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Original poster

to be fed up with everyone we meet going on about how tall my DD is?

155 replies

mugwumpy · 19/02/2009 07:31

literally every mother we meet goes on constantly about how tall or huge or big my DD is. She is 19 months and wears age 2-3 clothes and yes she is tall but shes also very good looking (fact not biast mother!!) and has beautiful long blonde ringlets so its hardly like theres nothing else to say about her... Sometimes I just feel like people are so fucking bitchy and feel very defensive. I dont go round pointing out how short/bald/ugly/scruffy etc other peoples kids are but maybe I should....?

OP posts:
duchesse · 23/02/2009 10:03

Frankly I think you are taking idle chit-chat unnecessarily personally and rather agressively. People have always commented on how dinky mine are- it's undeniable and doesn't bother me in the slightest. I just explain that we grow for longer in both our families.

intheLiffey · 23/02/2009 11:03

I have probably said things very like this in the past, but most tall people I've met like being tall and want their children to be tall and are glad if they show early signs of it.

I get upset not chippy if people say 'oh isn't your son tiny'. I've had all sorts of dodgy comments, really! My son got the looks apparently, and my daughter got the height and wouldn't it have been nice if it had been the other way 'round.

intheLiffey · 23/02/2009 11:12

Alicethecamel makes a good point. I think that it can take a decade to 'grow into' your height if it deviates from the average, either taller than average or shorter than average.

I used to waste HOURS dreaming I was taller. And I know as a teenager some taller girls were self-conscious, but now as an adult I can't believe I ever wasted a second wishing I was taller, I am what I am, at least I can walk, at least I'm healthy and so on and I really mean it.

I think although teenagers want to rebel, in other ways they just want to blend in and be average. Does that make sense.? Then we all get older we like the things that make us different.

ingles2 · 23/02/2009 11:19

FGS what is going on with people atm????? Can't comment on height, can't comment on hair colour, why don't we all keep completely quiet and never ever say anything about our dc's ever ever again
your dd is tall.... and?
my ds1 is tall and not just tall.... gargantuan! and not only that he's blond too! When I'm not! How very dare people comment!

mummyloveslucy · 23/02/2009 11:31

My daughter is tall for her age. We always get people commenting on it. I don't mind them saying she's tall, but big and huge are not acceptable when commenting on someones little girl.
She does get more comments about her gorgeous hair and big blue eyes than her height.
When people say isn't she big or huge, I feel like saying "So are you". I suppose it's just a lack of intelegence though.

monkeyfeet · 23/02/2009 11:34

But it can have an effect on you, when I was younger and people would say "gosh isn't she tall" it made me you feel like a freak.

This has started with my dd too but I am going to say "yes isn't she, how wonderful"

mehgalegs · 23/02/2009 11:39

But it grates ingles. Well done if you can handle it but i is si tedious when people can't go beyond the physical appearance.

I am 40 years old and I think I can honestly say i have heard the phrase " Gosh, you are tall." every day of my life. I still don't know what to reply. usually "Yes I am aren't I."

ingles2 · 23/02/2009 12:27

only if you read too much into it Mehgalegs. People say things, silly simplistic things without thinking. They're not trying to make a dig, or be bitchy they're stating a fact, like commenting on the weather. It's just small talk and it doesn't deserve your brain space, so just smile and let it wash over you.

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 23/02/2009 14:53

I don't think the comments are the problem on their own; it's when people don't notice anything other than being tall like a person is the sum of their height.

I'm quite tall (although tall people call me short lol) and I'm actually glad that it looks like my daughter is going to take after her dad (she's on line to be about 5'4" but they think my height may give her a couple of extra inches) because so much of life is made difficult by my height. I've never had a boyfriend who was taller than me which didn't make me feel very feminine. Clothes are hard to find and again don't make me feel very feminine, especially when it's my uniform. Shoes are ridiculous, even harder to find and not that nice when I do. People think I'm a tomboy but I'd love to be girly, it's not easy when you're tall.

nooka · 24/02/2009 05:41

My dd is predicted to be 6'1", which I think might be a little tricky, so I hope she is an inch or so shorter (ds is also on line to be about 6'1"). I'm 5'10", and I don't really think of myself as tall anymore, although obviously I am. As each generation tends to be taller than the last (better nutrition etc) maybe dd's experience will be relatively similar to mine. I can see being over 6' is tricky because it is more uncommon - dh at 6'5" used to also be quite self conscious, although now I think has grown into it more. It's all abut being comfortable in your shoes though, I think if you enjoy your height and carry yourself well then you are more likely to get positive comments, and as parents it is our job to make sure that our tall children think of it as a positive advantage (which it is) and something to be proud of.

Tink have you thought about a style consultation? They are quite expensive, but really worth it IMO. I was also a bit of an androgynous dresser, but have rediscovered my dramatic self. You can really carry things off with a bit of height - I've had a lot of very positive comments when I am dressed according to my style (and it feels rather like dressing up, which is fun )

MadamDeathstare · 24/02/2009 06:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 08:29

I was predicted to be 6 foot 3. I'm acctually 5 foot 6.
I was very tall as a child then stopped growing at a young age.
My daughter is very tall now but she'll probubly stop growing at 13 like I did.

fufflebum · 25/02/2009 08:47

Hi mugwumpy. My two are tall for their age and I completely understand where you are coming from. I find it sooooo boring when people keep commenting on their height/size etc.

