to be fed up with everyone we meet going on about how tall my DD is?

[mugwumpy]

literally every mother we meet goes on constantly about how tall or huge or big my DD is. She is 19 months and wears age 2-3 clothes and yes she is tall but shes also very good looking (fact not biast mother!!) and has beautiful long blonde ringlets so its hardly like theres nothing else to say about her... Sometimes I just feel like people are so fucking bitchy and feel very defensive. I dont go round pointing out how short/bald/ugly/scruffy etc other peoples kids are but maybe I should....?

I'm not sure i see the tallness and associated comments as a huge problem - my dd1 is also very tall, and we have had similar comments since she was a (huge) baby. She is now 4 and the size of a 6 year old, and the biggest problem, as people have said, is that people assume she is older and expect her to behave appropriately (and dd1 has ASD, so behaving appropriately, even for a 4 year old, is out of the question!)

However, i do also agree with the bit where someone said that being petite, elfin, dainty, etc were desired attributes for a girl. dd2 is all of these, and the thing I have found most annoying is that since she was born, people comment on the differences between dd1 and dd2, in front of them, and say things like "at least dd2 is girly" or "oh, she'll never be mistaken for a boy, she's so tiny and delicate".

And that does make me as both dds understand, to a certain extent what peole are saying, and I hate it when dd1 is implicitly criticised for being tall.

YABU - they are not saying it as a negative comment, you are over reacting.

lockets you have the wrong end of the stick completely, my child is beautiful everyones child is beautiful, no one has the right to try and make out that there is something wrong with her simply because she is tall and that is how people behave that is my bloody problem, do you get me now???

ok thanks about x posts, you get me now!! also silverfrog you get me, i just dont know why people act like its such a big thing.

Lots of people are insensitive and say strange things without thinking. I would think people meant tall as a positive comment but I heard one Mum ask another how old her son was and then say 'ooh isn't he tiny'!

Would you rather people didn't talk to you?

It's just something to say, like you go through "Is she crawling yet, sleeping through, is she good, isn't she tall, aren't her fingers long?"

It's an observation, it's a fact, it's someone trying to get along with you.

YABU

People need something inane to make small-talk about when you meet them - it's natural.

Normal conversation:
Person1: "Hello, meet my friend A and her baby B!"
Person2: "Hi, nice to meet you! Wow, your daughter's so tall!"

Not normal conversation:
Person1: "Hello, meet my friend A and her baby B!"
Person2: "Hi, nice to meet you! How do you think Labour are managing the financial crisis?"

DD had very little hair until after a year old and no teeth til she was 13 months old. People did comment on it. Not in an offensive or derogatary way and I never was upset by it. They were just making comments. I knew DD was beautiful without hair and teeth, and so did those people who commented - they often referred to her being a pretty baby. Just because people are making an observation it doesn't mean they are being negative.

You must meet some funny people. DD was the tallest in her class all through primary school. She always stood out on class photos. In the yr6 one she was taller than her (male) teacher!! People have commened but never in a way that I found insulting or hurtful.

It is just something people say to be friendly, make conversation, avoid awkward silences, etc. Unless they say 'my goodness, what a freakily tall child you have' then YABU.

At least your daughter is tall.

I am really fed up of people telling me that my DD is tall for her age. Er - actually, no she's not, she's quite small for her age (she has just turned 3 and only just into 2-3 year clothes - sounds like she is smaller than your DD).

There really is no polite way to say "no you stupid person actually she isn't tall at all". So I have perfected the "non-committal smile"

So I have come to the conclusion that people say these things for something to say, and they mention height because it is something that is unlikely to cause offense (except in yours and my cases obviously LOL).

DD is very tall for her age and I get plenty of comment. It makes me quite proud actually. And not a little bit jealous of how leggy she will be.
You may be misinterpreting others. I have often said "what a big boy/girl" to other mothers. Doesn't mean I think their child is fat, I mean what a bonny healthy baby.

I presume you are talking about people who meet your dd for the first time. People comment on the first thing that comes to mind, they can't really help it and they will not consider commenting on a child's height to be particularly rude.

It does become a pain, though and so YANBU to be fed up. People would comment on dd2's red and burnt appearance all the time due to her eczema. It is wearing. You just have to think that it could be a lot worse and have a standard response to hand.

Everybody says things like that though.
My Ds1 is very tall too and it often gets commented on.
Practically everybody says 'oh isnt he a big bonny boy' or similar about DS2 as well and DS2 is short and quite small for his age.
I think people just forget what the average child/baby size is and automatically say 'ooh isnt he big' as a first comment lol

If op came on and said she had a small child and people were commenting, there would be uproar

Err no there wouldn't. People are always commenting on my v. short children. They are v. short. It's just something to say.

I never used to mind the, "Oh isn't your DD tall," comments.

What I do mind now are the comments that we are getting along the lines of, "Oh, I hope she doesn't get too tall you know. It will be difficult for her when she's older," etc etc. I have been astonished by these comments, especially as they have been made infront of her and she is 5 yo and perfectly capable of understanding them. I don't want her to get a complex.

I usually just shrug it off and have only once asked someone to stop talking about it.

So in MHO YABU to be offended but YANBU to be concerned if it carries on. Don't go the way of the insults back though - that way lies madness.

Whenever someome asks for advice on MN about how to fit in and strike up conversations with other Moms, the advice is nearly always "compliment their children".
People may not do it in the right way, but I am a mistress of saying the wrong thing, when I am simply trying to make conversation in a situation I find a bit intimidating. I then go home and beat myself with a birch twig repeatedly as I know I've put my foot in it again.

I think the OP was not minding the "oh, how tall" coments, but more minding how they were said.

My girls are complete opposites, and the number of times peole have said something really silly in front of them. Like:

"gosh, she's too big for a girl"
"oh, that's better, dd2 can be a proper girl" (dd2 is small)
"dd2 will spend the first few years thinking she's got a big brother, as dd1 is so tall"

etc.

these kind of comments really do not help dd1 feel at ease at all, and how is she supposed to be proud of her height, if people constantly say that dd2 is a "better" girl because she is small and dainty?

Are you careful not to let her realise this annoys you so much, you don't want her to think it is a negative thing.

I am tall and my grandad always told me to stand tall and be proud of my height. I think it many ways it has been an advantage.

Men used to come up to me in clubs and exclaim that I was 'massive' or 'huge' (I am slim - just tall) so if she stays tall she may well get comments like this for the rest of her life.

DD is 14months and she wears 18-24 month clothes, some of which are too small already. She is also tall for her age and has been long since she was born. People always comment, I have no issues with her height though, I imagine her growing up to be a tall willowy beauty (the complete opposite to my figure which I wouldn't wish on anyone )

Spin it on its head and take it as a compliment rather than a negative

Dancingonmice, I agree, Op, just make sure that your DD feels proud of her height, it's a positive thing.
I am 5ft9" and was always told by my family to hold myself high and be proud of my height, my Grandmother was 5ft 7" and she used to praise me for my height.
I think people don't mean to be unkind, it just comes out all wrong sometimes.