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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask our weddin g guests to pay for their meal?

489 replies

bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:32

Because DP and I genuinely have no cash, we got a great deal (£15 per head for 3 courses) and we are only inviting close family & friends to the wedding. We did specify that this would be INSTEAD of any wedding presents.

(We are getting married now as I am PG, so we brought it forward).

Oh, the reason I ask is that everyone we have verbally invited was very cool with it, but my Mother has kicked off about it

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/02/2009 16:23

in actual fact, for an AIBU thread about weddings and money (usually guaranteed to make any thread go tits-up) this has been most restrained......

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:23

TD - go and get some oil of evening primrose and a cup of tea!!

This is a second wedding and they have nearly 4 children

Good on 'em for going against convention!

I would be really chuffed to be invited to this sort of wedding.

Hulababy · 18/02/2009 16:23

You could see it as tehy are guests to the wedding service, and then are choosing to accompany you for dinner to celebrate your marriage.

Stretch · 18/02/2009 16:24

It was just a suggestion for you Bratnav, as was the credit card suggestion. Obv my wedding wouldn't have been any good for other people though.

FWIW, I don't think your doing anything wrong, better than spending a fortune!

at making your own cake, now that's brave

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 16:24

Don't let it spoil your day bratnav-I expect it will be lovely.
I agree with TPHW, etiquette says that you should pay, but you are not having the usual wedding and so you don't need the usual etiquette.
Very best wishes for the future.

Nabster · 18/02/2009 16:24

I have changed my initial gut feeling answer.

I hope your friends all come and have a lovely time and the most important thing is you will be marrying the man you love and hopefully having a great life together.

Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 16:25

That does sound much better Hula.

And can I have chocolate and tea instead, perhaps a creme egg or two?, don't much fancy oil of evening primrose.

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2009 16:25

I think people are getting slightly hung up over the word guest here really...

kalo12 · 18/02/2009 16:26

its awful and very self centred - you are inviting people to a celebration you are hosting, or are you letting them watch you, cos you're so fabulous, without enabling them to join in?

if you can't afford it have either
a small do
a buffet
or a less formal party and ask everyone to bring some food.

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:26

yes you can have choc - just thought the ooeprimrose might stop your narkiness!!

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:27

read the whole thread kalo - hardly self centred

crokky · 18/02/2009 16:28

My brother and future SIL are skint. If they wanted me to pay £15 for a meal at their wedding, I would willingly do it.

The only thing that I would say about it is that I would not ask anyone to pay £15 for their meal if they could not afford it.

kalo12 · 18/02/2009 16:28

i hope you are not intending to buy a new dress!
maybe your guests could pay to have their photo taken with you.

I'm sorry i would be very insulted

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2009 16:28

Not enabling them to join in?

Eh?

Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 16:28

TY. I think I'd best make it three creme eggs and a ripple.

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 16:30

I do think you ought to read the whole thread before you comment kalo-you seem to have no idea of the sort of wedding she is proposing!

laweaselmys · 18/02/2009 16:30
Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 16:31

..passes the oil of evening primrose over to Kalo.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2009 16:31

at first i read the post and thought hmmmm, a bit cheeky

but after reading all the posts, and seeing its only 20 people and close family/friends

then i think your idea is lovely, you get your special day, and before baby is due and you dont bankrupt yourself either

yes wedding etiquiet is normally you go for a meal thats been paid for

but i dont see its any different from me having a birthday and inviting friends out, and they pay their meal/well we spilt the bill

cant beleive your mum is kicking off, esp as she must know things are tight

hope you have a fabby day xxx

Hulababy · 18/02/2009 16:31

Why would people be offended at being one of the special few asked if they would like to come along and celebrate with them on their special day? Are you only friends with people if you get a freebie?

I would not be offended at all. I would be more than happy with such arrangements in such circumstances (OP already said not getting a wedding dress and just has a new outfit she is able to wear again). I would actually be pleased that my friends felt strongly enough about me for them to want me to be present at such a special event for them.

GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:32

dont think you would be invited then kalo!

I would so rather pay £15 than what happened at the last wedding I went to - groom was a chef, he went on and on about the food at the wedding and we ended up with a hotdog!! £30 present - starving all day - hungry children - hotdogs.

Not impressed.

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 16:32

crokky - luckily for us ALL our friends and family are better off than us.

We are having a photographer, my cousin who offered to do it for free for us. His wife is playing the flute during the civil ceremony for free too, we are very lucky. DPs Mum have extremely kindly bought the DDs their dresses.

We budgeted £350 for the wedding (including the £105 fees for the register office). I really don't see how we could have done anything else, even a buffet at home would have sent us over budget

OP posts:
Bubbaluv · 18/02/2009 16:33

You are only inviting people who love and care for you so of course they will be understanding of your situation. If I were yor family/close friend I would not only happily pay the £15 I would try to find other ways to contribute/make your day special.
Anyone who would rather stay away or complain than pay £15 to help you celebrate is not worth feeding in the first place.

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 16:34

flipping heck gossip, a hotdog?????

OP posts:
GossipMonger · 18/02/2009 16:34

stop feeling sad bratnav and look at all the lovely comments you have had.

Ignore kalo as she isnt invited anyway!!