However, I then remind myself that often people are trying to think of something to say when you first meet them and your daughters height is the most immediate thing they can think of.

I would agree it is when people say ' oh isn't she huge'or sentiments like that. That can be really irritating.
I always try to reply to their comments by pointing out that both their parents are tall so the children are more likely to be taller than average.

As well as that I try to remember that often what people say to you tells them much more about them than you. Try to ignore it. My DD is now three and I am proud she is tall. She does not even notice the comments.

There are many advantages to being tall, I used to be 14 going to 18 movies so I would ignore the comments and not worry to much about it. (difficult though as it is tedious at times)

GooseyLoosey · 25/02/2009 08:51

I also get where you are coming from OP. I was very tall as a child and that is all I ever remember people saying to me. Consequently I was very self concious of the fact well in to my 20s (have got over it now but am nearly 40). Can't offer any help, but do sympathise. Ds is also very tall (5 and wears 8-9 clothes) but agree that it is different for a boy.

intheLiffey · 25/02/2009 09:10

My son is small, he definitely is, they told me he was 85cm at his 2 yr check and 88 is average apparently.

I have been told he is tall. I say, oh it's just that coat is too small for him! Or, it's the way he's standing

I'd like him to be a bit taller, but people saying it won't make him taller, anyway, being smaller than average is the least of his worries, seeing as he can't speak yet and is on the AS!.

Height Shmite.

I do hesitate to comment on things, any things, a lot more since I've come on to mumsnet and realised (total eye opener) the things that can cause offence.

FairLadyRantALot · 25/02/2009 09:24

mugwumpy...only read your op , and the first thing that came to my mind was chip & shoulder....what is your problem...yes, tehy are stating the obvious, but I cfail to see how one would be so defensive about it?
Maybe everyone should just go around completely ignoring anyone else, because if you dare comment on anything, than you obviously are being nasty by default...

intheLiffey · 25/02/2009 09:28

I said this on another thread yesterday, just offering it up now for a bit of perspective...

Somebody asked me if I thought my son would still have a speech disorder if I hadn't left his Dad!

That was a silly comment, but I don't dislike the girl who said it. Just in her little world so far everything's been perfect and 2.4 ish and no probs and everything#s lovely..... she just hasn't stretched her mind around the uncomfortable, YET..

charleymouse · 25/02/2009 13:10

MW just revisiting, at least DDs tallness is a positive thing in my book. I have to say I would probably comment on that if it is that noticable. I do have a very tall DD but she has little legs and a long body. People have been asking how she gets on at school for well over a year now (she starts in September).

If there is a box of frogs not so attractive child with no redeeming features I usually say "ooh that's a lovely smile". So watch out for that one it seems to be a compliment but really there is nothing else about your child that stands out.

I just don't get how "little girl" is acceptable and "big girl" is not. A few people on this thread have referred to their little girl.

Be aware that some people just have to state the obvious. My Nana could compliment someone by saying how they looked well as they "had lost weight" and follow it up with "because you used to be really fat". compliment spoilt somewhat in my book.

intheLiffey · 25/02/2009 14:53

What do people mean when they say 'predicted to be 6 foot 3'

How is that predicted? sorry to be thick...........

FairLadyRantALot · 25/02/2009 17:26

liffey...there is some sort of formula, where you look at parents height, etc...and you can roughly predict the childs possible height...
It is in the red book...you know the one you get after childs birth to take to the HV....well, it used to be in there...

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 26/02/2009 00:53

The othr way they predict height is from the charts. Some kids don't follow them so you can't, Tink followed her line nicely, they said weaning would be telling - she'd either keep to it or shoot up. The fact she hasn't ever had a massive growth spurt tells them she will always be small. As her dad is backs that up.

nooka · 26/02/2009 03:48

The best charts include age as well as the child's height and the parents heights, there is some point when you are going to double to be your adult height - it's surprisingly early, maybe two or three (can't remember, it was a long time ago). They are only approximations of course (think +/- 5cm or so). If you think about your families normal growth patterns you can get an idea too (ie I was fully grown at about 13/14, others grow more steadily etc).

duchesse · 26/02/2009 08:33

I would take growth charts with a huge pinch of salt. According to those charts (and the doubling height at 2 thing), my children would be midgets (the girls would be under 5ft)! Yet they are taller at the same ages as I was, and I'm 5ft6, so hardly a midget. They presupppose that everyone grows in a nice even way, and stops growing at the same age, whereas in both sides of my children's family, even the girls keep growing after 18.

MsSparkle · 26/02/2009 08:49

My friends little girl who 2 and a half is very short and always has been. She is still in 1 to 1 and a half trousers. I know it bothers my friend as she gets comments too. So you can't win, your kid is either too tall or too short! Who wants to be average anyway?

bytheLiffey · 26/02/2009 09:05

Can somebody predict my son's height for me please. He was 85cm exactly at his two year check up, and his mother is five one and his dad was 6 foot. I can't believe I'm worrying about this. He doesn't speak and he's on the AS so I am not seriously stressing about whether he'll be five foot 8 or five foot 9! I'm am just wondering that's all, I'm not really that shallow. We don't have red books in Ireland. There is something similar but I don't have one for my son as he wasn't born here.

Thanks in advance.

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