moments.wouldn't leave her lil baby genius with any chain smokin nursery nurse

Twinklemegan · 27/02/2009 21:59

I would agree that there are some poor nurseries out there. DS attended one for a while, just one day a week, until it became clear that he was never going to settle. I was distinctly underimpressed with the staff and we felt very guilty for perservering for as long as we did. I have also looked at nurseries, large ones, where I would have been extremely unhappy leaving DS.

So I'm thinking that I am very lucky that the two nurseries DS has attended for any length of time have been absolutely excellent. There must be parents out there who have to go to work knowing their child isn't in the best environment, as I did for a while, simply because they have no other choice. That is a very sad situation and I feel for them very much. There but for the grace of God go I.

fledtoscotland · 27/02/2009 22:04

thanks for the fab post i hate having to leave my boys in nursery but i simply cant afford not to work. will break my heart when i go back after mat leave as DS2 is a real mummys boy and i know he will sob his heart out.

i feel so much better now - NOT

having said that, our nursery is kind and loving and i have seen some of the staff walking round with one child in each arm. DS1 doesnt look back when he goes in and i dont say what time i'm coming to collect him. he's never been crying.

Rollmops · 27/02/2009 22:25

"Furthermore, some women actually don't find that their desire to have a meaningful and fulfilling career evaporates the moment they hold 'those gorgeous tiny pink bundles'."
As always, thank you ever so much for such clever and insightful post, spicemonster.
Some of us just might have careers that grow with them and their families and bring in more than enough for the 'horrid boring mothers with no ambition whatsoever' to actually stay home and enjoy their kids AND return to work when they decide it's the right time for their family - with no harm done to the abovementioned sacred career.

Rollmops · 27/02/2009 22:32

...with us and our families.... even...

Stayingsunnygirl · 27/02/2009 22:35

Your statement could be seen to be saying that the mums who stay at home with their babies are superior to those who don't, because they have realised how precious their babies are, whilst the working mums clearly haven't - I suspect that this was what irked spicemonster, Rollmops.

spicemonster · 27/02/2009 22:38

Quite stayingsunnygirl. you're very lucky then rollmop - my career isn't like that. I was sidelined and passed over for promotion when I was on maternity leave so I couldn't afford to take more than the 8 months I did.

Rollmops · 27/02/2009 22:44

Oh dear, monster, I do so feel for you.... Hopefully you'll get the career break you so clearly deserve.

spicemonster · 27/02/2009 22:46

Charming!

blueshoes · 27/02/2009 22:52

Rollmops, what career were you in that pays well and allows you to step on and off with no harm whatsoever?

Rollmops · 27/02/2009 23:15

Careers are about people and their abilities, no? The company I was working with is very clear that they would be happy to have me back whenever it suits me. Surely I can't the the only one, why, number of my friends with young children are exactly in the same position.

goodnightmoon · 27/02/2009 23:21

just jumping in to your argument to say that i don't think most companies are like that.

particularly not in this environment, when they are looking for reasons to get rid of people, not keep jobs indefinitely open for them.

another consideration to taking time off is age. if you are 40+ it is very difficult to get hired in certain industries.

BoffinMum · 27/02/2009 23:22

It can't be a very senior job if you're just able to pick it up and drop it at will.

blueshoes · 27/02/2009 23:31

Rollmops, how many years were you out of work and did you go back to your old company?

I think you find that that in commercial organisations who need to make profits, no matter how good a person is, if at the point that you want to go back there is no vacancy, there is NO vacancy. This is particularly so for professional women and those in senior management in fast moving fields - these fields pay well but the skills erode quickly.

A company cannot have 2 Directors of Marketing just because the old one decided to come back.

If their old company cannot take her back, it will be virtually impossible to find another prepared to take her back even at reduced pay after, say, a 5 year gap.

So which career were you and your friends in?