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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that day care centres or 'nurseries' should be banned?

588 replies

Goodomen · 25/02/2009 22:24

Having spent some time working (doing supply) in several different nurseries I have been appalled by the treatment of the babies and and young children.

The babies spend most of the day crying, desperately wanting to be held or have some kind of one to one attention.

They are all forced to 'nap' at the same time whether they are tired or not.

They are put in highchairs and fed one by one with the poor children at the end of the row crying until it is their turn to be fed.

The worst part is when the parent arrives to collect their child and asks how they have been they are told 'He/She has been fine, had a lovely time' even if the child has been crying all day!

Why oh why would anyone out there child in such a place?
If you have to work get a childminder!

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 27/02/2009 10:29

Also I should add that we have very little in the way of extended family, so continuous and personal human contact on this scale was very helpful too.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 27/02/2009 10:29

Quite agree LEM we went to look at another nursery which some friends were raving about, we could walk there as well, and was hideous, children were not allowed to run around and make a noise, children were changed on the floor as there were no nappy changing facilities, she had to take children in nappies as it was discrimination otherwise (her words) not spoortive about potty training and would quite happily name other children and parents when talking about situations. They like it but can't understand why we don't.

londonone · 27/02/2009 10:33

EDAM you said

"Yeah yeah, londonone, I saw the clause that you inserted pretending you were not associating nurseries with RAD. So why bring RAD up on this thread about nurseries at all? You were planting the idea in people's heads that they may be linked."

I brought it up as an example of a serious developmental issue that developed before the age of 5. In response to georgimamas poo pooing of the idea that most major development happens before five. I suggest you read the thread more closely rather than just trying to have a go at me.

"FWIW no, I wouldn't have put ds in nursery at two months if there was any way to avoid it (and I was fortunate that this wasn't necessary)."

Why wouldn't you have put him in nursery at that age? Sounds like we have similar ideas about young babies and nurseries we just draw the line at different ages.

Stayingsunnygirl · 27/02/2009 10:34

"sunny - people have said all sorts about me on this thread I am not asking them to apologise as they are entitled to their opinion. It's an internet thread, if some people are so insecure about their own parenting that they feel upset that a total stranger doesn't agree with their choices then that is their problem not mine."

Classic keyboard warrior.

giantkatestacks · 27/02/2009 10:38

Londonone - on a more serious note can I ask where you do draw the line then? You say that 18months would be ok for you in a nursery - is that fulltime or part time?

Do you think that younger babies can have one to one care that isnt family based earlier than that then - at what age?

I personally wouldnt want anyone caring for my dd before the age of 1 because I am still bf and want to get to 1 so that she can have cows milk - but this reason is very personal to me and not for others.

There is not broad one size fits all argument here - it is a balance between the families needs and the babies needs as has been said before.

cory · 27/02/2009 10:42

londonone on Fri 27-Feb-09 09:56:55
"cory - I think it sounds like you found an excellent solution."

Found an excellent solution? Dh's firm going through such a rough patch that lots of people were laid off, and he saved his job by going part-time. Well, there's a chance for excellent solutions of this kind for many people at the current time I imagine.

I think you missed the main thrust of my post, londone, which was that doing the particular job I do is essential to me. So essential that I did it even when I could not get paid. That getting another job doesn't look like much of an option, because this is what I was born to do. End of story.

LucyEllensmummy · 27/02/2009 10:44

cory - i'm fascinated to know what it is you do

londonone · 27/02/2009 10:49

kate - I guess for me I think part time at 18 months would be ok. Under a year maybe part time childminder but def not full time. Prob nine months and under parent and family.

cory - sound like an "every cloud" situation to be honest. I do appreciate what you are saying about your job and that is great for you. Can I ask what you do?

edam · 27/02/2009 10:50

londonone - no, I don't condemn other mothers who make different choices to me. For my own ds, I would have thought he was too vulnerable to go into group care at two months old. Big difference between a newborn and an older baby who is able to sit up IMO. But that's my choice for my ds, other people have to make their own choices for their own circumstances.

londonone · 27/02/2009 10:54

So edam although is sticks in your throat essentially you are saying that you think 2 months is too young for group care and I am saying I think a year is too young that's all. Just drawing the line in different places.

cory · 27/02/2009 10:55

I'm a medievalist. I fell in love with Robin Hood when I was very young, and when I realised they wouldn't let me go and be an outlaw I decided I would learn everything about the period instead.

daftpunk · 27/02/2009 10:59

lol cory

ssd · 27/02/2009 11:00

Goodomen, I too have worked in nurseries and would never put my kids into one

the kids get too little attention, staff have too much paperwork to attend to the kids

babies are left to cry, one worker told me "you don't hear them after a while"

toddlers get out to play one hour a day, there's a rota, so even if the sun is shining they are inside if its not their turn

most of the children learn to be whinny and attention seeking as its often the only way to get noticed

most mums on this thread will totally deny everything I've written, but looking at the posts from workers who have actually worked in nurseries a lot of us are saying almost the same thing

londonone · 27/02/2009 11:00

Cool - Uni based?

daftpunk · 27/02/2009 11:00
georgimama · 27/02/2009 11:02

I don't think mothering is a competitive sport, daftpunk, I don't think I am better at it than anyone else. No one, I genuinely believe no one (even Karen Matthews and the ilk) sets out to be a bad parent. We are all doing our best, in different ways.

The only people who are going to be able to judge are our children. Let's face it, whatever we do we are at risk that they will think we should have done something else and that would have made them happier. Whether they would be right there is no way of knowing.

LucyEllensmummy · 27/02/2009 11:07

Fanks DP, i feel sick now

daftpunk · 27/02/2009 11:13

lol..how's the diet going?

LucyEllensmummy · 27/02/2009 11:14

well, it was OK teil you showed up .

Stayingsunnygirl · 27/02/2009 11:19

Allow me to help you with the creamcake and the chocolate, LucyEllensmummy - purely out of the kindness of my heart, you realise - I am forcing myself for your sake...... honest!

BoffinMum · 27/02/2009 11:25

ssd, this wasn't the case in the nursery I worked in, and I have not seen it at the DS's nurseries. I have seen it in schools though.

daftpunk · 27/02/2009 11:26

i'll naff off now LEM

daftpunk · 27/02/2009 11:32

and yeah georgiemama...we're all doing our best...

i'll say to my dc when they're older

i loved you, i hope that was enough... i couldn't do anymore.

i'm outta here...

LindenAvery · 27/02/2009 11:39

london, I think you have some valid reasons to discuss, however being judgemental is fine if you are merely doing it to assess what you would do in your situation - but not if it means blanket criticising without fully appreciating the valid reasons others have for their choices.

Mums on here are able to argue their points as a result of having experienced what it is like to be a parent. You have not - and therefore do not seem to appreciate what circumstances people find themselves in no matter how 'prepared' you think you are.

For example - what if you needed to work? Your partner might leave you especially as the first 12 months after a child is born is the most difficult for a relationship to adjust. What about if family who you thought would help with childcare arranements needed to work themselves, or became sick or moved away? What about if you could not find a childminder that you were happy with in your location?

Just some of the what ifs.......
Best laid plans and all that.

LucyEllensmummy · 27/02/2009 12:13

too late xunny - its all mine!!!!