Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask our weddin g guests to pay for their meal?

489 replies

bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:32

Because DP and I genuinely have no cash, we got a great deal (£15 per head for 3 courses) and we are only inviting close family & friends to the wedding. We did specify that this would be INSTEAD of any wedding presents.

(We are getting married now as I am PG, so we brought it forward).

Oh, the reason I ask is that everyone we have verbally invited was very cool with it, but my Mother has kicked off about it

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 16:34

Just phrase it as an informal invite in the manner that Hulababy suggested and you'll be fine Bratnav.

You sound like a lovely person who is trying to be thoughtful, and after some more thought, and a choccy biscuit, I think you'll be fine if you say that people are welcome to join you and dh for dinner if they wish.

My friend is also pregnant,and getting married in a few months and is very stressed out, I don't want you to feel the same way.

Tamarto · 18/02/2009 16:35

A HOTDOG??????

georgimama · 18/02/2009 16:35

It's AIBU by stealth, as usual.

At the end of the day, why ask us? If your friends are OK with it, and your mum is in a minority of one, in terms of your circle and your wedding, you already have your answer.

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 18/02/2009 16:36

Bratnav - your wedding sounds lovely. YANBU. We will probably do similar for our wedding (if we ever get round to it.....).

Enjoy the day, enjoy the memories.

Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 16:36

Who mentioned hotdogs?

Tamarto · 18/02/2009 16:36

It isn't at all an AIBU by stealth all the info was there in the OP people chose not to pay attention to it!

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:37

Yep BN - a hotdog! I was so pissed off that my parents and I could not speak!!

It was a second wedding for both. 4 daughters between them. Bride wore a huge expensive dress and matching bridesmaid dresses/suits/flowers etc

The groom had gone on about the food and we were really expecting something spectacular.

Hotdogs and ice cream cones.

Trust me - £15 per head is brilliant!!

Tamarto · 18/02/2009 16:37

By GossipMonger Wed 18-Feb-09 16:32:03

dont think you would be invited then kalo!

I would so rather pay £15 than what happened at the last wedding I went to - groom was a chef, he went on and on about the food at the wedding and we ended up with a hotdog!! £30 present - starving all day - hungry children - hotdogs.

Not impressed.

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2009 16:37

It's not been by stealth. The info was in the OP.

Stretch · 18/02/2009 16:37

Didn't kate winslet have sausage and mash??

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:38

Me!! Hotdogs at a wedding I went to.

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 16:38

Threads about weddings always get heated-I am not at all surprised that a lot of people prefer just to live together!!

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 16:38

Thanks Thunderduck, would you like a virtual brownie, I made them this morning?

OP posts:
Tamarto · 18/02/2009 16:39

That's a substantial meal, a hotdog is a snack! I'd say it was pretty cheeky calling it a meal tbh

Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 16:39

Just a hotdog nothing else? And the groom was a chef?

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:39

Sausage and mash is cool and filling and yum. Then they had apple crumble and custard.

At least they could then drink alcohol and not fall over straight away! The food would soak up the booze!

onebatmother · 18/02/2009 16:39

It's a lovely plan bratnav. Not the slightest doubt in my mind that none of your guests will begrudge it. A wedding present is normally £30 plus, no? So no diff in expenditure at all.

Anyway, the principle is a lovely one - please could your present be your presence..

I'd much rather that than scraping around John Lewis looking for something under £40 that looks more expensive than that

And anyone who disagrees is a cu..rmudgeon

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 16:40

AIBU by stealth??? What is that?

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 16:40

Yes please. I am a brownie addict.

You can tell your mother to zip it.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 18/02/2009 16:40

YANBU
close friends and family should have no problem paying for the meal. £15 isn't a lot and it's less than they would pay, for example, celebrating someone's birthday in a restaurant, which they would expect to pay for themselves.
Some peoplecan't afford to pay for food for everyone - I'd rather pay for my own food and see good friends get married within their budget than not get to see them get married, or have them seriously limit the reception because they can't afford food.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 18/02/2009 16:40

Congratulations and have a lovely day.

YANBU but I'd make it clear they don't have to come to the meal but other than that it sounds fine. Ditto the fancy car or lots of flowers but if it's all low key then go for it. I'd still get you a gift and it's lovely you're putting people up too.

Bring and share buffet has been suggested and I know of one in a park after a summer wedding. Some coordination from one of the mums so there was a good mix of food/drink and I think everyone bought their own picnic plates and cups etc.

Good luck with your mum! Maybe pay for her or say she doesn't have to come to the meal depends how brave you are!!

Stretch · 18/02/2009 16:40

I bet the sausage and mash cost a fortune though!! I asked DH if we could have that but he said..um..no!!

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:40

icecream cones!

I think something must have happened or they ran out of money at the last minute but we were sooooo hungry and the children were starving too and I had travelled 200 miles to be there.

Heated · 18/02/2009 16:41

Being a small circle of closest family and friends, they understand your circumstances and £15 per head is peanuts usually compared with what a wedding gift costs. I wouldn't be at all offended, but honoured to attend.

YANBU.

jrsqueak · 18/02/2009 16:41

not read the whole thread bratnav but I am getting married at beginning of April and when first planning it that was what we were going to do - small wedding with a meal afterwards that anyone could join us if they wanted. The people we asked were all fine with this and said they would be honoured to join us. (A wedding is actually about the marriage and not the party afterwards!) As it happens my parents have then give us abit of money towards the wedding and we found a cheap village hall and caterers for £4 a head so are going down the buffet route but no I don't think YABU by any means. If they are friends and family they should be pleased about being invited and won't mind joining and paying for the meal.
When you getting married? (nosy)